Please help - much wanted pregnancy has tiny chance of survival. Deciding to terminate.

[PastaSauceHoarder]

Hello, I'm sorry I'm not sure where to put this really but I really need someone to talk to.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant with what we really wanted to be our second child. Had our dating scan today and they told us that the babies nuchal fold is measuring at 8.7mm - it has a high chance of a chromosomal issue.
As well as this it has fluid all around its head and under its skin in its stomach. A consultant told us that even if there wasn't an issue with the chromosomes it could potentially suffocate under the fluid. She kept saying its heart is beating 'for now'. There was a lot more but at the moment I can barely remember what was said. But chances of everything being okay are very very slim and we haven't got any hope.

I'm just numb. They want to send us for all the amino testings but I don't want to carry on. I feel so awful saying it but I just want it gone and over with. I told the consultant that I want to terminate but they said they couldn't do that until it was diagnosed with having a chromosomal issue, which could take another two weeks. My stomach is growing and I am still so pregnant and I just can't do this anymore.

We're going to visit my GP on Thursday to ask if theres any chance of being referred for an abortion. I'm absolutely heartbroken but I feel like its the right choice for us - this baby is very very poorly by the sounds of it. The only thing is I know nothing about abortions, I never in my life thought I'd need one. We wanted this baby so much.

Can anybody offer me any advice or a hand hold please? I never in a million years thought this would happen to us, I'm only 23 years old. I just want it all to be over.

I have no words other than I'm so sorry you're going though this, and how lucky your baby is to have you as their mum

I'm so sorry but also pleased, pleased that you are being supported with the next steps and that you are relieved that you are able to move forward with the termination.

I'm sending you loads of support for Monday-Wednesday pasta.

I really hope things from here go as smoothly as possible for you, it's the least you deserve after everything you're going through.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

This must be such a difficult and stressful time.

I feel awful this evening and I don't know who to talk to. Thought I'd write it here just to get it down and out of my head.

I have a very close friend who I have confided in about every step of this horrible process. She knows how wanted this pregnancy was and knows how sad and angry I'm feeling. She also knows that we haven't yet terminated and can't until Wednesday.
She decided that tonight was a good time to text and tell me about her unplanned pregnancy. To be honest I was shocked that she wouldn't think to hold off announcing for at least another week until my situation was all over with, but I congratulated her all the same.
Then she said:

'I feel a bit mean too, wish there was a way to pop it into your uterus in a non creepy way 😂'

I was speechless. I burst into tears and I told her that I'd only been told on Tuesday that my baby was dying and I thought she was being incredibly insensitive. She did apologise but I feel sick and upset now. That was a really horrible joke to make.

Pasta gosh your friend . That was beyond insensitive. I’m so very sorry you’re going through all this. You’re in an such an awful limbo at the moment waiting for Wednesday . Time must feel at a standstill. Sending you a huge un-mumsnetty hug and support.

Hi Pasta,
Sorry about your friend, that must have been really upsetting at such a difficult time. It doesn’t sound as though she was trying to upset you, more that she was crass and didn’t think before speaking.
I hope this week goes as well as possible

Pasta there will be many of us out in cyberspace currently rooting for you.
You're going through something dreadful, pregnancy related, and all she was expressing was a wish that her mistake could somehow magically be able to relieve your terrible pain.
I expect she meant well, but it was not really the suggestion to make.
I hope you are able to remain friends, and will be able to talk this through further down the line.

Aw gosh pasta I'm sorry that was the bloody thing you needed.

Some people are so fucking stupid sometimes!

In terms of your friendship I'd take a step back and look at it from afar before deciding what your next step would be.

Is this another example of her being shitty friend but before now you've felt stronger so have been able to tolerate her arseholenes or has she generally been a good friend but has monumentally put her foot in it because my reaction to each scenario would inform my decision on the friendship.

Last thing you needed! Sorry mistype there