Disappointed with Headmaster

[chandylier]

Ds hates school atm.
He's y6
I'm happy there's no bullying, he is just really bored. Class has done nothing but tests over the last couple of months. Major focus on getting them through the entrance exam for the senior school. They acknowledge that they push them hard. That's over with now.
Ds still crying and I'm exhausted trying to persuade him to go to school.
On Monday he was half an hour late and I went in and told the TA about these issues and how he's really upset, crying for hours and nothing I can say can help him.
She was lovely. Tried to reassure him that there's no more tests and that class will get back in track with normal stuff.
He seemed happier.
Now the Head, who is also his class teacher, told a few of them off today, they have to miss 2 breaks. The headmaster told him that he's been grumpy since he got back from half term and that 'this is school, you just need to get over it'
So now I'm back to square1, he hates the teacher and doesn't want to go in.

I can't explain anything properly right now
I just want to cry

I'm sure you do feel like that @chandylier. It's a tough situation for you both.

I'd be looking to get him some kind of bereavement counselling. If they don't think it's necessary a bereavement issue I think they'd probably have a good idea of what you can try next. You're facing the issues head on-thats a good thing. You're showing him that you can't bury your head in the sand. That's what he needs from his mum right now.

I think it sounds like you have both been through the mill Chandylier it sounds very tough for you both, but your not failing him, you are recognising a problem that the school are clearly missing, so you really have got his back still. Be proud of yourself for that.

From recent bereavement of close friends here whose partners & older kids are in counselling, there is a delay in grief before counselling can start of 6 months to a year as emotions need to settle first. I agree counselling could help him & specialist bereavement counselling is probably best. Though does the school have a counselling service too ?? Many do & it would be easier & quicker to access

For people saying 'forget school' 'focus on GP etc' - the boy is at school for most of his waking hours - of course school is relevant.

I would tell him school is not the be all and end all and look at taking a holiday for him.

By "forget school" i mean dont focus on the head teacher and what he said...focus on getting to the bottom.of what is up.
With advice from CAMHS you can call meeting with school and bring in the professional.to.advise how to.handle this... have a strategy
but school won't listen to a parent so.much as a professional.coming in...
Get gp appt
Get urgent CAMHS referral.
Look at advice on school refusal /school avoidance

're behaving badly...kids may act out because of underlying emotional.issues.
It s not just because he wants to be naughty.
He is a child who has lost his dad...he doesnt fit in...how many other kids have a dead parent? On surface it may be other things bit who knows... and addressing that thru therapy has to be the starting point
Either therapy he hasn't had
Or going back to whoever supported him when it happened
..and support for.you op.

To be listened to...maybe call wintonws wish or other which help kids who have list a parent It doesn't matter that it was couple years ago

www.winstonswish.org/helpline/

You have nothing to lose by calling and talking thru

And look at your local authority offer and services such as this...you might get quicker access to support by calling up whoever deals with school avoidance
schools.westsussex.gov.uk/Page/10483#

.cal the educational.psycjology dept as well as gp and CAMHs

I've spoken to Winstons wish a fair few times
No idea where to start in this area
Council website isn't much help
It's an independent school, so not sure there's a direct route to help, there certainly wasn't in his old school, I had to find private counselling. It really wasn't that much help. Ds doesn't want to talk to anyone

So make it that you are talking to someone and you want him to come along
As a child you need to encourage and bring him along

He needs to be able to talk about the death to someone
And talk about the school

You will need to push it a little
He is the chikd and not yet old enough yo refuse tho you need to work hard to get him to engage for sure
He cannot avoid school and then not talk.about it to.someone