Can you make someone stay off work?

[CharDee]

Posting here for traffic.

I am a nursery manager and we have a member of staff who is going through a really tough time at the minute. A member of her family died suddenly and she found them.

She came back to work after two days and wasn't ready to come back. I have supported her by giving her extra breaks, letting her go early or come in later, time off for appointments and changing staff around so that she's not working on her own in a room.

I've had to cover for her quite a bit, coming in when she can't, stay late because she's had to leave, helped her complete paperwork that she's fallen behind on. I've also spent hours talking to her in the office, consoling her, letting her just talk and get it all out. This all means that I've fallen behind with some of my work so again had to stay later still to get this done. We're a really small setting and we have one bank staff member who can do extra but not at short notice. I suggested that she did reduced hours for a couple of weeks but then she said she didn't want to and that she can do her normal shifts. But she can't and she hasn't done her normal shifts for the last four weeks.
Often asking to come in late first thing or saying she has to go home during the day.

I have tried really hard to help her but now it's starting to have an impact on the running of the setting and the children. I have walked in to a room several times and seen her sat with her back to the children or just sat away from them not engaging, she has been talking about it in the rooms which isn't something I want to be discussed around the children and throughout the day just walks out the room without saying anything to the other members of staff. She also isn't doing anything with the children and will just sit here not even watching them play or talking to them.

I know how hard it must be for her and I want to help her but at the same time I can't do anything more than I've already done. I honestly don't think that she's well enough to be in work and she needs to take time off. I know for some work might be a good distraction but I worry that she isn't supervising the children properly and that someone could get hurt.

A child fell over in front of her last week and she just sat there without even trying to comfort or help them. Afterwards I spoke to her and told her I was concerned and she said that she felt that she was ok to be at work. Then she sat there with me for 45 minutes crying and reliving what she had seen. She told me that she hasn't slept more than 1/2 an hour since this all happened and is struggling to eat.

I suggested going to the doctors and seeing if they can give her anything or refer her to a group and she got angry saying she didn't need to go to therapy because she's not crazy and that she won't take anything to help her sleep because she doesn't want any chemicals in her.

Today I am off on holiday and she text me this morning at 5 to say she hasn't slept yet so wouldn't be able to get in to work for her normal time. Luckily I had anticipated this and had arranged extra staff to be in this morning but I can't do that every day and I can't arrange for people to stay late to lock up each time she's due to be on that shift.

I've just been told by the deputy manager that she came in at 10 and has been in the room for half an hour over all the rest of the time she has been sat in the staff room or in the toilet. She has asked if she can go earlier today and the deputy manager has said she can but has to stay to cover breaks which has led to her crying and then telling the deputy manager that she is too tired and feels faint so needs to go home.

I now have to go in to cover breaks as there won't be enough staff in and the deputy has called around all other staff who aren't in and agencies and nobody can come in for the couple of hours.

I don't know what I can actually do but I know she needs to take time off and we can't manage with the uncertainty. Does anyone have any advice at all? I hope I don't come across as too harsh, I have tried to support her but I also have to think about the business, my job and the children.

I think you can medically suspend someone if they are not fit for work. I think you need to get some HR advice, do you use a HR agency?

Thank you so much for reading - didn't realise it was so long!

We have some hr and legal advice included in our insurance. Usually the owner deals with that but he's away for a month! I'm not going to do anything today but I'll try and call tomorrow and see if they have any advice for me!

What a dreadfully sad situation. Sounds like she could be suffering from PTSD rather just normal grief.
I think you have to arrange a formal meeting with her and list the times when she's not done her job properly potentially leaving young children at risk. Explain that the situation at work cannot continue indefinitely and she needs to see her GP and ask about getting some help (with her mental health). You are happy for her to take unpaid leave for up to x weeks but that she can't continue to come to work and not do her job properly because otherwise, you will have to look at letting her go.

Thank you @sewingbeezer

It is so sad for her and her family. I think a meeting would be good. I've documented the informal chats we've had so far just to keep track of how many times we've spoken and how often she's left/came in late. I wonder if she just doesn't realise how she is affecting everything else because she understandably has too much else on her mind at the moment.

Can the organisation afford to give her paid extended compassionate leave? She may only be coming in because she needs the money to pay bills. She clearly isn't well enough to be there. Totally understandable. But if I was a parent whose child was being looked after this way, even though I'd feel huge sympathy for the staff member, I'd be furious with the nursery for letting my child's care be compromised because of it. It could damage the nursery's reputation very significantly.

So I think you need to get hold of the owner - this is a genuine emergency situation worth interrupting someone on holiday for - explain what's going on and get his Ok for you to speak to the insurers. The insurance might cover her while she's medically unable to work, or might pay for you to get some proper legal advice a out how to handle this humanely.

I wouldn't take any action without HR advice. If this ends up turning into absence or performance management down the line, you need to have done everything by the book.

You sound a lovely supportive manager, and I really feel for her.

I assume she is worried about money if she stays off, or has she mentioned another reason?

A friend of mine was in effect forced to take sick leave after her mental health issues were showing clearly at work. I think care for her was the driving force.

Not sure how it was managed but she tells me she was told she HAD to take time off.

And I agree with contacting the owner of it's physical possible.

Thank you for the advice everyone. Just got back from work to find out she'd been out last night and that's why she hasn't slept.

Whilst I'm still sympathetic, she is taking the piss a bit here. I've sent the owner a text - they are away dealing with a family bereavement too but there's a time difference so probably won't hear back until tomorrow.