How do actors cope with sex scenes?

[palomapear]

I heard good things about the TV series Outlander. But the sex scenes are making me uncomfortable. I'm a few episodes in and the main female characters has already had about 4 attempted rapes. It's not nice. I'm not going to watch any more.
But it made me wonder how the actors cope?
I understand that in more 'romantic' sex scenes there is a crew so it's quite business like. But you are still half naked in a room full of strangers- it's a weird thing to do for work. Either getting your boobs kissed by a stranger or vice versa.
And the use of rape as part of the plot - I wouldn't want to pretend to be a rapist.
I love films and TV but I can't imagine saying to my DH over dinner 'what did you do at work?'
' I pretended I was a rapist. You?'
' I got my boobs out to so Brian could kiss them. '

I don't think of myself as a prude, I'm probably over thinking things but it spoiled the programme. Even without sex scenes I wouldn't want to act for a job.

I always feel sorry for the actors when I see sex scenes; must be horrible to have to do.
And I'm increasingly put off a film/programme when I see them (old gimmer). So unnecessary. You can imply the situation and /or show the build up or afterwords scene. No need to simulate sex. Can only think it's done to add titillation and attract more viewers.

Outlander was a bit much with the sex scenes. They could have ‘hinted’ at them a bit more.

Also Claire ffs 2 thrusts and that woman goes off like a firework!

Have found that the more explicit sex there is the less quality there is in the production. Always seems a desperate ploy to hold the viewers attention. Was only discussing this with a friend the other day after we had both seen the old Rocky film, especially the first one. Now that is true romance we both thought. Then of course Gone With The Wind when Rhett carries Scarlett up the stairs...wow what a thrill!

I’d imagine that actors, by definition, are people who are far more comfortable than average about their bodies and being watched doing stuff than average. Plus some people generally don’t have hang-ups about being naked in front of or kissed and touched by strangers - I don’t, and I’m no actor.

Plus by the time everything has been staged and directed and shot and redirected and reshot and cut and talked through and reshot, I imagine it feels nothing like acting out either sex or rape. You’re only seeing the end product.

I also wonder this, but I suppose they must just get used to it.

Like you OP, I don't consider myself a prude either, but do find some explicit sex scenes on TV a bit uncomfortable to watch.

Um, doesn’t Rhett carry Scarlett up the stairs to rape her?

Livid, yep. And in the morning she looks all refreshed and content. Like it's just what she needed

I think I'd go off like a fire work if Jamie Fraser even looked at me

As far as the Outlander sex scenes go, Sam and Caitriona have given interviews etc. about it and they are surrounded by people so not very sexy. They are both body confident and, I expect, that is true for most actors. I think, too, that if your an actor, it's part of the job so you must accept that you're going to have to just get on with it sometimes.

Please stick with outlander. It honestly gets really, really good. The sex is integral to the story line and the rape stuff is really just part of what was a very violent era in Scottish history.

I was —sometimes still am— an actress. These days, I’ll do kissing scenes and before/after sex scenes but no sex or nudity. When I was much younger and easily led/influenced I just did whatever I was told. When I first got into acting sex scenes were not as explicit and closer to porn than they are now and they weren’t as frequent.

I found increasingly with agents, casting directors and directors that if you were an actress then it was a given that you were absolutely fine with getting your kit off and doing any sort of sex scene asked of you with a total stranger (often about 20 years older). You had to do them to advance your career and if you didn’t you weren’t taken seriously as an actress.

I realised one day that I was sick of feeling like a stripper or a prostitution, that female nudity is far more frequent than male nudity and that every time I had to do a sex scene in an audition, play or film, I had to ignore a tiny voice inside of me telling me I really didn’t want to be doing this. It was really at odds with my private life...I’m private, I don’t sleep around, only have sex in serious committed relationships and I hated the idea that my loved ones could see images and scenes of me that were explicit.

No doubt there will be people on here saying “it’s just acting”, it’s not real sex etc. But you’re almost always naked, snogging, dry humping, having your boobs and other parts of your body kissed, licked, touched and...well, I can’t say I enjoyed that, towards the end it felt rapey and the attitudes I faced from lots of men and women in the industry when I’d try and suggest that there might be another way of doing things made me feel really devalued.

All these realisations cape about when I was having counselling for the first time about childhood abuse and I realised that I’d never had boundaries or felt I could say no, and that I had always done what I was told because I literally thought I’d be killed if I disobeyed. The acting industry was pretty toxic and kept me a victim. When I was younger I’d just switch my emotions of and get on with it. Older me realised that I was ignoring my fears and needs every time I ended up doing a nude or sex scene.

There were other reasons I gave up full time acting but the sex and nude scenes were a big part of it.

To be fair to the makers of the show, the books that it's based on (Diana Gabaldon's 'Cross Stitch' series) is absolutely chock full of very explicit sex and rape scenes. I've read them. They are very, very rude, almost from the off!

I've not seen the show yet but it sounds like it's quite close to the books.

I had to stop watching at the end of season 1, it got too much for me.

With regard to Outlander, It was the attempted rapes that turned my stomach. 4 if I recall correctly. In the age of Me Too I wondered how the male actors felt.
I don't think the scenes were necessary plot wise.
I've watched Game of Thrones and there are sex scenes in that too but I don't remember being as bothered by them.
Im just going to have to find something else too watch.

It is still a weird way to make a living.

Thanks for reply Shady. I wonder what really would have happened if you had different boundaries years ago? I suspect you are right it would have harmed your career because someone else will come along and say yes to the things you turned down.

It was very interesting and you are right that these types of scenes have changed. Do you think male actors feel the same?

Sex scenes make me cringe esp when they are put in there & serve no purpose to the storyline.

Strike Back was the worst. Nearly every scene with Sullivan Stapletons character he'd be having sex & they'd go on for about 5/10 minutes. I think Sullivan Stapleton is hot so shouldn't really be complaining but I had to fast forward because it just got repetitive & annoying.

@palomapear

I think I’d have been given a reputation as being “difficult to work with” and I was already given a reputation as being a prude because I didn’t do one night stands and “experiment” while I was on tour etc and I wouldn’t sleep with anyone to get a part.

The majority of actors I worked with have been fine and respectful with the odd one or two that were nasty pigs (usually much older when I was early 20s). Directors and producers are ime much worse and often you do have to sleep with them or at least let you think you’ll sleep with them to get big parts on TV and Film or very prestigious theatre credits. That applies to male actors too and we knew about Kevin Spacey for ages. Some female directors are very predatory towards young male actors too and see themselves as being entitled to sex with the boys they are working with.

My ex was an actor and I once commented that the level of what we were expected to do and how much sex scenes have changed (usually a female bent over a table totally naked with some guy doing her from behind when she’d never consented) and I said I think it all changed with The Tudors and Game of Thrones. He felt it started with Rome but either way HBO seemed to change a lot, although now it’s made it over to mainstream BBC with things like Dr Foster, Wanderlust. I think men generally just see it as a job that they’ve got to do...I’ve never been given the impression that they are “enjoying” it whilst doing scenes etc and most of them that I’ve worked with are in relationships etc. At the same time when we’ve been going through scenes at a read through or been given new sides sometimes they’ve been like “this scene is AWESOME” and clearly are quite impressed with getting to be scene as a sex god! But to me they’ve always been respectful.

Most actresses I’ve come across thought I was ridiculous for questioning anything and I’ve definitely been shamed more by other females (actresses and directors) than males.

There was a very good radio 4 program about this, presented bt Tamsin Greig (have I got her name right, Debbie's off the Archers). Basically, a lot of the women don't cope.

DS is an actor - he has just played a gay man and not at all bothered by the sex (he is straight if it makes any difference). His group from college all seem quite ‘open’ about sex - though realise from the post above this is a sweeping generalisation! His (now ex) girlfriend also got to shag (on and off set!) the main star of a film she was in (won’t name him - but all my friends agreed it was an offer that couldn’t be turned down - DS was a bit upset though!)

im ok with sex scenes, but I could o with never seeing another rape/ attempted rape scene. I find them really triggering (I’ve never actually sat through one), and I find it upsetting that they’re classed as entertainment.
I guess I’m in the minority though as they seem to crop up a lot currently.

It's just acting isn't it.
Like children pretend to be a pirate or princess or what not.
I did media and got tied up for a scene - I did not feel threatened.
Likewise a girl in my group was bound and had to scream like she was being murdered - very convincing.

I usually find sex scenes excruciating, and yes I wonder how the hell actors manage them. Outlander is an exception though, the sex scenes were very centred on her pleasure rather than his, and the nudity wasn't just for the male gaze as it usually is. I hate rape depicted on screen though no matter how integral to the plot, I couldn't watch game of thrones or Vikings for that reason.

Oh and I also 'slapped' someone - but didn't feel like a bad person.
I guess it's how well you can project behaviour/feelings you don't have yourself.

As an (ex) actor, you just have to be able to separate two things in your head at once: your character's truth and your own preferences as a viewer. As a viewer, do I find the use of rape in Outlander a necessary plot device - not really. If I was playing that character - I can see how they're using it as a device to show that Claire is very much out of her time.

Could I play it? Yeah, of course. I've played the lover of someone I hated, I've played a murderer, I've played all sorts of things - it's just pretend.

Not only do many seem unnecessary or too long, many are just so unreal that they would be better left out. There is also the double standard in that men's genitalia are rarely shown.

The studios are starting to employ 'intimacy coordinators' to choreograph sex scenes. Actresses I've heard interviewed about it say it's making things much, much better. HBO seems to be leading the way on this in that they've now stated one will be on set for all sex scenes in all their series.