Struggling. Full time work and managing my life

[ghostmouse]

I am really at breaking point. I work 8 till 5pm mon thurs and 8 till 130 Fridays.

Ive got 3 dc living at home who refuse to do anything..well the younger 2 do a bit but the 16 year old dd is a pain in the arse. They all leave stuff everywhere..im just as bad tbh and im tooknackered to pick up.

Kids do activities after school mon thurs which takes up till 8pm..weekends are taken up sat and sometimes sun morning with activities too..football.
Then my son is constantly ringing and throwing a strop because i cant drop everything abd run him about ir go and see my baby granddaughtet

Im so tired, my house is a mess. I cant find clean uniform, letters for school, homework is never done.

I just cant do this for much longer. My other half..been with him a year..kids not his and we dont live together is brilliant..does what he can but is limited to his shift pattern.

Anybody help? What works for you all?

My DM had a rota for us - washing, cooking, washing up etc; sanctions if we didn't do our bit.
Reduce some after school activities or share pick up/drop offs with other parent(s)
How old is your DC with DGC?

I’d be stopping being their taxi until they completed some chores. Some basic ground rules with laundry and cleaning. Make a list of everything that needs done on a daily basis and they all pick 2 each. If it isn’t done then no after school activity that night . If you let them away with murder then they will continue to take the piss out of you. Children need boundaries.

My ds is 19 and lives with his gf and my granddchild.

My dds are 16, 11 and 8 so not young but still young enough to need me.
Ive got to learn to say no.

I had my mothers dog for a week which pissed and shit everywhere neveragain

You are amazing, DP works those hours and has to have a sleep when he gets home. I do everything else house/child related in week, plus work part time.

Chores, rotas, as PP said. Teach your kids life skills so they can fend for themselves.

You have to look after you if nobody else is.

Can you afford a cleaner for 2 hours a week to do the bathrooms, kitchen and hoovering?
Each child to be given a list of chores to be done every day if they want pocket money.
Cut back on evening and weekend activities where you can.

DP works those hours and has to have a sleep when he gets home say what now? What time does he then go to bed for sleep??

Famy meeting time OP. Explain that now they're getting older blah blah need to help blah blah else Mum won't have time to do all the running around.

Anything left downstairs goes into a box with their name on and gets dumped in their room / left downstairs for them to sort / is binned every Sunday night.
You cook, one washes, one dries one puts away. If one of them cook, you fill-in themissing role. They can do their own rooms, bring down their own washing each morning.

You'll do t them no favours if they can't do it.

Tell eldest you are not his taxi and he can just ax easily bring the baby to you sometimes

Can you meet your DS and the baby at lunch?

Kids at home need to help more. Tell them activities will reduce to pay for a cleaner if they don’t step up

And you need to factor in some time to yourself. Make a list of things you like doing. Do at least one a week.

And you do sound amazing

How do you cope?

Wasnt me who put that my partner sleeps. We work in the same place. He does continental shifts..works every other weekend on top of week work. And he does 12 hour shifts. We dont live together anyway but the kids seem to like him and he picks them up from after school club and triesvto keep my kitchen tidy and takes my dog for a walk a lot.

My son doesnt drive and i only get half an hour for lunch..im a factory worker..lots of manual work.

Chores and i like the sunday evening box idea
Cant afford a cleaner. Im on minimum wage.
I really dont know how i do it

I work similar hours & have 2 DC (10 & 6).

My solutions are:

1. Only 1-2 activities Mon-Thursday. Not every day.
2. Pocket money for chores: tidying room, laying out uniform, packing snacks for school, putting laundry away. Monitored via Garnin kids watch & Go Henry pocket money app.
3. Family house blitz on a Sunday afternoon - 30 mins where we clean bathrooms, vacuum, wash floors.

Don't me a martyr! You're working 4 1/2 days? Your eldest needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself. The younger too - cut down activities if you need to, you can say no to stuff.

Blitz the housework on a Friday afternoon after work and then it's done.

The 19 year old needs to learn how to drive. If he's done enough adulting to have a child then driving should be next on his list.

You are already absolutely heroic in my eyes. But you maybe need to show yourself some more respect so the kids learn to do that too.

If ds Is old enough to be a dad he’s old enough to behave like an adult. If he strops “I will not be spoken to like that” and phone down. Visit once When it suits you.

Tough love on the kids, fewer activities, chores for them.

Lower your standards: focus on uniform, school letters and food. Sod the rest until they are older and are pulling their weight.

Do they need more uniform? are you trying to cope with not enough?
school letters, do you have a notice board, pin letters on there? or are they email,

Got a pin board..kids dont bring the letters home sometimes which doesn't help. Our school doesnt do email or parent pay.

I do need more uniform. Theyve got 2 sets each so thats something to look into.

I do have adhd too

I’m a single mum to 2x dd and work f/t. As I said uppost I would not take them to a group if they hadn’t done their chores. Cue hysterical screaming for one night but they quickly learned to do them.
I simply can’t work f/t and run the house.
DD 13 ( ASD) hoovers twice weekly and does the dishwasher. She will also bring the dirty laundry down and load the machine. DD 9 is in charge of taking the laundry back up and sorting into bundles. Each put their own away.
I also bought 7 school shirts for both and 5 bottoms each which means that I’m not chasing uniforms every couple of days. That and doing lunches snacks the night before and laying uniforms out the night before was a game changer for me.
Your 16 should be in charge of her own uniforms.
Also get them to empty their bags each night when you get home. They’ll soon learn but sounds like there’s no consequences for pissing you about.

I'm sorry, but I think you may have enabled this by not being harsh enough. At 16, I was doing chores, including laundry and cooking. Your 19 year old needs to grow the fuck up, and you have got to learn to say no.