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What was your wedding like?

45 replies

Firstty · 28/02/2019 08:30

What did you have in mind when you first started planning it? How many people did you have? How many did you want? How much did it all cost? What venue and food did you have?

We are just starting to plan and our first count up of guests was almost 200!! Just trying to think about what is realistic.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 28/02/2019 08:33

Wanted what is seen as a tiny wedding in our culture, parents & grandparents got upset and we eventually got pushed into the all out wedding. Had to cut the guest list from 300 to 150. Venue was Northbrook Park in Farnham, all day there and it was perfect. TBH I can't remember exactly the food we had but there was lots of it and lots of canapes (three course meal) and an open bar with cocktails.

I won't say how much it cost because people will slate me and my obvious sham of a marriage, because on MN if you have anything outside a registry office with strangers off the street as witnesses you don't value the sanctity of marriage.

Xiaoxiong · 28/02/2019 08:38

You have to define and agree priorities together and stick to it. We wanted a big party with all the people and food and drink, and the details didn't matter that much. We each made a list of the 5 things we didn't care about and the 5 things we didn't want to compromise on. Then we compared them and were happy to see that they were mostly the same, and we discussed the others (eg. I cared about flowers, he didn't, we compromised on a low budget so I got flowers but didn't go crazy - but we both wanted an open bar and no day/evening guest distinction, so we compromised on no sit-down dinner, just a buffet, I didn't want to spend £££ on a dress so spent £125 plus alterations but he really wanted a custom made suit so his cost much more than mine - but he wears his regularly still).

For the guest list we each made a list of family members that were essential (including the ones who were duty invites but not inviting would cause too much sadness/family upset), and friends. We were 28 people over the capacity of the first venue we saw so we changed to a different venue and ditched the sit down dinner as above so could fit more people for cheaper.

Pishogue · 28/02/2019 09:13

I won't say how much it cost because people will slate me and my obvious sham of a marriage, because on MN if you have anything outside a registry office with strangers off the street as witnesses you don't value the sanctity of marriage.

I think you are forgetting the posters who do faux-puzzled and say 'But why wouldn't you want the people who are important to you to witness the most important day of your life?' Or the ones who say they wanted a stripped-down registry office do/Las Vegas, but were put up against a wall and tortured by their granny until they gave in and agreed to a £50,000 extravaganza with sixteen bridesmaids, a string quartet, a champagne fountain, and 300 of their closest friends. Grin

For what it's worth, being an atheist, I don't believe in the 'sanctity of marriage' at all, and we had one of those 'bride and groom in jeans with two witnesses' weddings (only we had to get friends to act as witnesses, as our registry office said they'd had issues with big delays as people tried to get passers-by to act as witnesses, and they couldn't supply office staff, who were getting a bit sick of being poached from their work).

OP, we had two 'guests', no fuss, no wedding outfits, or photographer, or rings, or flowers, it was lovely, and we took our witnesses for an expensive lunch afterwards. I think the whole thing cost about £300-£350.

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Mmmhmmokdear · 28/02/2019 09:16

We had a bigger wedding than I wanted, due to DH's culture - ie you must invite all relatives ever, even the ones who live in Australia that you've never met. And they came!!!

I had the traditional church, back to hotel for sit down meal and dancing type wedding. We had an evening buffet but barely any got eaten.

My family put money behind the bar, but once that was gone, people bought their own drinks.

KatnissMellark · 28/02/2019 09:22

I wanted to elope/get married abroad (difficult family and don't like to 'waste' money)

DH wanted the big white wedding.

We had the big white wedding in the end, as I felt I couldn't take it away from him. And actually, it was lovely. A great decision really and I'm glad I listened to him. Family mostly behaved and we had a fab time. Traditional ceremony-canapes-three courses-disco-honeymoon next day. At Rowton castle in Shropshire which was fabulous. Cost about £10k I think as although the venue and food cost a bit my dress was £200, bridesmaids wore department store dresses, I did my own flowers cake and favours, decorations etc. And we got married at Christmas (which was magical!) so the venue was already 'dressed'. So it looked like a £20k+ wedding but we did it 'on the cheap'-still bloody loads of money though 😂

MadisonAvenue · 28/02/2019 10:14

I'd never wanted a big wedding, I couldn't stand the thought of being the centre of attention but neither did I want to go to the local registry office with it's office chairs and dated decor, so I was happy not to be married. My now-husband did want to be married though and we already had a baby.

We booked a holiday to New York and not long before we went I read in a magazine about an actress (Julie Walters iirc) who had just got married in New York. It got me thinking so I made a few transatlantic phone calls (this was 1998 and it was shortly before we got internet) and discovered that it was quite straightforward to get married there so that was what we did.

It was just the two of us, our son and a couple who had also just got married who agreed to witness for us. It was perfect. From there we went up to the observation deck in the WTC, spotted some payphones and called our families from there to tell them, we ate pizza in Little Italy and at night saw the city lights from the Empire State Building and I wouldn't have changed a thing about it.

BiddyPop · 28/02/2019 10:43

First wedding on both sides of the family, and before registry office had become a thing here (Ireland), or travelling abroad either.

We wanted it to be about the ceremony, sharing the day with family, and enjoying a nice meal together.

We didn't invite any friends of our own or any work colleagues. But we "had" to allow both sets of parents do so (I think each had about 5 couples who were friends rather than family, and the "family" extended to people I'd only met about twice on my side! and similar on DH's - still an era where the parents ruled not the B&G). It was still a LOT smaller than a lot of "traditional" weddings of the time.

We decided what we wanted in the church - attendants, music, readings, flowers etc. And we stuck to our guns on those parts.

I "had" to have a big white dress (mid-winter and I longed for a burgundy velvet top over cream skirt) - DM overruled my choices. (I was still very much in the FOG - fear obligation guilt - at that time, slightly less so now). But I was relatively ok with it.

We loved the venue (we had another in mind which would have limited numbers to 20 fewer in the end - but the final venue was great and probably had better food and atmosphere, although not quite as spectacular views, as our initial preference). We agreed with what others wanted for food etc - we knew it would be good and we liked the proposals.

We agreed with someone's idea for entertainment both on arrival and after the meal as we didn't want a band and disco and "afters". It suited what we wanted.

We didn't go with a lot of frills and fuss - we had a good photographer (cost a lot but we were confident in his skills) but no video, no rented car (there were nice cars in the family to use), no chair covers, etc.

We had a few little touches here and there that we wanted or others suggested that we liked and agreed to - real candles in the church along the windows with little bits of greenery under them, and they came to the reception with us too. Lots of the greenery came from DM and DMIL's gardens, and both of them helped prepare the church the day before with the florist. And the "favours" were something a little different that someone else put together.

We did have booklets, but we designed the (pretty minimalist, as we liked - dark card with gold writing) invitations ourselves with the stationers and made the booklets ourselves (got the same card for the covers, and bought gold ink and a lovely stamp to decorate the covers, and gold ribbon to tie them up). The BM dress was the same colour as the card, and the neckties of DM and best man were the gold. (I had already given in on pure white for myself at that point). So it all fitted nicely for us.

What we hadn't thought through enough was timing on the day. It was a very rushed day, and DH and I didn't have any few minutes just to savour it. There was no quiet glass of bubbles for us anywhere. We were "needed" to mingle the whole time. One relative was upset at one side outnumbering the other side (turns out it wasn't a B/G thing, it was a her side/IL side on the same family side thing, if that's not too complicated). And due to other things being rushed (working too close to the day, travelling too much to get "home" (where I grew up and we were getting married) and organize at a distance, unhelpful relatives not doing what they committed to, and not knowing exactly how much was involved as it was the first - I ended up in the hotel that night with my wedding dress and a pair of jeans and a hoodie to travel in the next morning. We also ended up bowing to pressure to have a big family meal (both of us, separately) the night before, so didn't sleep well and were both unwell as well (got to the honeymoon venue and basically didn't move for 2 days, and not because it was the honeymoon venue!).

Next time, I've already warned DH, it will be JUST the people WE want although I would go back to the same place for the atmosphere and the food.

And we will have a proper holiday arranged, that we don't need to leave at 8am the morning after to drive 3 hours to get to the airport for a 1 week self catering package in an apartment in the Canaries in February that was rubbish and cold and just not really a proper honeymoon. We had more of a honey moon on 2 separate weekends (both cheap deals - supermarket stamps for flights) later in the spring to Paris and London.

Although next time, we won't have just spent all our money on our first house and be so smashed that taking whatever deal was available will be necessary. (Or else we will just not travel and spend more on 2/3 nights in a decent hotel nearer home).

In fairness, next time will still be to the same groom. And we hit a reasonable milestone next year (we hit double digits many moons ago!).

DrQuinnMedicineWoman · 28/02/2019 10:53

Originally we had huge numbers for day/evening and a grand local wedding venue. Deposits were paid, guest lists were drawn up. But the bigger the wedding the bigger the unwanted opinions, especially from my mother who wanted 'the wedding she never got' Confused

We re-evaluated what was important to us. So we cancelled everything, booked Gretna for us and 30 guests. We travelled and stayed in a hotel on the Friday, married Saturday early afternoon, meal in a private room back in the hotel, them home to a local hall for an evening party for 100 guests. It was fantastic and was very intimate. The party at night was a huge success and all of our guests enjoyed themselves.

Where we got married in Gretna they had a free video link so family that couldn't travel still watched us get married. Plus doing it our way cost us just shy of £5000 (including honeymoon!)

VelvetPineapple · 28/02/2019 10:55

I hated my wedding. I wanted to elope on our own. DH wanted a big expensive white wedding in a posh hotel with a sit down meal and a live band etc. So we compromised in the middle and nobody got what they wanted. We had a ceremony plus 50 people for a buffet and disco. Bigger than I wanted but cheaper and less posh than he wanted. It wasn’t small and intimate enough for me and it wasn’t posh and expensive enough for him. With hindsight one of us should have just given in so the other could have their dream wedding. Because by compromising neither of us did.

Notthatsimple · 28/02/2019 11:09

We were engaged, expecting to spend a long time saving for a big wedding.

We were both working two jobs, doing outside catering work at the weekends. We catered a really small, cheap wedding and thought it was wonderful - went home deciding to just do it! Do it cheap n cheerful!

“Mission creep” happened, which started with me rejecting the idea of just a simple marquee and wanting a fancy bell tent type set up alingside an outdoor BBQ. And then, despite a September wedding, I listened to everyone saying “what if it’s cold and raining”, so the bell tents tripled in size and had HEATING (it was 25 degrees on the day) and tables and chairs so everyone could sit inside (no one did).

Everything else was done cheaply though. Dress was £200, we walked to and from church, friends made some flower arrangements, everyone brought their own booze.

Somehow though... we still spent £11k Blush
We DID have more than 200 guests AND we refused to do the split thing, where a few come to the actual wedding and then more to the evening reception. We wanted everyone to all of it. So the room we were married in was CRAMMED full, with people standing in the aisle and people waiting outside the room.

Planning stuff is not my best quality.

Best day of my life though. Felt on top of the world, despite me and my bridesmaids getting through 7 bottles of wine (from the stash meant for the wedding..) the night before.

Chaotic, not glamorous, full of fun.

MaitlandGirl · 28/02/2019 11:22

First marriage was basically what my parents could afford, and we made the most of it. It wasn't what either myself (or my ex) wanted but it wasn't an awful day.

This time round DW and I were planning a big wedding that would have cost a small fortune (it's more expensive to get married in our local area than in Sydney, as it's a tourist area). In the end we decided fuck it, and eloped. My oldest 2 children were witnesses and the youngest held onto the rings. It was just the 5 of us plus the celebrant.

We got married in the courtyard of a chocolateria in the city and after the service we had a chocolate based high tea and champagne then headed home via the beach. It was perfect and nobody outside of the 5 of us knew anything about it until after it was all done and we got home. We booked it a month before the day and only told the children two weeks before. MIL still hasn't forgiven us and complains about how she was the last to know (and that all the family missed out on a big party) but my parents thought it was perfect for us and are just happy we got married.

JemimaPyjamas · 28/02/2019 11:24

Mine had 130 guests in a venue we had hired for the weekend (so basically a massive self catering venue), I had no bridesmaids as I can't see the point, it was fairly casual but in a beautiful setting and the last guests on the actual wedding 'day' left at 9am the following morning. It was great! We spent 13k ish, and were still drinking the wine 18 months later (we overcatered somewhat!)

UnfinishedUsernam · 28/02/2019 13:08

I wanted to have a small do with me in a nice dress, and to go for a meal with my nearest and dearest. Then a night in a nice hotel. My mum had other ideas. She tried to get me to postpone (I was pregnant) so we could have a big wedding. I said no. For some inexplicable reason I wanted to get married before I gave birth. We ended up with a registry office, afternoon buffet in a nice pub, all finished by 5pm with us ending up in the Midland hotel and fast asleep by 10pm. I was 8 months pregnant. My mum paid for the food and bespoke outfit for me (an horrendous gold pant suit. I looked like a fat fucking genie). A friend dj'd and at my request set up his karaoke machine. Our cake was from Asda special Grin. The party carried on without us. People still tell me it was the best wedding as it was so relaxed.

QforCucumber · 28/02/2019 13:11

originally ours was looking at 150 guests, a high cost, all day at a local golf club. We got married in Las Vegas a few weeks ago with no guests and had a 'reception' at the weekend with friends and family - so much more 'us'

Normandy144 · 28/02/2019 13:23

We had a few 'must haves' such as having an open bar (culturally for us a cash bar is not an option) and live band. We also didn't want to invite evening guests, so everyone came for the whole thing. We invited 110 but realistically knew we would have 90 and that's what happened (we had budgeted for the higher number).
We compromised on the food by having a hog roast, but still a sit down meal. We got married in a hotel and the whole thing took place there. There was some accommodation for guests but others stayed close by. We were happy with how it turned out.

EastMidsGPs · 28/02/2019 13:31

We married with two friends as witnesses and all four of us had lunch afterwards.
No special clothes, rings (DH's designed a pair for our first anniversary) no photos. I did have a small bunch of flowers as friend rocked up with them.
Having said all of this, we'd only known each other 9 weeks so there wasn't much time to plan. We spent the money we possibly would have spent on a wedding on a month's trip to Australia and New Zealand immediately afterwards.
This was 30+ years ago, wouldn't change any of it.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 28/02/2019 13:57

Congratulations OP!

Ours was 12 years ago and we decided to get married in Cyprus. Our immediate family and a handful of friends came out for the week and our wedding was in the middle. We went through a tour operator who sorted all the legalities out (we needed to be in resort a few days before and do some signing of docs) and then we chose flowers, cake and chose a restaurant for food when we arrived. On the day we arranged a mini bus from our hotel to the town hall for the ceremony then bus back to the restaurant. We hired a car for me there and back. A gorgeous Mercedes with a beautiful driver who smelt amazing Smile. At the restaurant everyone had a 3 course meal and we put money behind the bar for a few drinks each and wine on the table. The owners had an Irish bar down the road so after dinner we all moved on to there for more drinking, karaoke and dancing. Classy I know!

A few weeks after getting home we had a big party in a pub with buffet for the wedding guests and extended friends and family.

It was so simple, stress free and I loved every minute. There is literally nothing I would do differently except not be so drunk I spent most of the following day with my head down a loo.

I know it's going back a few years but everything including our hotel stay whilst we were there, a honeymoon in Rome a few weeks later and the party, outfits, rings the lot was around £10k.

ladybranstonpickle · 28/02/2019 14:22

we felt we either had to have a 'traditional' wedding as per our culture's norms, or we could do rogue and have 10 people at a small ceremony and a very expensive meal afterwards for those 10.

But I was relatively 'old' for my culture, and honestly, having been to so many weddings I wanted to dance at mine! I wanted a party and didn't care about anything else - no bridezilla behaviour for me. We agreed quickly on the priorities: good band, good food, open bar, and really didn't care about the rest. We also wanted everything in one venue for ease as it was a winter wedding and we didn't want people getting cold etc when moving between venues.

I got a bargain on the flowers - flat rate of £1000 for 6 bouquets including mine, buttonholes, table flowers, ceremony flowers etc across ceremony locations (in the same building). My best decision on the flowers was letting my mother-in-law participate in it, she felt very happy to be involved, and as I didn't care much it was a very easy win! Think carefully about what you can let others decide as it means you can make the decision on what really matters to you. I.e. pick your mountain to die on, as it were.

My dress was £750 plus £250 alterations, I bought it off the rack as a sample, and it was exquisite. I got it from Fleur de Lys in Saffron Walden. They are the third largest wedding dress shop in the UK, so everyone should really be able to find a dress they like there.

Our big spends: The band - this was very important to my husband and his family and the food - both of us and our families are foodies so we knew it had to be good.

Our magic number for guests was 100, we ended up at 119, so relatively large by 'English' standards, fairly small by our 'cultural' standards. I felt it was just right as we got to talk to everyone at least once and often more than that. Also, in our culture we don't have day/evening guests. Everyone is invited for the whole thing.

It was a super day and not to boast but people are still telling me it was their best wedding they've ever attended.

Congratulations and enjoy!

AmperoBlue · 28/02/2019 22:50

We started with the date. Needed to be in school holidays but as we were getting married that year, the last one...October half term.
That determined venue ( wanted warmer weather)
Then we looked for somewhere to have the ceremony and reception.
That decided numbers (45)

Invites out 8 months before.

Firstty · 01/03/2019 07:58

Thank for sharing your experiences everyone! We are both keen to have everyone that we love there and we don't want to exclude partners and kids so 180 is really the minimum number of people we want to come. However the venues I've looked at so far are around £80 per head just for food- and that's the cheap option. adding on venue hire we would be looking at costs well over £20,000 which I really don't want to spend on one day. Can I do it cheaper or do I have to re-think the whole thing?

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 01/03/2019 09:03

We also looked at a local village hall and then hiring in catering, that way for 150 people we were spending approx 15k

Imperfectsusan · 01/03/2019 09:13

Mine was very small, a dozen people with a party in the evening.

paap1975 · 01/03/2019 09:13

We could have had several hundred, due to our hobbies, but we ended up with 45 guests, all invited to everything and who all stayed at the venue or walking distance.

It was lovely being able to have time with everyone and very relaxed. We wanted nice surroundings and great food, which we were able to do because it was a small group.

Looking back now, having lots of guests would definitely have ruined it for me.

KeptTheBeachesShipwreckFree · 01/03/2019 09:41

Register office with 15 guests

A few photos in the grounds of a nearby ruined castle whilst everyone else made their way to the pub along with a few more guests

Buffet and piss up in the pub on a gloriously sunny day where the children could play on the climbing frame, slide and swings in the beer garden

I wore a purple bridesmaid dress from bhs and my mum's friend made my bouquet

We had 2 wedding cakes - chocolate, vanilla and red velvet sponge cakes

Dh's friend's wife is a photographer and did our photos for about £50 less than she usually charges

No bridesmaids, no speeches, no formal sit down meal, no seating plan, no decorations

This is how we planned it because we had/have no money and because we're not bothered about formal, stuffy weddings. We just wanted a nice, relaxed day with closest family and friends.

It cost less than £3K altogether.

GemmaXOX · 01/03/2019 11:15

180 ! I don't think I know that many people tbh haha.

We had 40 of extremely close family & friends at the ceremony, and another 40 for the reception. It was no big show or anything like that, i think the bigger the wedding the more it takes away from the real reason you're getting married.

total wedding cost around £3500 (ish on the costs as it was last year)

  • Church -£300
-Reception Venue (Renovated 14th Century Mill House turned into restaurant with event rooms) - £200 -Food ( 2 Course Meal with wedding cake as pudding + Hog Roast Buffet) - £1000 -Wedding Cars - Free (Borrowed Dads Jaguar & Uncles merc)
  • Photographer - Free (asked every guest to bring a camera take personal great photos) they turned out amazing and very personal!
-Hair & Make-up - Free (done by my beauty therapist made of honour) -Dress - (£600) -Coach - £300 For guests to and from hotel and venue -Suits - £200 -Wine - £200 -Decorations/Photobooth/Favours/confetti/Seating Plan - 700ish

Having 80 people not having +100 make it such a special and personal day and meant so much to us to have. the one thing i would say is it's your day not a show. don't go over the top.

Debt is a very big cause of divorces, so why on earth would you start a marriage off in debt? If you love each other you'd say your vows anywhere so don't go over the top.