Is this rude?

[ScatteredMama82]

I can't figure out the etiquette here. Family day out with kids and a grandparent. DH buys all the train tickets and hands them out. They weren't at all expensive, DH invited grandparent along, outing was his idea. It never crossed his mind that GP would pay their own way. When we have days out we always pay GPs way and never make any reference to it. It's really not an issue. I noticed GP had transferred the exact sum for her ticket (£12.10) into our account and she never said a word about it. There is no financial reason for this, we are thankfully entirely able to afford her train ticket, and to pay for her lunch etc. I think this was a bit rude really but I could be wrong!

In the interests of not drip-feeding, we have many issues with said grandparent (MIL) and she has always been somewhat passive aggressive and narcissistic.

No I don’t think it was rude to message her and say thank you - once she’d sent the money, it would have been rude not to thank her.

@HeathRobinson I'll send her your way, lol!

@AlexaAmbidextra not really. I have already said there is a history of issues here.

This kind of thread makes me doubt everything I do! How could that be rude of her?! I think it was a polite gesture and without a huge backstory you should think of it as nothing more or less - someone thought it was kind of you to pay for them so they kindly sent over the money. Seems pretty nice to me all round!

If my mil did this, I'd know it was some form of passive aggressive message (she's the queen of PA). She never, and I mean never, pays for anything. She will sit there and completely ignore the bill until someone else caves and pays.

She meets my mother occasionally and even stiffs her for the tea if they meet in a cafe. My mother has tried going to the bathroom and leaving it for her, only to come back to find it still not paid. I've told my mother to tell her it's her turn but dm is too embarrassed to do that. She just tries to avoid meeting her anywhere you pay after the fact.

On the face of it, it doesn't look like there is anything wrong with what she did. However, only you know whether it's a pointed message of some sort or not. That said, I'd be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt if at all possible.

On another day there would be someone aghast that her cheeky MIL hadn’t offered to buy her own ticket 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she knows you don’t like her and is trying not to give you a reason to have a go at her?