I really want another baby but don't think I can have one.

[ICannotDenyIt]

I'm 30 and already have 2 kids. I'm a SAHM. DH & I have £4,000 debt and don't own our house.

The debt has been accumulated from the past 5 years where I haven't been working. DH's job is very demanding and the hours are completely unpredictable which has made it difficult for me to work around his job.

I'm expecting to start working in the next year or 2 but I desperately want to have 1 more child and I'm really sad at the prospect that we won't get an opportunity to have another.

I know we're very lucky to have the 2 that we have and I am so happy with the life we all have but I'd love nothing more than to bring another little baby into the world.

Has anyone been through this? Did you find a way to have another?

What's the hurry? You've got another ten fertile years ahead of you. Go back to work, sort out the money problems and then have another one when the time is right. (You might have changed your mind by then anyway)!

If you can't afford a child, then you can't afford one. Sorry OP.
Think about how much more you can do for the children you have, both now and in the future, if you stick with 2.

2 is a nice number. You can hold both children's hands, you have 2 knees to sit them on, and 2 arms to cuddle them with, each parent can grab one child in an emergency, you won't need a bigger car, holidays will be cheaper, activities will be cheaper. Nobody has "middle child syndrome", and 4 is a much better family size for staying over at family and friends' houses or hotels.

What's the hurry?

We pay really low rent just now and I worry that, once I start working we'll need to save & buy a house. Once we buy a house, me taking mat leave will be difficult.

I’m afraid I think you need to prioritise the children you have. Which means I think getting yourself financially sorted

It’s also not fair on your dh to make him continue to work without your support

It doesn’t sound like you can really afford another one, so you don’t have one. Harsh maybe but life doesn’t always go how we want.

You have 2 already so for now I’d enjoy what you already have, things can change so maybe in a few years ?

What’s best for the current children is you being debt free and focusing on owning a home

I know you're right pink. Another baby would be so loved by us and I just wish things were different or I'd made different choices up until now so that we wouldn't be in this financial position 😢

We should be out of debt in a years time thanks to DH's recent pay rise. I should be working in a year's time also and we will be able to save the bulk of my pay towards a house.

What does dh think?

DH would absolutely love to have another also. He works hard but really loves his job. If we had a little more money, this would be a no brainer 😩

I really hate the fact that life is so dictated by money 👎🏻

Yep,it sucks. We stuck at 1 because I want to be able to help DS with a house deposit and university fees (if he goes down that route). I’m sure some in your situation wouldn’t worry about the financial implications but i think you’re very sensible to stop at 2.

It's so hard when your heart tells you one thing and your head tells you another. It doesn't help that family and friends always say "you'll have more, we can see you with more" etc. I obviously don't want to delve into our finances with them so just smile politely.