How many of you know an 'Amanda' from 'Motherland' (super groomed mum) and how do they do it?

[MadameDD]

as the title says, how many of you know a super groomed, always perfect DM and what are their secrets?

One of DD's friends at school and a neighbour far up from us, has a DM who's tall, blonde, super groomed, works and has 2 DC under 10 but over 5. She always floats up to the Farmers Market with DC and DH on Saturdays and the other DM's are in awe...

A childhood friend of mine has a DW who owns her own fashion company (of course!) and she's always noted for floating to the school gates with DTs (girls) and a DS (older) looking impeccably groomed and well put together, she's half Barbadian too but her normally curly hair is always sleek.

These two women are tall (5 ft 7 at least) and slim - I know Fashion mum works out a bit.

I try my best in the mornings but sometimes it's all I can do - childminder drops DD off most mornings or I do on my 2 WFH days or DH does - to drag a brush through my hair or leave my hair in it's ponytail from the shower and pull on leggings and top and float 2 minutes to the school on foot. Yay school is nearby.

Any secrets of the well groomed would be gratefully received.

I've had 2 mums compliment me on my flawless skin and how it always looks amazing. That's because I have terrible skin pigmentation and use 2 lots of foundation to even it out. Thankfully the foundations perfectly match my skin tone (lots of ££ spent on trial and error) so people think my skin is flawless. Nothing could be further from the truth.

They may outwardly look flawless but behind everything that sparks envy there's a story about how it got to be perfect.

It may be about the decisions they make and possibly a bit of luck with genes. My best advice is to get a haircut that is smart and low maintenance. I used to always get a haircut that took lots of styling to look right, but since having kids I’ve gone with one that works for my fine, floppy hair.

For make up, it may be that they have naturally well defined brows, or maybe they’ve worked on the best fast fixes. Good quality mineral powder foundation is fast to apply, then a waft of mascara, blusher and a quick tidy of the brows really doesn’t take long. It’s takes a while if your two year old wants to do the mascara, but that’s another story.

Style-wise, the more you buy in outfits or the more “capsule” your wardrobe is, the fewer decisions you’ll have to make. That makes the morning faster and your outfits easier to get right. Also, I bet your polished mums aren’t ironing a shirt in the morning before school - I’ll bet it’s either done by the cleaner or on a Sunday evening. To be honest, I’ve more or less stopped buying things that need ironing.

Of course, I don’t look polished, I’m really scruffy, but when I follow my own advice I look passable

Fair few SAH or very PT WoH / at home mums like this where I live, London commuterbelt. They put lots of time, money and effort into dress, skin, make up, hair etc.

Far fewer who WoH who have time/energy for the same level of time/effort - the two I know work in fields where women are discriminated against and reduce their sleep to run, or do hair and make up before the commute.

Michelle Obama’s autobiography says her mother came over to her house at 4.45am two mornings a week so Michelle could go to the gym!

I would love to look like Amanda! My husband says 'scruffy is your style though!'

Good lord it's not what I'm going for.

Basically, spending a lot of time on themselves - in a good way - ie their looks and careers. Can you really be arsed? Erm maybe not for me

I knew a lady who was always immaculately made up, lovely hair, nice clothes, well groomed etc.

One day I went around to her house. It too was lovely from the outside, well maintained garden, nicely mown lawn etc. Then we went inside. It was like something out of Hoarders. I've honestly never seen anything like it. Every single surface, from the floor to the furniture to the internal stairs, was covered in piles of stuff, even up to the ceiling in some parts. Everything was filthy. I didn't know what to think after that.

I also know people who look less than spectacular on the school run, but they have immaculate homes and are well organised otherwise.

So, I've definitely learnt never to judge a book by its cover, either in real life or online. The perfect looking homes on instagram probably have a shit load of stuff thrown in a pile out of photo range.

To be honest - if I get up early enough then I put foundation, blusher etc on. and I always brush hair if going to work. I often put makeup on on the train/bus or at work (takes me 2 minutes).

WFH days are no makeup days, I either brush hair or in ponytail.

Work days - always decent outfit - black trousers, black top and jacket. WFH days - jeans, leggings - whatever suits me during the day.

Loopytiles - fair few of these 'scruffy mums' you say in London commuter belt area (which is me, SE London and relatives, East London)?

Well I do get highlights done regularly... and when going to work put the effort in with makeup etc - but on days I WFH - that all goes to pot, I do one aqua fit class a week (just joined gym) and yoga class at work one lunchtime.

My neighbour with 3 kids, 1 under 5, 2 over 5, she gets her hair cut but rarely wears makeup (or very natural) but paints her fingernails. In mum's uniform of padded jacket, sweatshirt, jeans, jogs a lot and swims (with DC).

Other neighbour, highlights, makeup, mixed uniform of jeans, and smarter but she's a photographer (out and about one) so needs clothes that work being out and about, gym member.

Other neighbour works in a bank, so has uniform, also has teenaged DC but no drop off needed and wears makeup and has haircuts, jogs a lot.

SIL - wears makeup but very natural look, brushes hair, smarter clothes - works doing research in British Library but with 7 month old DS not much time or money to get haircut etc no time for gym but jogs and swims.

SIL's SIL (SIL's brother's wife) - works for a major gallery - has 18 month old DD, is naturally trendy/fashion conscious so very groomed and either colours or highlights hair, has it cut, wears makeup but likes red lipstick and earrings, jogs a bit and sometimes gym.

My bitch half sister (yes I said half, I have 2!) whom I'm no contact with - she's a SAHM and a gym bunny, hair is cut short, spends loads on makeup, skincare and I'm sure Botox etc and clothes.

None of the above seriously AFAIK has the money for anything but haircuts, hair colour, maybe eyebrow shape they may go to the beauty salon but I certainly don't and if I do it's to a Moroccan spa for sauna and steam!

Maybe they spend more time on themselves and less nosing at everyone else!

I used to be SE London

You sound really preoccupied and obsessive about what these people do. Chill out. They probably look good because they aren't stressing about it too much.

I really would not know whether my neighbours wore nail varnish 😂

tattoo - we discuss this - in a light hearted way - it's not like we discuss outfits...

It was mainly because there is an Amanda in our midst and we mentioned the other week - how does she do it? It obviously comes easier to her.

Hollowvictory - I pick up on these small details like nail varnish because basically mine chips in a second - I had a manicure with bright blue nails the other week and it had chipped on the 2nd day!

And also my SIL (with the 7 month old) mentioned to me how she rarely gets time to brush her hair etc but now she's out of the house in a more professional way has tried to make more of an effort. I certainly didn't grill her but I did buy her 2 MAC lip crayons in colours she likes for ease of putting on.

I think maintaining being groomed helps. Neat nails even if not polished. Tidy brows. Regular hair cut.

For me personally I have realised a blunt cut works well for me and as it's fine it looks tidy without brushing it.

I have a quick and easy makeup routine which makes the world of difference:

CC cream that has decent coverage and a slight glow to it. Mascara to separate my lashes and open my eyes up. A tiny dab of skin coloured shimmer in the corner of eyes. Blusher. Faint rosy lip balm.

I think I look quite awake and polished because of this and if you do things regularly they don't require effort.

I agree with PP's that posture helps and having a capsule wardrobe (something I'm working on!).

My cousin is a bit like this. She’s gorgeous to look at, vivacious, cooks amazing healthy food and works out a lot. She has boundless energy and just seems to get stuff done. She has a gorgeous looking husband and two beautiful children. She doesn’t have family close so can’t rely on grandparents for childcare and stuff. She’s also really lovely.

What her family see that her school run mum friends probably don’t see so much is that her marriage isn’t always great, gorgeous husband is a bit depressive and she herself is slightly obsessive about things like the exercise and healthy lifestyle choices - some might say gimmicks.

She is, as I say, lovely... but she’s probably just as “normal” as the rest of us!

AmIOTTConcerned

I am trying for a capsule wardrobe too - but I love prints.

My makeup routine is easy - not CC cream but foundation, blusher, mascara etc. nothing OTT.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme - agreed - I do know some obsessive people like your cousin who are like you say obsessive to a certain degree about things but if they're exercise and healthy lifestyle choices then if it works for them that's fine.