If you were religious and aren't now, what made you lose faith?

[GerryJam]

Ive been fairly religious all my life.

But of late I am really struggling. I've been through a very shit life, hindered by a debilitating illness which has ruined all aspects of my life from health to career prospects. Life is a struggle mentally and im always skint too which doesn't help matters. Im nearing 40 and have watched friends and family flourish through life relatively unscathed and financially stable and with so many opportunities for themselves and children. Im happy for them.but it breaks me to think that I could have had similar if it wasn't for my health. I feel a failure and feel robbed of a life of what could have been. Mostly I feel so sad for my children whom I feel I've let down. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't have had children. I can't give them what they deserve. Life has been so cruel to me from a very young age.

The last few years I've slowly stopped praying. I don't feel heard. I feel hurt and let down. I still believe but I am so distant from it all now.

To those people who say things like "when I saw my father slowly die in agony," or "when I had a miscarriage" - why did you still believe when millions died in concentration camps or other people died horrible deaths or lived with horrible disabilities? Why was it only when it happened to someone close to you that it challenged your faith??

Genuinely perplexed by this.

In answer to the OP's question, I stopped believing when I read in an encyclopedia as a child that the world was 4.5 billion years old and I thought to myself, why would God wait that long before humans came along. That seems an awfully long time to hang about.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. Its been interesting and kind of comforting to read. I feel very alone in this. My family would be absolutely disgusted of me for even thinking like this. My dh is understanding and supportive so at least I have him.

TrainSong you soummed up exactly how I feel. to you.

Janet, what kind of wrongdoing? Why not go to the police?

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
^^ this.

@seaweed I have been too scared to. In my line of work, they're powerful and it could impact on my future career. Pathetic, I know

It's not 'pathetic' at all, Janet, but do you really want to continue working in the sector, if you are actually afraid of senior figures, and have had evidence for some form of wrongdoing on their part stolen from you? There are currently so many exposés under way for corruption in the Catholic hierarchy have you seen that book which was reviewed in lots of the book pages this weekend, about public homophobic gay senior priests in the Vatican using migrant sex workers that I would have said the climate would tend towards taking your complaint seriously?

I just realised that it was all utter bollocks. Dreamed up to keep people - poor people, uneducated people, disadvantaged people, women - in line, and doing what the leaders decreed was "right" for them, claiming it was god who wanted it.

So much evil is done in the name of religion. I want nothing to do with it ever again.

The branch of the Christian tree I grew up in was problematic anyway and some of its teachings at odds with other things I found important, female empowerment largely

Experimented a bit with other branches found other things I felt were incompatible with both me and I felt Christianity in general

Asked myself what I actually believed in, created for myself a personal set of beliefs and an individual spiritual path borrowing from many teachings. Far happier for it, but don't discuss it much.

Realising belief in god doesn't matter. If there is a god, my believing in it doesn't change anything. So religions demanding faith are really trying to engineer social control - know your place, especially if you're a woman or a child.

Frankly, I just think it's all a load of bollocks and think weirdly about intelligent people with faith. But, if the get something out to of it and don't proselytize then there's no harm, I suppose.

Also brought up catholic and had a very similar experience as Ozziewozzie - "My class teacher made me stand up in class and explain myself. I had no answer, as my parents hadn't told their 5 year old why we hadn't been."

Was raised as Muslim, until early adulthood prayed, fasted. Just found too many gender discrepancies to be god ordained. My family are aware I don't practice but not of my atheism.

@Pinguforpresident
Holly, I've never actually thought of it that way before. Yet now you've said it, it seems really obvious.

I really don't mean to offend anyone but Virgin Mary?
I'm sure they didn't inspect her hymen back then so why are people so sure she was actually a virgin.
If I said to a guy who I'd not had sex with either for a very long time or st all, that god or an angel appeared in my sleep to tell me I was now pregnant with gods son, he'd laugh me out the door. The poignant thing to say is that even if I said it to a priest, they wouldn't believe me either. I'd be locked up I imagine.

I'm sure there was a Mary, but I bet she had a bit of slap and tickle in the bush with someone secretly.

Reading rest of thread and yes to this bit:

My doubts started in primary school when we were taught about ‘doubting Thomas’, the disciple who refused to believe in Jesus’ resurrection until he had seen for himself the crucifixion scars. I thought Thomas had a point.

I was told off in school for questioning why John the Baptist's dad had his power of speech taken away for questioning the Angel Gabriel saying his "barren" wife was going to have a baby but Mary's power of speech wasn't taken away for asking "How can that be, I'm a virgin?"

And bad things happening explained away as "God works in mysterious way".

When the priest told me that if I said a certain list of prayers before my first communion it would mean I got a shorter wait in purgatory when I die. I thought...that sounds like total made up bollocks

You might find the book Gilead by Marilynne Robinson interesting OP.

It’s a book about a reverend in small town 1950s America. He has seen terrible things and has a son who is awful and has no moral core. Yet he believes, not because he has any evidence at all that god exists but because he chooses to have faith. He would be considered a good man who wants to live a good life.

It’s a beautifully written book and I found it really interesting.

I was brought up as Catholic the day before I got married I was asked to sign a form to say my children would be brought up in the Catholic faith.(husband to be was not)
I said to the priest surely my word should be good enough. His reply was all women lie, if you don't sign you won't be married. So I signed, he then said that if any child is not brought into the faith I would go to hell.

@Burlea I have heard similar terrible behaviours from a priest.

The area of Scotland where my family come from is extremely sectarian, which is ridiculous in this day and age.

A relative married a Catholic and agreed the kids could go to mass, Catholic school etc.

The priest told the 8 year old that the parent's marriage was invalid because mum was not a Catholic, this was only in the last year or 2.

The kids were no longer allowed to go to mass, but stayed in the school, mainly because the education provided was better than the non denominational school.

Gingerkittykat Im. Shocked I would of thought things were better now, this happened in the late 70's.

I was raised as a Catholic. There have been a lot of boulders thrown on the way of my faith.

I remember when I was 7 or 8 an apologist came and explained the mass as it happened. When he said that the priest blessed the bread and wine, it in fact turned into Christ's body and blood, I looked around at all the grown ups and thought "surely they don't really think that? ". I thought it was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard.

After that, I struggled to understand why people suffered so much, my god tested these people so much and others (like me) not nearly as much. I started attending a CofE church when I was 15, and mum could hardly speak to me, she was so upset! But why should she be? It's the same god, so what's the problem?

Then mum died of cancer. She was a good person. She fought for the under-dog. She was the Good Samaritan, who brought people in and fed them and gave them what they needed. I tried so hard to believe it was god's will, but it was senseless.

I spent a few years questioning each aspect of faith - the virgin birth, miracles all that stuff and honestly I couldn't stand by any of it. Eventually I said "God, I don't believe in you. Sorry".

I'm a Humanist now.

I was raised a methodist and it all came to an end gradually; I just came to realise that all organised religion is a manmade construct, beset with pointless and petty observances which have long since lost their meaning

They all try to point the way, but none get to the nub of the overall truth, which for me means reincarnation ... and that doesn't go down well with the Christian churches

Having to go to church every Sunday and play happy families, and then going home and my parents arguing like cat and dog. Seemed hypocritical.

I then went on to do a degree in Theology...can't get past the problem of Evil. If God is omnipotent, omniscient and omni benevolent why does shit happen, and why does it happen to kids? I've looked at all the theodicies, but it does not compute for me.

I am also more inclined to Feuerbach than Scheiermacher.

History like pp.

Roman and Greek gods, philosophy, science .

Education.

Praying is more a focusing of ideas and emotions.
I have prayed too the sky..the moon... sometimes things have happened but that's due to simply gathering thoughts and wishes and thinking really hard.

That's all praying is.

It's all a construct too control poor people, make them feel scared, also like they're belong and have a purpose...

I envy those who can believe in god, I would love that faith, but I couldn’t put my faith into something I had no experience of. I had a good childhood, with people who loved me, but I was desperately lonely. I think gave up when I realised that he wasn’t going to help, and I was on my own with this one.
My son has a heart condition that could kill him. I think that was the final nail in the coffin, I can’t understand why a God who is supposed to love me would do that.
Hey ho! We’re doing pretty well without him anyway 😂

scary my dad wasn't religious but my DM was and I had similar...

Constant unrelenting cat and dog arguing.

It's certainly a veneer.

Just wanted to say OP that being without faith can be wonderful !

There is no more angst - yes life is shit sometimes but it's the same for everyone and it's nobody's fault.

I have 1 life and I intend to enjoy it, I am an optimist and look for the good and fun in everything ! I love making other people happy and happy people make me happy so I surround myself with positive people !

I hope you find happiness again !