I can never ever go to the co-op again. Ever.

[BrendaUrie]

I nipped in for a sandwich and a bag of crisps on the way home. Got to the till and the guy asked me if I wanted to get a drink. I told him I was flattered but I had a husband. He said, no, it's part of the meal deal.

I love the glitter smear story!
I laughter at this too OP! Clearly a joke!

As a teenager I had a small surgical procedure in a private hospital. The receptionist showed me into my room, and asked me if I’d like to settle now. I sat in the comfy chair and said thank you, but I already felt very settled. She said “no, I meant would you like to settle your bill? you know, pay?”

I was mortified!!

Oh ffs! OP, say fifty Hail Mary’s and ritually disembowel yourself right now. This place at times. 🙄

On the lines of the glitter smear test, don’t know if it’s true but someone told me the other day of a friend that went to the doctors because of some sort of lesion on their hoohah that had appeared overnight.
Turns out it was a squashed skittle sweetie that had somehow ended up in her knickers and embedded itself on her vulva .

It made me laugh OP.

What's the glitter smear story?

Woman runs out of time for a shower before her smear appt so has a quick freshen up with a flannel.
Doctor gets down to it and says, Ooh, fancy! Or some such.
Turns out the flannel had glitter all over it from her DDs make up!

Doctor says " ooh we've made a special effort today, haven't we?"
Woman gets home and at bedtime her DD says"where's my red wash cloth mummy?"
Woman says "oh sorry DD, I used it. Get yourself a clean one".
DD says, " oh mummy, that's the one I keep all my glitter and spangles in".

Ahhhh haha OP I'm in stitches!!! Ah well, you know for next time

It was Jenna Coleman it happened to. It was on Reddit last week from an interview she did years ago and I guess rehashed for a radio thing today.

The glitter smear story was a storyline in a book...maybe an Adele Parks or Jane Green novel.....the woman had 3 daughters and her DH had an affair with a younger colleague.

Oh God, this reminds me of the most cringe moment of my life.

My name is Sarah. There was also another Sarah working at our company. One day, our architect sent me a write-up which included detailed info on work he had done on our offices. A little perplexed, but pretty confident that maybe they had recognised my editorial ability, I promptly edited it and provided a little write-up myself on what I thought of the piece. Yup. To my immortal shame, it was meant for Sarah in Marketing. Sarah in marketing, probably simply wrote 'Approved'. Oh God. To my death bed that will be the last memory that flashes before my eyes. Mainly because I actually thought I was some sort of editor and took it very seriously.

I’ve read this before on another thread.

Haha, busted Brenda!

OP you made me giggle, ta lass

Last summer, my elderly mother was quite gravely ill in ICU. My sister and I were talking to her handsome consultant about the possible outcomes, when he asked if she had a husband. Misunderstanding the question, my sister replied hopefully "No, no, I'm single"

@MyBestFriendIsAHamster also the stamp smear test story

Yes, the older version of the smear test story is a green shield stamp, not glitter. It's in my book of urban myths

I forgot about the stamp smear story...

I'm always amazed that people still believe it happened when it has being doing the rounds for years tbh.

Very funny

Made me laugh

JockTamsons. That’s made me laugh. I can just imagine the excitement in your sister’s voice. 😂

My Mum was a theatre nurse and dined out on this story for years. The anesthetist was about to inject a older lady with something pre surgery and said in a comforting voice “little prick”. The older lady replied “ohh poor you” 😎