Please give me a kick up the bum!

[MsLucyLastic]

I could do with some viper wisdom to get me out of my ridiculous situation.

I know it sounds pathetic, but I have a chronic illness which has made me bedbound a good 80% of the time with pain.

I have split from my DH and we share care of our DD (8) between us. My DM has been helping with DD when I have struggled, having her for sleepovers etc, and my partner also helps quite a lot. My exDH also changes his hours if childcare is needed.

So I am lucky, I have a lot of support. But that is ths problem...I am now feeling less ill, but literally don't remember how to live normally anymore.

I can't work, so have very little routine aside from DD's school hours.

My house is a tip and needs a good clean, it isn't a health hazard but it isn't great.

It sounds ridiculous, but I don't know where to start! I used to work as a nurse for Gods sake, and now I feel I can't manage...life! I am so used to being bedbound and others helping, that I am scared I can't manage on my own. I need a routine of some sort.

Plus. I am so deconditioned that I have to pace myself so I am not in agony after doing too much.

Does anyone have any ideas? I want to be a good mum. My DD just wants me looking after her and the house. But it feels overwhelming and I don't know where to start.

Please don't actually give me a kicking....I already feela guilty enough.

Huge huge empathy from me.

Firstly I would make a list of the rooms that need doing, and then list maybe 5-10 jobs that need doing in each of them. I'd then choose a room and do ten minutes on a job,then rest for the rest of the hour. Then ten minutes on the job, then rest. You'll be amazed at how much you get done.

Make games of it for your dd - promise 50p for every chore done - at 8 she's old enough to put washing in machine and swap to dryer/load dishwasher/hoover her room etc.

Don't try to do it all at once - slow and steady is the way to go.

Thank you Opies. I think you are right about making a list.

I even need to make a list to structure my day, I think. It all seems overwhelming that when my DD isn't here, I just hide in my bed because I can't face restarting life. Sounds so pathetic, I know

No, it honestly doesn't. I really do understand. I have osteoarthritis and am currently in the middle of a flare. Today I unloaded and reloaded dish washer, chopped some veggies and put in slow cooker for dinner, and made myself lunch. That's it. The rest of the times been spent napping or resting. I feel incredibly guilty, but just cannot do any more.

Lists are good - the feeling of satisfaction as you cross an item off is lovely.

One thing I try to tell myself is that I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. Cut yourself some slack.

Maybe structure your day, but not so that you're busy all the time. Structure it so your have time for chores, rest, meals etc. That will get you into a routine. Then during your chores time just work through a list of things that need doing, for a set time only. When that time is up, you stop. Start off with the things that will make an impact quickly, to motivate you to move in to other things.

I know it's the easy way out, but can you afford to get cleaners in to give the house a one-off spring clean? Then you just have to make sure it stays nice afterwards.

Can you get a cleaning company to do a one off deep clean for you then you have a good base to work from so its not so daunting?

Are you looking after yourself? If not, I would start there. Structure the first part of your day around doing hair, cleansing face, getting dressed and eating a healthy breakfast.

I have 2 household lists. 1 for general jobs to be done through the week (basics - bathroom, laundry, polish, hoover etc) and another titled 'the grand plan' - it has the jobs you don't need to do so regularly or that are just random (my list starts with cleaning skirting boards and includes everything from sorting out my sewing box to bathing the dogs to decluttering the huge full cabinet in the spare room).

I tick something off the list every few days or whenever I can and often try and so one while I have a laundry load on the 10min spin cycle or the bath is running.

I would advise lists so when you feel able, the jobs to do won't overwhelm you.

Also, no kick up the arse from me, you need to show yourself some empathy

Thank you every one. A big one off clean is what I will be doing. Then aim to clean the house over a two week period going forwards. So like a rolling two week routine.

No, to the PP, I haven't been looking after myself. I need to get into the routine of that again too.

Thanks for making it feel more manageable. I.appreciate it

Oh and I forgot to say, I am sorry you know what it is like Opies. I hope your flare eases soon