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Original poster

Feel like I do 90% of running the family, and I'm ready to blow!

17 replies

Startime · 27/02/2019 11:18

Ok I work 3 days a week. DH works full time. I have to do school runs around my work. I make work up at home. I buy all the food, I plan all family outings, I do all the washing, I do all the cleaning, I do all the tidying, I decide bedding needs washing, I sort and manage all dc school needs. Both my dc are disabled so I deal with all the additional aspects of managing Carers, medications, meetings, therapy.

Dh does cook us tea usually not the dcs as I do theirs earlier but other than than doesn't contribute to current or future household management. On my days off in he week I clean and do online shopping, I think and plan ahead. Evenings and weekends are full on as the dc take a lot of care but at the same time I do clean around their care when I can .

I feel so frazzled and drained from the responsibility of doing everything and remembering everything so even if he does something I have to tell him to do it!

We don't have sex anymore as I'm not interested to be honest. I know he wants sex but it feels like he is perfectly happy as things are except for the second aspect, but I don't feel the same. I've lost respect for him over the years as he has left me to do everything. I've achieved quite s lot professionally since returning to work but he has no interest and this is all despite him and his lack of support.

OP posts:
Original poster
Startime · 27/02/2019 11:26

That should say sex aspect not second! Is it me? Should I just carry on as I am? I just feel like I'm missing out on life. Maybe I expect to much? I also now all the lawns, he does do the painting but s room has been half painted for 3 months so it's not speedy!

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 27/02/2019 11:50

Give him a kick up the ass and make him do some chores. You shouldn't be having to do everything, he is perfectly capable too.

Original poster
Startime · 27/02/2019 12:22

Thanks Santaclarita, I have tried over the years but nothing changes. I can't be superwoman anymore. He seems happy to live in filth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Startime · 27/02/2019 18:01

I am going to talk to him tonight but I don't think he cares about how I feel. All he needs to do is go to work and he's sorted. He comes home late every day too. Leaves at 7.30am snd home around 7pm. I'm so fed up!

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 27/02/2019 18:04

I think you need to tell him the love is draining out of you. He needs to know his marriage is swirling down the plughole.

If he knows all that and still does nothing? Then he doesn't give a shit about his marriage.

Parker231 · 27/02/2019 18:07

Obviously a serious talk is needed as to the future but in the meantime tell him that you aren’t prepared to live like this and that you are outsourcing cleaning, gardening and decorating.

loopy42 · 27/02/2019 18:12

I feel my situation is so similar..except we both work full time.

I think he feels his only responsibility is to go to work and provide financially that's it.

Have found it super frustrating over the last 5 years while I've been working, but we've talked about it lots and I get loads of promises of help around the house .....that lasts all of 2 weeks then goes back exactly how it was before

notanothernam · 27/02/2019 18:18

Tell him you'll start acting like his wife if you can stop being his mother.

RandomMess · 27/02/2019 18:35

You need delegate something to him and leave it with him 100%

I suggest meal planning, food shopping and cooking - obviously he'll have to meal plan and buy for DC tea even if you cook it.

You could be kind and write a list of teas the DC eat etc then hand the whole lot over to him and let him crack on. It was a bit painful and boring as DH couldn't really cook but he's learnt etc.

RandomMess · 27/02/2019 18:37

Then you can delegate the clothes washing, drying, sorting... again it's painful but he'll learn the hard way. You can do the bedding still and I recommend have a basket of stuff he's not to touch...

LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2019 18:53

Once he comes back from his 50 hours a week is he then equally sharing any chores that need to be done the rest of the time?

Are there still chores to be done after 7.30?

Does he share at weekends?

Original poster
Startime · 27/02/2019 19:12

Yes he does nothing on a weekend or after work. He gets in and goes for a bath for ages. He does make tea but it's nothing hard and by then I'm too knackered to do anything. The children don't eat what we do. He isn't needed all those hours, I think he goes in early and comes home late to avoid his responsibilities in the home.

OP posts:
FuerzaAreaUruguay · 27/02/2019 19:20

He isn't needed all those hours, I think he goes in early and comes home late to avoid his responsibilities in the home.

You're probably not wrong. I worked with a lot of guys like this.

RandomMess · 27/02/2019 19:21

Seriously delegate those 2 huge tasks and just refuse to get involved/take over/help. If he moans remind him he could come home earlier to get them done...

KateGrey · 27/02/2019 19:30

I’m in a similar situation though I’m now not working. My dh works 9-5.30 and is generally home by 6/6.30pm. I suppose like you I want some support. Just to know I’m working with someone as a team. My dh does help with bed, takes to activities but anything regarding ehcps, IEPs, anything educational like reading he doesn’t get involved. We’ve had this conversation many times and I feel like I’m banging my head on a wall or want to bang his. No advice but sympathy by the bucket load.

youaremyrain · 27/02/2019 20:07

Could you get school transport for your children is they have disabilities? That might free you up a tiny bit.

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