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Original poster

What age gap do you have between DCs? Would you change it if you could?

46 replies

WhatIsHerName · 27/02/2019 19:23

DC1 has just turned 1 and I’m going back to work next week. I always thought we’d try to have children close together to get the baby years out of the way but it goes so quickly and if we want a 2yr gap we need to start trying pretty soon.

Also feeling guilty over work, going back and then potentially getting pregnant again after they’ve made all the arrangements for my part time hours.

I’m curious to know what your experiences have been.

OP posts:

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 27/02/2019 20:16

14 years between eldest and middle - perfect babysitting age
18 months between middle and youngest - excellent gap as they're close

Teddyreddy · 27/02/2019 20:20

21 months between DS and DD. It was very hard work for the first 6 months but it's now great at 4 and 2 and a bit - they play together really well. DC3 due later this year will be a 2 years 9 months gap as I couldn't face those 6 months again though....

HairyToity · 27/02/2019 20:26

4 years 3 months. It's helped financially, as meant we never had two children in nursery. I wouldn't have coped with a toddler and baby. Also, I appreciated having a school age child when my youngest child was born. They have both had lots of 1-1 during the early years.

It works for us, but others like having them close together.

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tomhazard · 27/02/2019 20:26

2 years 8 months. They are 6 and almost 4 now and pretty good little buddies. I wanted them more like 2 years apart but took me a bit longer plus a miscarriage second time round. I wouldn't change it I think it's a great gap now

NoWordForFluffy · 27/02/2019 20:29

13 months (and 1 day!). Absolutely knackering and relentless initially. Getting way easier now they're heading towards 6 and 5 this summer.

It's not for the faint hearted, but it worked / works for us!

Mrsbclinton · 27/02/2019 20:33

Exactly 2 years between DC1and DC2 and exactly 3 years between DC3.

Wouldnt change age gaps get along ok. Only thing I would change is not having three birthdays in the one month!!

PeppermintCactus · 27/02/2019 20:35

2 years 11 months. It's ok. Since 3 and 6 they've played together a lot, but they fight a lot too. I think a 18 month/2 year gap would have been better, but I couldn't face that at the time (both terrible sleepers but DS1 in particular). Wouldn't want a gap bigger than that, which is one of the reasons we didn't/won't have a 3rd.

Babdoc · 27/02/2019 20:39

16 months. And DH died just before the youngest’s first birthday. It was hell on wheels for the first few years.
But I’m glad I had them close together. If I’d waited, I wouldn’t have had the chance of DD2 at all.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 27/02/2019 20:40

2 years 8 months. Wouldn't change a thing as oldest dc was happy to stand on buggy board (so no double buggy) and pretty much out of nappies. She was also happy to go to nursery for a couple of short days per week by that age, which meant I did get a little bit of time with the baby by myself.

Fr3d · 27/02/2019 20:41

Would have liked a 3 year ish gap but ended up over 4 years (mc). Baby years were easier but they are at very different stages all the time. Still play together well.

NooNooHead1981 · 27/02/2019 20:45

7.5 years (!) between my DD8 and my DS 8mo. I definitely didn’t plan it this way but it has been great so far despite the initial jealousy my DD had of my baby. I would love another but finances and DH probably wouldn’t allow it! I might have to speak nicely to him - we can’t leave it another 7 years or he will be in his late 50s..!

Goldmandra · 27/02/2019 20:56

Just under six years.

They were best buddies from day one, They went through a bit of a rough patch when DD1 was about 15 which involved DD1 being a bit snappy and DD2 feeling hurt quite often. It only lasted a few months though and wasn't ever really a problem.

DD2 goes to stay with DD1 at uni now because she misses her.

I loved that when DD2 was born, her needs were so different from DD1's that there was never really any competition for my attention. DD1 would read to me, do homework, chat etc while I BF DD2. She would genuinely help with things like bath time and loved showing her baby sister off at school, etc.

cakeforme · 27/02/2019 20:56

21 months between ds1 and ds2 now 10 and 8. It was hard work and two mat leaves close together hit the finances but I wouldn't change it. I was 35 and 37 on each of them. Worked out well for us.

cliffdiver · 27/02/2019 21:00

2 DDs (7 and almost 5), 2 years 4 months between them. 2 academic years.

It's perfect and they're incredibly close.

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 27/02/2019 21:01

Just short of 8 years by choice. Won't change it, even my MIL loved it when still alive. They'll be 11 and 3 this year.

whereareyousleep · 27/02/2019 21:01

4 years 8 months. Now 1 and nearly 6. It's working ok so far as in while eldest is at school I get a couple of days a week when I'm not at work to spend time with the baby. Then when baby goes to sleep at 6.30 I get a couple of hours with the older one. Gap was due to fertility issues and ds1 being a terrible sleeper.

We already struggle slightly with things to do with them eldest wants to go to the cinema or crazy golf etc which obviously aren't suitable for the baby.

Drogonssmile · 27/02/2019 21:07

3 years and 5 days between my two boys. They get on brilliantly 70% of the time and whinge and scrap the rest of the time but I imagine and really hope that they'll be close when they're older so wouldn't change it. I couldn't have coped with a smaller gap.

BackforGood · 27/02/2019 21:33

2y5m between 1 and 2, then 2yr 10m between 2 and 3.
Worked out really well (although was just but lick, not planning). Each is 3 school years apart from the other.
This helps A LOT when they go to university - expensive to support more than one at university at the same time.
However there are so many circumstances you can't predict (for example, there were no fees for University when mine were born....).

You might have twins, you might have a dc with significant additional needs. You might win the lottery and be able to afford a wealth of staff. You might no be able to conceive easily second time round.

Plus, there are advantage and disadvantage with big gaps and small gaps. My friend who had 3 in 3 yrs highly recommended it - she reckoned it was great to have one 'stage' for a few years then it was all over with, not 'going back to' the bits you didn't like. She reckoned it was great to have 3 in cubs all at the same time, or whatever. I, OTOH, was really pleased they got that time to 'just be them' and not 'dc 1/2/3' altogether everywhere.

neversleepagain · 27/02/2019 21:35

2 minutes and yes, I love their closeness and that they are together for all the difficult parts of life but I would much rather have a 3 or 4 year gap to enjoy the different stages rather than wishing they were over.

pumpkinpie01 · 27/02/2019 21:44

I have 4 years between first 3 which worked really well as I would have one on one time with the baby whilst they were at school or nursery . I then had a 12 year gap and had another, it does mean there is a 20 year gap between the youngest and oldest but it’s worked out great.

Jellycat1 · 27/02/2019 21:44

17 months - 2 boys and it's fab. Definitely don't feel guilty about work. Life's too short for that. They'll be expecting you to do it again anyway I'm sure!

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