Resentful towards partner

[BigRedBuses]

Dp and I have a baby together and other dc from previous relationships. We unofficially live together, he still has his house that his son lives in. Dp works full time and I part time. Financially we are very stable.

He is a good dad, hands on when he is home and provides for us all. My problem is how resentful I feel towards him. Most weekends he goes to his friends, goes to the pub, goes to watch football. Every Friday he goes to the pub for few hours after work only to come home to his dinner ready. Once a week he does his hobby straight after work and goes to stay at his house with his son instead of coming home to us, this is the same if he goes for a night out.

I feel so resentful that he has the freedom to do whatever he likes whenever he wants whilst I'm looking after the kids, working, cooking, cleaning, washing, food shopping, sorting bills etc. Don't get me wrong he does load the dishwasher and Hoover occasionally but I keep the ship afloat with not enough hours in the day whilst he does what he likes. Do not get me wrong, I don't nag, never ask him not too as I appreciate he works hard and needs a life ! I just feel so resentful he has the freedom whilst I have the monotony. How can I overcome this?

Tell him to pull his finger out and stop being so selfish.

You don’t need to overcome anything! He needs to just bloody stop. You have a baby together-he’s behaving like an arse.

Good old fashioned talking to him and letting him know how you feel is how you overcome this.
I felt similarly after my first it improved after I told my partner he was being a selfish arse and he sorted himself out. I'd spent weeks seething about it and getting more and more angry til it came to a head.
Hopefully he's just clueless about his being selfish. If he isn't and doesn't redress the balance then there's another conversation to have. Can you take time away at all so you feel like you have some time?

He needs to move in properly and facilitate you having an equal amount of free time/hobbies/nights out. Or what's the point of the relationship? He gets to act like he's single while you do all the boring stuff?!

Oh I've told him all I get is "I understand" I do everything, EVERYTHING, for our family and you're right he still partially acts like he's a single guy. I call his other house his bolt hole, in my head, but I'm right.

If you've told him how you feel and he hasn't changed then you might as well tell him to go to his "bolt hole" and not come back. You'd actually get more free time if you didn't have to do anything for him and he had to take the baby 50% of the time...

Regards to him going to his, it's because it's convienent I think. Especially if he's out pissed up he need not get a taxi home.

I know he has to have a life outside of the family but I feel so bitter that he does while I keep the ship afloat.

If you've spoken to him then, to put it bluntly, I think he lacks respect for you. Personally I'd rethink the relationship altogether as really he gets family time and single time as and when he wants it. He's been given a chance to change after being spoken with but hasn't so I'm not certain he will change things.
Your resentment is justified and shouldn't just be swallowed so the status quo can remain.
Have you spelled it out to him? Have you had discussions about moving in together officially? How did that go down?

Hi yes we are going to look for somewhere together but he won't let go of his house as it's his security, whatever that means. I think we need to chat tonight.