The batch cooking is underway - what else should I do?

[AprilSpring]

Oh wise MN’s give me your top tips for being a working mum.
I return to work, 4 days a week, in a few weeks after having my second beautiful dd.

Here’s my list of woes as to why I need to make my life as easy as possible (and hence this post)

• I’m still breastfeeding so am not getting lots and lots of sleep and can’t share the night time wake ups with my husband, although he does do as much as he can with his boobless body
• husband has mammoth commute so is late back every night, I need an evening meal that is easily re heat-able as I eat with the dd’s.
• will need pack lunch for youngest (age1) dd at childminders, I’ve bought a little hot food flask with the idea that she could take left overs
• I need a super quick evening meal as both girls we hangry when I picked them up from the childminders when doing KIT days
• for various reasons I carry the mental load of the household, I’m returning to a job where I hold significant responsibility.

I’m already in team tomm, but will eventually get a cleaner once I’m back earning more and can boost the savings again.

So hit me with it, how else can I get organised both physically and mentally. If I’m honest I’m not sure how long we are all going to be able to sustain it, but I want to give it all a bloody good go, and all that’s probably best in a different post.

Thank you!

HRTFT but... schedule your washing in. We live in an apartment so have a drier thing over the door. A wash takes a day for washing and drying. Can easily get behind.

So washing on first thing (use the delay timer and set it before you go to bed) and out before work. Or put on before you leave (using delay timer) to finish when you get home to put out.

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1521/summerinwinter-chicken

This is lovely

Lots and lots of posts telling a woman how to manage working in a senior role whilst also organising the entire household. Rather than meal planning and life planning your way to a nervous breakdown might it be possible for the other adult in the house to share the load.

Oh and I cheat with my slow cooker... I use packet sauces, or jars. And put the meat in frozen.

I am a heathen...

Before you go back buy in lots of staples - in our house it would be porridge, jam, tinned toms, pasta.

Posted too soon - that’s to avoid emergency shop runs.

birdsdestiny one of the many reasons why I need to meal plan and slow cook is to stop my DH reaching breaking point. I have a much more flexible employer than he does, don’t commute 3hours a day and well frankly am better at some aspects of it! I want to hang out with him and our children at the weekend.
I’m worried we won’t be able to sustain it all forever, I’m hoping it won’t be forever......
neither dh nor I, do anything other than work or spend time with our children, there will have to be a change at some point but for now all of these things people have suggested are helping me.

I am not having a go at you I just think it is a very bad idea for one adult to take responsibility for the whole house and work nearly full time when there are 2 adults present. I think you need to share the mental load or it will not be healthy for you.

Thanks birdsdensity I’m on high alert about it all, apologies for immediately going on the defensive.

And
You’re right!

I may be projecting but I think being on maternity leave sets up a certain imbalance in running a house that is very hard to undo, even more so if that carries on when you return to work.I think having a conversation with your dh about the imbalance and how it's going to work and what it's going to mean might help. I wish I had done that. Good luck on returning to work. I used to have a 50 mile commute, on my first day after maternity leave I cried all the way but by the end of the day I also felt like me again.

What can DH do to improve his work- life balance so he is better able to support you and the family? Can he request greater flexibility? Is the 3 hour commute permanent or can he look for a different role/WFH?

There are two of you in this situation and you shouldn't be the one making all the changes.

Even if DH is working longer hours, there is no reason why should solely bear the mental load of the household, that just isn't fair.

This is a very minor life hack but I have recently gone from pt to ft, and have found laying the table before I go to work makes the post work mealtime slightly more calm. I get home around half 5 and like to try and eat by 6.

Getting up even 15 mins earlier makes all the difference.

Totally agree with some kind of team tom rota shared with your dp helps keep on top of things.

If you are both earning a high salary, could you consider getting extra help in? For example, an au pair who also does the cleaning but possibly not much sole childcare (given their ages) or a uni student who comes to the house when you get home for an hour or more?

That might really help. (I used to be in your situation with more than two DC).

we write everything down and agree it at the start of the week (who is where / when etc.)
we have allotted jobs and don't tend to swerve from them
we have a cleaner
i meal plan as I do the shopping (DH cooks)

However I am fucking sick to the back rotten teeth of writing things down for DH to do, his initiative is sadly lacking and our kids are a lot older. He gets into a routine of what happens when and then doesn't seem to be retain that change, however he's a big boy so will hopefully work it out for himself soon. You have to let him fail. Otherwise you will still be wiping his arse and bearing the load in 15 years. And will resent him. Short term pain, long term gain.

I tend to prepare meals.thatvdonjs for 2 days. Sometimes well have a roast on Monday seconds on Tuesday slow cooker dinner Wednesday and Thursday them something quick like pie and veg one meal. Takeaway sat will do us for Sunday also.

You could look at Pinterest for slow cooker dump bags. Literally take some time every so often to put all the ingredients in bag then get outta the freezer night before and dump in slow cooker.

Look at the organised mum method. Gives a routine for cleaning until you get your cleaner but leaves your weekend free.

I'm going to Download that time tree thingamy. I might use it for housework so DH knows what needs doing.... I know I know he should know and he does lots etc etc etc
......

Use Pinterest for slow cooker ideas, cleaning tips and packed lunch ideas. See what you can freeze!

A calendar is the way forward - write in all activities etc. and who is taking who.
We have a 'first in calendar' policy for work related commitments and the other person has to work around.
It's really good for resolving clashes and also for marking birthdays, anniversaries and other special days (mark mothers day with a highlighter!)

I always have my DC a brioche to much on in the car home from nursery. It meant there were crumbs in the car but it took the edge off their hanger.
As well as birthday cards and wrapping paper, get some generic presents for when DC get invited to presents. We also always have a standby bottle of champagne and a box of naice chocolates each in gift bags in the garage ready to be gifted at a moment's notice if required.
Buy spares or the next size up - wellies, water bottles, hat & gloves.
My DC had a coat and wellies and spare clothes which lived at nursery so I didn't have to think about whether they had the right things in the right place.

Time tree is fab, honestly. It's just more user friendly we find than google and apple calendars are and doesn't clutter up with loads of random bank holidays! I found it thanks to a thread on here so happy to pay it forward

Time tree downloaded! It’s fab! Although I have just had a phone call from Dh asking what time is the party tomorrow.

*DropOfffArtiste you’re right, we have begun talking about all this. The commute was meant to be temporary 3 years ago, he was meant to get a day from home 2 years ago, neither has happened, I’ve given up hoping now. Seriously this is a while other thread...

Chop some crudités or fruit up to give your kids in the car home from childminder.

Plan homework day for your school age child and likewise the days you are not going to do reading with them.

Yy to lay the table and other getting ahead things. On my early start days I sometimes put the packed lunches and all bags and coats in the car so there is less to do that morning. (packed lunches only work in winter obvs)

Something I saw on Pinterest, get a set of small plastic drawers for each child, with 5 drawers each. On a Sunday, fill with an outfit for each day plus anything else you might need (it was designed for older kids who might need swimming kit or pe kit) but you could also put nappies for the day, snacks so they are ready to be chucked in a bag.

What about extra coat and wellies to leave with the CM. Saves panicking that you've forgotten them?

Reminders on my phone are a god send.

I buy 6 months worth of birthday cards at a time (card factory) write them and if they need posting have them stamped etc ready to go. I keep a little stock of generic cards at home too.

It doesn't suit everyone but I have a Tesco delivery set up weekly and add the same list of basics to my trolley on a Sunday night for delivery Thursday. Then I add/remove things through the week. I have seen somewhere on a similar thread someone did a 6 week meal plan of dinners, which would make online shopping in advance easier, but I haven't had the time or brain power to come up with that many dinners 😂

Don't work through your lunch; go for a walk or read a book.
Get a board for the kitchen, and write a shopping list as you run out of things.
Find a routine and stick to it. Ie bags packed and left near the door as soon as DC are in bed, etc.
Decide what tasks you're going to leave to DH and make sure he knows they're his responsibility - then forget all about them.
Don't underestimate the mental load. ☹️

Read the old threads on here about facilitated men. It is really quite eye-opening.

Packed lunchee done the night before and put in the fridge. It doesn't matter if she eats almost the same thing for lunch 4 days per week.

Clothes laid out and bags packed evening before.

Family planner / shared calendar app.

Online food shop ordered to arrive first thing on your day off (mine is 8am every Friday). Freeze a loaf of bread and some pre grated cheese for emergencies when you run low!

Schedule swimming lessons, dance etc for your week day off or early Saturday morning so as not to eat into precious family time.

'to do' list pad on the fridge and DH needs to pitch in too!

Washing machine on a timer to start a quick wash at 5/6am (mine takes 28mins), you can then get it hung to dry before you leave the house and lay it away when you get home.

You will be fine!! Key is organisation.