Anxiety of shops is ruining my life

[3rubix3]

-NC as don't want this linking to my profile-

Back in October, I went into my local little express supermarket. Whilst doing something I put a few cans of drink into my bag as I hadn't got a basket. I then saw a store worker. I panicked and thought she would think I was stealing so put the cans back and went to the till.

On the way out of the store, I noticed a store member stood by the exit.

After a few minutes I realised I had forgotten to buy butter so went back. The store colleague that was stood by the door when I left approached me and said that they had seen on cctv that I had put drinks in my bag and hadn't attempted to pay for them. I explained I had put them back and that he could check my bag if he didn't believe me. He said that I could have gotten rid of the drinks as I had left the store. He said they would be reporting it to the police.

Since then, I have not gone back in that shop for fear of being accused again.

And I convince myself that I am being watched in every store I go in.

This weekend for instance, I went to a store. Went and did some grocery shopping. Then went to their order collection point. On my way IN the store I saw the guard stop someone when the alarms bleeped. Whilst waiting for my order, I saw him stop someone else when the alarm bleeped.

My mind is going crazy because he came and lingered in the foyer for a minute if that, looking out toward the car park. I have convinced myself he must have thought I was up to no good, rather than waiting for my parcel with my shopping.

I went into the same store this morning with only my purse for something and was convinced he was watching me.

This is ruining my life. I am so unbelievably paranoid about it all.

I am already on antidepressants - have been for years - and anxiety medication.

I can't go on like this... help

I even check the local paper (online) each week for their mugshots of the wanted people.

I'm so ashamed to even be thought of having done this I can't admit it to anyone. My husband knows because I had to get it all out on the day it happened (the drink incident) but doesn't know this is still going on.

On one occassion when I did mention it to him, he said "That guard is always by the doors in X (local shop) so don't worry"

It doesn't matter if they are watching you, and I don't think they are btw. If you're not stealing anything then there is nothing they can do and nothing to worry about. Just try not to focus on what they're doing and just go about your shopping. Each time nothing happens you know that everything is ok.

Separately, are you having any other treatment for anxiety/depression other than medication?

I recently discussed with my GP about my anxiety being off the scale. Sadly, I've exhausted most avenues and she has suggested I go back to the local psychological therapies for cbt etc.

Each time nothing happens you know that everything is ok. But i let it fester and fret about it. I am convinced my photo will appear in the local rag as a wanted...

This all sounds so bloody stupid when written down.

But you are not wanted for anything. You haven't stolen anything. This is the anxiety making you feel this way.

Have you ever been given any strategies for dealing with intrusive thoughts like these?

@AssassinatedBeauty No. The courses I have been on previously were OK but very vague. 2 group type things - One of which was simply to teach you what stress was. Then one to one. But this felt useless. I felt fine when I was in the room. It all fell to shit when I left.

You definitely need to get some professional help with this, as in your mind something way more sinister is going on than you think it is.

However, until such time as you can get some help, stop going to this particular store.

@MargoLovebutter This happens whatever store I go to.

I really feel for you, anxiety is tenacious. You can get through this though I promise. I would highly suggest more CBT. There is also a website with a ton of self help material - www.get.gg - or there's getselfhelp.co.uk. It's going to be about breaking the cycle your mind has got trapped in to protect itself. There are also the 'overcoming' books which are amazing, and you can get them on eBay second hand quite cheaply

If you can get some proper one to one counselling, CBT or similar, that would be a good idea i think.

Have you had a look at the Anxiety UK website? I found this article as an interesting starting point:

www.anxietyuk.org.uk/blog/how-i-manage-my-intrusive-thoughts-guest-post/

@RosiePosies Thank you for your suggestions. I really hate it. It's like a never ending spiral.

@AssassinatedBeauty I know there is a waiting time of approx 4 months for my local CBT stuff

3rubix3 - is there any chance that you could order online for a while and if you need to go to the a shop that you are accompanied by a friend, your DH or another family member - just as a short term measure? If someone else is with you, they can help keep you on track with reality and not let the anxiety twist your mind into knots where you question what is actually happening.

Also, is there any chance you could pay for some sessions of CBT, given there is a waiting list.

@MargoLovebutter I already do this anyway. And this has now gone on so long, I feel stupid telling anyone.

I wonder if I can access some help via work

3rubix,don't feel stupid it has gone on so long
I can understand how the shops association would still be there until you have better support.Worth checking out at work, good luck

Well today I have been into 2 supermarkets, on my own. Head held high. Shoulders back.

I was brave. Felt great when I had done it.

Urgh reading that back I sound so pathetic.

3rubix3 don't knock your own achievement! You didn't sound pathetic at all, you sounded like someone how had done something great and you were proud of yourself. Then your inner critic, probably the one driving the anxiety, had to knock you down again.

If you can, do try and get yourself some help, so that you can stop fighting with yourself inside your head.

Try and focus on the positive - which sounds so great.

Hey, you do not sound pathetic, not at all.

Our minds can play tricks on us sometimes. You've clearly said you can see that happening and you're taking steps to deal with it. Sounds pretty brave to me.

Well done.
Please don’t say it’s pathetic because it’s really, really not. You have to grade on a curve here!

I have anxiety around different issues and I know how terribly deliberating it can be. My counselor suggested that I say “This [event] happened and it was okay” and it helps massively to break the spiral of negative thoughts. When I hear them starting up I can interrupt “but it was okay”

Breaking the rhythm of those thoughts is really important. Even just to force yourself to name all the red things in a room, or how many sounds you can hear right now, or try and focus all your attention on your chin (just random stuff) makes a difference.

Have a few shopping strategies too to help you “fake it til you make it”.
Put your shoulders back and chin up as you walk in.
Focus your attention on a shelf or your shopping list as you walk in (rather than looking at the security guard - because this draws their attention)
Always use a basket or a trolley.
Pay at a cashier til if possible.
Recite a poem in your head as you walk out, or keep your mind busy on some task.

Thank you all.

It is a big achievement when I think about it.

@Adeste I love your strategies.

I WILL BEAT THIS!!