How much? Wedding gift

[AdoreTheBeach]

We’re invited to a family (not close family) destination wedding. Between flights for all of us (family of four, kids considered adults at 18 and 20, so adult rates), 2 hotel rooms and transport - we’re already spending a few thousand (not including outfits, pet sitting fees etc). The couple are asking for money, not physical gifts. No registry. They gave their bank details.

My question is, how much to give? Normally I would consider £100 / £150 (which have usually been for weddings with just OH and myself attending) but I have heard stories that it’s now supposed to be enough to cover our “plate”. We have no idea what that is. It’s also really pushing our budget to attend. The trip will be instead of a holiday as we can’t afford to attend the destination wedding as well as have a summer holiday.

What’s correct etiquette for a monetary gift in this instance?

I really don’t think there is an etiquette for a required amount.
Like you, I try to cover the cost of the hospitality and add a little. So, ceremony, sit down meal, free bar plus evening hosting would equal £120 per head (and my DC are young adults/students, so pretty costly if invited). Are the bride and groom providing more than that in the way of accommodation/ meals etc?
I think you have to put the extra costs associated with destination weddings aside. You could have refused the invitation and, as you state on here, you have chosen (maybe grudgingly ?) this wedding for your family holiday this year.
I love a wedding but some of these destination ‘do’s’ are a big ask for a family sometimes IMO.

The most we've ever given as a wedding gift is £50, I'm always amazed at how much people say they give on here!

I would definitely factor in cost of attending when deciding how much to give.

I'm not sure I agree with Crunched that you should put the cost of getting yourselves to the destination wedding aside, but I do think that covering their cost of hosting is odd. Presumably they invited you because they wanted you to be there; they could have saved money by not inviting you... I think giving your usual amount as a gift is fine.

Again don't agree with crunch....

You get married but expect others to pay for them self? Very strange £50 is more than enough especially when you covering your costs... also can adult DC not cough up some money for them self?

I've been to some destination weddings (I'm the exception who loves a destination wedding). Without exception the happy couple has said no gifts (Although I usually give £50 anyway).

The cover your plate thing is an American thing. I hope it stays that way.

Thank you all for replying. We were quite surprised our DC were named on the invitation, as expected just OH and myself. PIL would like all of us going (no they’re not contributing). PIL would like as many family members attending as possible. Our DC are full time students so they do not have any money to put towards flights/hotels etc abroad.

I’m relieved to read a number of people suggesting £50 as reasonable so I think perhaps £150 or slightly more will be something we can afford and seems reasonable as a gift. I do very much miss the days of buying meaningful wedding gifts and bringing them beautifully wrapped to the wedding.