What is wrong with me? I can't seem to improve.

[SlothSmith]

I don't know what on earth is wrong with me. When im in a social situation I just freeze. My brain goes into a complete freeze. I don't know that to say or do and im constantly second guessing myself to the point I end up not saying / doing anything and im just there- mute. Because of this I assume ppl think im a bit thick. They dont acknowledge me and I just hover on the edge of groups feeling extremely awkward and wanting the earth to open up beneath me.

In contrast, when im at home with my dh / family im always talking, always something to chat about and it just comes naturally. But outside of the home its a completely different story. Ive tried observing others and they just seem to have something about them where the conversation just flows. Its been like this as a child and I try so hard but just can't seem to progress. Im beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with me. Maybe im sending out weird vibes to people. Maybe I am saying the wrong things. I just don't know but it's getting me really depressed. Its affected me in so many areas of my life. Its so sad.

Does anyone else experience this? Im at a loss on what to do.

Can you come up with some stock questions/phrases to get you started?
I.e asking what they did at the weekend/what they have planned etc?
If they have children, ask about them/school etc

Most conversations start with you asking a question you don't really care about and then half listening to the answer. Just keep nodding and the other person should keep talking.

Sounds like social anxiety. You could go to your GP who will probably refer you for some cognitive behavioural therapy sessions. Or there are self-help books.

Social anxiety. Me to a tee. I wish I had answers for you :(

It’s brave to start a thread.
Are you an over thinker? Do you have an interior monologue that goes, ‘Weather, no they’ll think I’m boring, Brexit, too controversial, Alan Partridge, maybe they don’t have a TV’?
A compliment- particularly a question is a good starter. ‘Great presentation, do you enjoy public speaking?’

Thank you Etino yes, I guess I am bit of an overthinker. I do have a constant monologue in my head that goes like "where do I sit, shall I sit next to her, she's going to think oh no im stuck with her, she doesn't like me, im boring, shall I sit here instead , noone is talking to me, in an idiot, I hate these things, im so awkward and ..........."

I agree it sounds like social anxiety. I suffer with it too but I'm a chatter box my own family and friends - even they're surprised when I've admitted it to them. It has improved for me massively though. I've adapted a "fuck it, don't over think it, go and say hi" attitude. But I only do it if I actually want to. For example I don't beat myself up anymore for not being the type to want to go to social gatherings where I don't know many people whereas before I used to believe I was odd for feeling that way.

I agree that it could be a good idea to think ahead of things you could discuss. It's always nice to ask about people's evenings/weekends etc.

Can you practise with people on the bus/ in shops/ in the park?

I've looked at social anxiety and alot of it fits with what I experience. At least I can put a name to it. I also feel like my head is a bit fuzzy and overwhelmed when in these situations esp when in a group. Not sure that's part of the anxiety or not.

Just now at the school run, I approached a mum who'd just had a baby. After a few moments, others came in and ppl began talking to each other and it sort of split naturally into 2 groups. I was just in the middle not fitting with either of them. This happens all the time. Its almost like I am invisible.