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Original poster

Changing name when getting married

63 replies

Celebelly · 02/03/2019 20:36

Looking for a bit of advice if anyone has done similar.

DP and I are getting married shortly, partly so we share a last name in our personal life for our daughter as I don't like us having different names.

However, I run my own business and am quite well known in the industry under my maiden name, so I was wondering if I could use my maiden name for professional reasons but married name for everything else.

Is this possible? Has anyone done this? How does it work with passports, driving licences, bank accounts etc.? I suppose I could just keep using my maiden name when engaging in business stuff, on my website etc. and maybe keep my business bank account in that name, but not sure if that's allowed!

OP posts:
hammylehamster · 02/03/2019 21:22

@MujosMama yes I will change it when it's due to renew, the only difficulty is remembering to book holidays in my maiden name!

But yes, I am Miss X at work (pay office do have my married name so it matches my bank details) but Mrs Y anywhere else.

BlueJeansNiceTop · 02/03/2019 21:26

There is no such thing as having one "legal" name. You can have different surnames on your passport, driving licence, bank account etc.

The only legal stipulation is that you must not intend to defraud

It's absolutely fine.

BlueJeansNiceTop · 02/03/2019 21:27

"ahh ok so they don't have to match but when you renew you'll need to update it."

No - this is incorrect.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 21:29

I call name change bingo! And only 2 pages in!

Original poster
Celebelly · 02/03/2019 21:31

@Boobiliboobiliboo GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 21:32

I don't think judgy comments about why can't men change their names instead helpful. Plenty do.

They really don’t. And women somehow are still - in 2019 - being conditioned into thinking this is okay. It fucking stinks and is a big part of the gender pay gap.

#everydaysexism

MujosMama · 02/03/2019 21:44

Brilliant! @Celebelly it sounds pretty straightforward?? I guess let's see how we get on Smile

Good to hear from people who have done it. Thanks for the thread and (helpful) input!

Original poster
Celebelly · 02/03/2019 21:48

I do agree to some extent about name changing, but I also think that women have the right to choose without judgement. To me, it's important we have the same last name and I want to take DP's name for various reasons. Would he take mine? He probably would if it was important to me, actually, or would double barrel if I wanted that, but I don't.

It's funny as we are the opposite of traditional in other ways and in a way we are quite opposite in terms of traditional gender roles, such as domestically (I'm terrible around the house Grin) Our wedding is just the two of us and baby girl in registry office with my parents as witnesses and no one else so neither of us care about an actual wedding. But the name thing is just something important to me and something I want to do. Perhaps that makes me a bad feminist, but feminism to me is the freedom to choose and to have opportunities without judgement.

OP posts:
PeanuttyButter · 02/03/2019 21:53

Well I didn't change my name when we got married so I'm known as Dr maiden name, on my passport and booking holidays. I'm also known as Mrs maiden name and Mrs married name. I don't get offended by anything I'm called tbh. If we had kids I'd probably change to married name

Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 21:56

Feminism is literally about equality between men and women. Women being expected to continue a tradition which stems from them having no legal status and being owned by men, declaring their marital status through their title and name does nothing positive for that equality.

That so many women justify it by referring to the names they’ve used their whole lives as their father’s, not liking their names (but not enough to do anything about it before marriage and usually the male family members have no such feeling), wanting to share their child’s name (which could just as easily have been the mother’s) doesn’t make it in anyway feminist. It’s the opposite of feminist.

Many women do it without even thinking, describing it as “traditional” or “romantic”.

Catsinthecupboard · 02/03/2019 21:57

Be happy and follow your heart.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 21:57

If we had kids I'd probably change to married name

Why? Why not use your name?

Pishogue · 02/03/2019 22:00

Hear, hear, Boob.

Kennehora · 02/03/2019 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 02/03/2019 22:12

Oh ffs, feminism is about equality and the right to choose. If you want to take your husbands surname then do it! My father was abusive to my mum and is a constant source of disappointment.

I took my husbands surname because I wanted to. I respect and love my husband and have much more positive associations with his surname than with my maiden name.

Back to the point I know plenty of people that use a maiden name for professional reasons so I think it will be doable.

MujosMama · 02/03/2019 22:14

@Celebelly You are so right and have put it very eloquently. We all have the right to choose.

I honestly couldn't give 2 shits about all you lot going apoplectic about names on here. I have a professional reputation based on my maiden name which I want to retain, and want to use the same name as my kids and their dad in my personal life. Clearly I'm not the only one. Boo hoo, we're brainwashed by the evil misogyny of society. Whatever.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 22:15

feminism is about equality and the right to choose.

If nobody is expecting men to choose, because women are blindly just going along with it, where is the equality, exactly?

I took my husbands surname because I wanted to. I respect and love my husband

That’s nice. And you show it every single day. And you did all the admin stuff to change it with every business you are involved with.

Shame he didn’t love and respect you enough to (consider that he might) do it instead?

TalkinPeece · 02/03/2019 22:15

I've been married over 25 years
I have work stuff in my birth name
and family stuff in my married name
kids have family name
DBS in both names, bank accounts in both names

Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 22:16

Boo hoo, we're brainwashed by the evil misogyny of society. Whatever.

And fuck what it means for our daughters. And their daughters........

Lazypuppy · 02/03/2019 22:20

I'm getting married next year and i will be changing to dp surname, but will continue to be know by maiden name in work. Best of both worlds.

SarahAndQuack · 02/03/2019 22:21

Feminism is literally about equality between men and women.

It's not, is it?! Confused

I took my DP's name once our daughter was born, because I wanted us all to have the same name. I get that argument, absolutely. But surely it is possible to distinguish that from the fact that women are still expected to take their husbands' names for no reason at all? And if they don't, there can be real, difficult, and legally dodgy consequences (as I've said upthread)?

If it's truly so important to share a name as a family, either hyphenate or choose a new one.

Milicentbystander72 · 02/03/2019 22:27

Exactly like you OP, I have built up a professional reputation in my maiden name over 25 years or so.

When got married I kept my name. However when I had children I decided I wanted my whole family to have the same name. So I started changing it DH's name (sorry if that offends anyone!)

However I have kept my maiden name as my professional name. It's used on all my marketing, publishing, website and contracts etc. All my financial matters are in my married name. I'm lucky in that I have an Agent who pays me under my married name, but the payments come in under my maiden name.
On my tax return my maiden name comes under what 'name I trade under' like a pseudonym.
Everything else is in my married name.

The only problem I've ever had was a publisher booking me a flight and hotel room under my maiden name without checking the details with me.
Also, very occasionally a colleague can send unexpected packages to me under my maiden name and the Royal Mail sorting office have been a bit funny about me taking it without 'proof' of me being the same person!

Day to day though, it's all fine and simple. No problems.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 02/03/2019 22:31

@Boobiliboobiliboo neither of us should want my fathers name, he is an asshole. That left us with either me taking his name or making up a new one. For the benefit of not causing huge confusion if my family tree was ever researched we decided that I would take his surname.

Yes every woman and man should have the right to do as they please and I will defend ANYONES right to do that but for me this was the right thing and that's that.

itsbetterthanabox · 02/03/2019 23:20

My grandfather was abusive.
Weird my uncles still kept their surnames. You know why? Because it's their names and we don't question that.
Your name is your name it doesn't matter where I comes from. We have to start somewhere it's just defeatist to say well it's my Dads. If all women insisted their identity was important as men's and didn't just change their names blindly then in one generation we'd get rid of this sexist practice.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 02/03/2019 23:25

neither of us should want my fathers name, he is an asshole.

It’s YOUR name. Women are allowed to own names, you know. We aren’t just borrowing them from the men we are passed around. Angry

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