Am I a bad mum

[SpinningSister]

I’ve got a 5 week old baby (and a DH) and I feel awful because I almost cannot stand when he’s active and on my chest.

I’ve just fed him (bottles) and he’s on my chest writhing and usually because I don’t like to restrict his hands I get clawed to pieces too. I’m covered in scratches on my chest.

I feel like this is meant to be normal baby life and frankly the kicking me and wriggling turns my stomach!

Aren’t I meant to enjoy this? It’s worse at night like now because I worry I can’t see an end to it (when he falls asleep) and it drives me mad.

I’m now starting to feel a bit angry.

Am I a shit mum or is this normal ? Or normal for some?

Aw bless you. Of course you aren't a bad Mum.
If it isn't comfortable for you, then don't have him lie on your chest!
You've carried him for the first 9 months, if he is a little one that wants to doze off on someone's chest, let your dh do that [smile

Re the scratching - get him some little scratch mitts. All my dc 1's pictures for the first few weeks have him in his little boxing gloves

Well it’s more after I’ve fed him, if I don’t hold him upright for an hour half of the feed comes trickling out of he lies down, so a lot of time is spent holding him upright and chest is the best way.

I think tonight of all nights is bad as I saw DH For 2 hours then I have a lie down til about 10.30 so I can get some sleep and usually DH puts him to bed and I wake about 12-2 depending on when he does for a feed.

The fact he wouldn’t go down at all probably means I will be here again til 4am when i can feasibly wake DH and that scares me because I feel shit already

2 hours with DH means my interaction with an adult has been limited

My fault though I feel scared of going out in the day, small baby nerves.

OP I know exactly how you feel. Grab some sleep suits with mitts attached - bloody mittens never stayed on dd if they weren't. Have you tried laying down with knees up and holding baby up on them, it's now I held reflux dd when she was tiny. Gives your back a rest too. I also know the loneliness of never seeing an adult and when you do you have to go to bed. I used to cry and go to bed at 8.

Is he writhing because he's uncomfortable? His belly might hurt. I know dd used to be really uncomfortable after feeding. Does he bring up much wind?

You're not a shit mum. It's a really huge change when you have a baby. I was never actually prepared even though I thought I was. They're exhausting and overwhelming.

It sounds like he's uncomfortable, is he burping properly?
Maybe a drop of gripe water..
I would put scratch mittens on him too

This is dd at maybe 5-6 weeks sitting up leaning on dh. Might be an option?

Well he is waiving is arms and legs- I put him down to make a feed, he doesn’t seem uncomfortable but I was thinking maybe he frequent feeds he seems to need is for comfort.

I guess it’s not just the moving on me, it’s the loneliness I feel.

Maybe i should got for a walk tomorrow.

It’s also not knowing each night - I dread putting him down thinking ‘will be stay asleep or will I stay awake for 48 hours in a row getting clawed and scratched to death!

I have covered his hands now with the inbuilt things on the sleep suit

I honestly know what it's like OP. I had PND, do you think that's a possibility for you? Do you have much support around you? Someone to pop in for a tea?

Getting out for a walk would be good. Don't worry about being all dressed up, just grab whatever, stick your hair in a bun and just walk in the sun. Honestly you'll feel better for it. I basically didn't go out for 8 weeks, I was paralysed with fear and sadness and tiredness. Once I started going out, even just to buy a coffee, I started to feel more in control.

Do keep chatting on here, you'll always find someone who understands.

I'm off to bed, but will check this thread in the morning. Hope your night is ok with the little one.

Thank you. Feeding so one hand type.
I have support in a way, family but am also a bit possessive lol so hate to ask.
Have 2 friends coming tomorrow will be nice and can also tell them about feelings - both mothers so will know.

I just want to go to bed at normal time next to my husband like everyone else

Morning OP. I understand. It won't be forever - I promise!! My dd is 19 months and I get some time with my husband in the evenings now. It does get easier.

It is such a hard transition to what you think having a baby will be like and what it's actually like !

And I get the possessive bit haha, I was soooo paranoid about everyone holding dd. It's instinct, I think!

Definitely talk to your friends. Babies are hard op and you're not alone. I used to think that about sleep too but in the end decided not to think about how many hours etc and just take what I could.

Have you got any classes you can go to for human interaction. If you are worried about going out with baby then maybe take a small step further each time. Also feeding in public is so much easier with a mamamoosh (might be spelt wrong) scarf - that thing saved me sanity and is worth every penny.

You're doing a good job!

I think it’s quite normal to get “touched out”. I’m glad you’re using the mittens because getting scratched and clawed would wear anyone down.

I used to find with my babies that their legs would be stiff after a feed and once they got all their wind up the legs went soft. It took a good bit of time. Maybe try different winding positions to see if that helps.

You could also discuss the possibility of a thickener in the milk with your hv for the reflux.

Is there anyone you could phone during the daytime? That little bit of adult contact by phone made all the difference to me when they were little.

@FrozenMargarita17
Thanks for checking in again and everyone since.

I’ve had 2 friends (together) over today and they both agree I don’t do enough going out and I don’t put the baby down enough to do anything at all.

I have a baby bouncer and we put him in that and for an hour he was happy and I would usually have him in my arms

Following that he had double his normal feed (bottles) - he doesn’t have as much as he should - and is now having a good nap.

If you're happy to put baby in bouncer then absolutely do put him in there! Getting out is good. Doesn't have to be baby groups or whatever - I absolutely hated baby groups. I used to go to the shops or get a coffee alone or with a friend. I miss when dd was portable enough to just sit somewhere!
Now she climbs all over me and puts food in my hair haha.

You're still in the really early days - just take it easy on yourself and you'll find your way. I think I put too much expectation on myself in the beginning - listened to conflicting advice and really started to wind myself up. I wish I'd just gone with it and stopped beating myself up so much although PND is to blame for that as well.

Always happy to chat.

Hey OP how is it going?