Hi, I have a problem with my ds's father. I feel like every time I want to do something special with my Son (aged 6) his father has something negative to say about it, or put some kind of a cloud over our plans.
He is a very vain ego lead person in general, but this spoiling events and making every nice plan we have all about him has become a very long pattern of behaviour now, it feels like he is playing games.
In the school holiday just gone I took my ds to see a show, which he loved and was looking forward to before hand but when we got out of the arena my ds started talking about how much his daddy was missing him tonight. My heart sunk because it's such a familiar feeling for him to think like this and only happens when we do something that ds has been looking forward to, I really thought we had got away without the bullshit guilt trip this time.
when my ds was 5 I took him on an over night trip, he was so excited going on and on for weeks about going to this place, then a couple of weeks before the trip he started saying 'Daddy's really going to miss me when we are away and suddenly he wasn't excited at all any more it was like something to get out of the way rather than look forward to (we were going on my days with ds, not using his dad's time).
Then at the end of that year I was taking ds to something he was excited about in London, his dad txt and said he'd rather ds didn't go to London as he was worried about crowds and the security, so I cancelled my plans and then later it transpired that he takes ds to Lndon himself!
Then last year in October he said he was taking ds to a wedding, when he got back the next day ds tells me the wedding was near Alton Towers so he'd been in the car all morning travelling home, but then at Christmas I had booked one of those festive packages to take him to Alton Towers for an over night stay, I deliberately didn't give ds much notice of the trip so that his dad didn't have enough time to work on him and make it shit in some way, so I told him Christmas day. Then he was with his dad for a couple of days and when his dad dropped him back which was the day before the trip he was saying to me in front of ds "Make sure you txt me as soon as you get there because it's a long way, I worry about him in the car" I said "ok, do you?" and he says "Yeah I hate roads" Im obviously thinking they're the same fucking roads going to exactly the same area that he took him to for the wedding of someone he doesn't even know! It's only a death defying event now because we were going to enjoy something together.
There have been other stupid things he's done too, recently I took ds to see a film, so he had to take him to see exactly the same film the next day in 4D!
When ds was younger he deliberately went out to buy him a toy that my Mum had got him for Christmas, knowing I'd double checked first that he didn't have it because I'd explained to him that I didn't want him opening the present in front of my mum and saying "I have that at daddy's house" (because he has fucking everything there, and it had upset my mum when that happened before) he knew the exact reason I was checking and said 'of course' when I asked that he didn't get it for him before my mum had a chance to watch him open it, but he bought it on purpose, then lied about it and told ds not to tell me, I felt like it was just because he just couldn't stand the thought of someone else giving ds something he would like.
I want to start taking my Son abroad for holidays, and I'm really dredding needing to ask him to sign a letter before we go as I don't share a name with ds. I don't know how to get around it. It's really bringing me down I want my Son to be allowed live in the moment and enjoy things, not have to be thinking about the person who isn't there and be worried they are upset.
His dad doesn't mind taking himself away on holidays without ds, he only has him the days he's cherry picked (one day a week in term time and two in the holidays) and still leaves him round his nan's while he fucks off to do his own thing, but then if we have nice plans in our time then that's when he say's he reeaaallly misses ds, not during the time that we have nothing special on, or days that were supposed to be his but he gave to his nan.