Sister is disrespectful of dh

[Dee94]

I married a man my family didn't approve off. My sister 2 years younger than me lives nearby and we have always been close. Over the weekend my dh and my dcs went over for lunch. My dh then took my dcs home and I stayed to catch up with my sister. Her husband made a comment about us being so in love, then I said because my dh is so good looking as a joke. My sister then said more like he looks like a Somali pirate. I didn't pay attention at the time but that evening her comment played on my mind. My dh is of Arab descent and I found myself feeling upset and angry at her comments, I feel like never seeing her again. She has done this in the past, been
Super nice to him and once he's not there said bad (prejudice) things about him. I feel conflicted. What should I do?

Can I ask, is it the fact the comment was racial, or the fact she doesn't think he is "good looking" that bothers you. I mean, had she said "he looks more like the back end of a bus" (or whatever your local colloquialism would be), would that be bothering you ?

You see, in a lot of people's families, people generally "insulting each other" would be seen as banter / as 'familiarity' even a sign of affection. Being 'polite' would only happen if it were someone not considered close, or not considered 'family'

Why don't your family approve of him ?
As your sister invited you all round to lunch, it sounds as if any initial 'disapproval' has been overcome.

My family don't approve because he is a different religion to them.

I guess I feel protective over him because it's sad that she talks rubbish about him behind his back. We have been together for over 11 years. We went on holiday last summer and she said what did I wear a burka? She said this to a family friend. I was really upset because I just wore a normal dress

If she says something that offends you, just shut it down/laugh it off, depending on how your relationship is and what the normal response would be.

Is your sister racist? Or is this just a poor attempt at humour on her part?
It doesn't read like she's being nasty on purpose - if she had a genuine issue with him I don't imagine she'd have welcomed him into her home.

Sorry to ask but what religion are your family?

Hi, she is openly racist about other races (African Americans)
She is Sikh.
I know you're see she says it in a joking way but it upsets me

I'm not saying that it's unreasonable to be upset - I completely 100% why it would upset you.

Maybe just let her know it's not an acceptable thing to joke about. I'm sure if she realises she's upset you she'll be quick to apologise and be more conscious moving forward.

Your sister is racially insulting your dh, and you are questioning what exactly??

Why aren’t you calling out your racist sister? And telling her that anymore insults or nasty comments about dh or anyone else then your relationship with her is over.

You are not standing up to your sister, nor defending your dh from these disgusting comments. Your silence means you are complicit.

Make a stand, and let her decide. I would follow through immediately if she does it again. Your poor dh.

Spring walk I think you are right and my husband is very matter of fact as well, if he knew he would cut off right away. I am not a confrontational person at all, I lack confidence and don't want to cause any trouble. What you said springealk is what I know I should do really but because it's family and she does a lot for my children I find it hard.

Springwalk I have been thinking about what you said and you are totally right! If it was the other way round he would never tolerate that and wouldn't hesitate. So I will tell her straight I won't accept it, thanks