Constant crying since being pregnant, will it harm my baby.

[Kleadora]

I have read many posts on here, that I find many of you females being supportive so I guess any advice or experience would be beneficial to my circumstances, apologise for such a long post but this is my last resolution and hoping this will help me carry on.

I am 11 weeks pregnant (first pregnancy) since 3 weeks pregnant I have been hospitalised 3 times to A&E overnight each time, due to very high levels of ketones, I was not able to keep anything on my body including water.. my body was dehydrated and on starvation, I lost 7kilos in 5 weeks. I was admitted to early pregnancy unit due to bleeding kept in for 3 nights, and thought I lost the baby, thankfully I haven’t. Apologise for being into such detail but I’m actually in a very emotional state as I am a very closed up person do not discuss anything personal with anyone I know.

My family and I have not been in good terms for many years, there were moments that I have cut them off for years, but unfortunately due to the age of parents I always tend to forgive (which I hate about myself). I have been married for 2 years. I feel very pushed down, looked down on, and depressed due to my in laws and my husband (their son). My husband isn’t usually the romantic type although he is very loving and caring and I know he will be a good father.

I’ve been with my husband 3 years in total, my in laws don’t live in the U.K, so I try to make an effort and call them once in a while, for the last 3 years of knowing them and my husband, my sister in law or his parents never call/text/message me but they call/text my husband nearly everyday, I have attempted to put it behind my shoulder, but ever since I am pregnant it really is getting to me really badly. Since me and my husband have been together (3 New Years) he has not spent new year with me, as he books his ticket and goes to his parents.

For the past 2 months, there isn’t a day that I do not cry, there are moments where I just want to be left on my own and just cry it all out. I cannot stand my husband at the moment, when I was bleeding and he was getting ready to go to work, he never asked me once if he can come with me to hospital (which I presumed it was a miscarriage). But as soon as any of his relatives need something, he will drop anything off and be their first need. I am so depressed as I feel very lonely to the point of ending my marriage, but I’m just hoping these are just hormones. He knows I am finding this pregnancy hard due to my diagnosis of severe sickness, but never attempts to take me out, he works 5 days a week and any weekends he jus takes off and goes to see his relatives. This has knocked me down the least I could say.

Please tell me that I am not over reacting. During your pregnancy have you argued, or been emotional more than ever? Or things get to you more than before? I am very scared of the constant crying, that I could feel my heart racing to extreme that I might cause any harm to my baby.

Thank you for your time on reading my long post.

I am so depressed as I feel very lonely to the point of ending my marriage, but I’m just hoping these are just hormones.

Those are no 'just hormones'. You should feel cared for and suppoted by your husband. You say he is loving and caring but I can't see any of that in how he's behaving?

Firstly,I’m acknowledging how difficult & stressful your pg and family dynamics are
You’re v physically unwell with Hyperemesis gravidarum which is really stressful
Your dh must make you.his pg wife his priority and really be attentive
He should of course see his family,he can FaceTime,call etc but you are the priority
Talk to your GP and HV about stress and pressure you’re experiencing

I wish you all the best and no I don’t think you’re overreacting, only a fool would say that

I had hyperemesis and was very low. I seriously considered terminating my much longed for ivf pregnancy.
My marriage really suffered and my husband didn’t get it at all until I got him to read this.
https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/get-help/partners-and-carers/

Get in touch with the PSS if you think you would benefit from a supporter, I’ve just started volunteering for them and I wish I had known about it during my pregnancy.

Have you got medication?

As for the crying affecting your baby, it won’t. I promise. I felt hugely guilty about my dark thoughts and constant crying in my pregnancy but it didn’t do her any harm.

Total sympathy, it’s awful

Most people struggle emotionally, especially at the beginning. You need to monitor yourself for PND. Tell your midwife what’s been going on and make sure it’s in your notes.

In terms of your baby I don’t think it will make a difference. My mother died while I was pregnant with one of my children. It doesn’t seem to have had any effect. Try not to worry about this.

Do you have anyone you can speak to about this, preferably someone who has been pregnant recently and still remembers what it is like? Sometimes it helps just to have someone telling you that something similar happened to them and it was fine.

That said him not coming to hospital makes him a massive shit. He should be your biggest supporter and I’m so sorry he’s not being.

I wasn’t being specific about the part of describing my husband as loving and caring. I have been through hell and back, emotionally, physically and hit rock bottom multiple times. I was always made feel worthless by my parents and family, always looked down on, and physically abused multiple occasions. I have known my husband for 15 years, he has been my rock throughout my rough and emotional times I have had with my family. But ever since being pregnant, I’m hitting rock bottom again. I know there are women out there that want children so bad and cannot have, and I do feel a total selfish for this post, sometimes I have found myself to think of abortion as I do not want my child being brought up sorrounded by negative people. All the harm, torture and mention abuse I have been through, I cannot help to think how this will affect me as a mother. There may be people out there being judgemental over this, but you do not know the depth of someone’s suffering unless you go through it yourself.

I also had hyperemersis I was in hospital with sickness and I had severe anxiety and depression. My son in 9 months old and everyone comments about what a smiley baby he is.

It sounds like you have been through a lot before pregnancy and are going through a lot now. I would ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team. You sound like you need some more support. You are not selfish to struggle with the pregnancy you are having a hard time.

There is a lovely hyperemersis thread on the pregnancy section of mumset. That helped me a lot.

It does found like your husband is not giving very much support. I don’t think you are over reacting. Have you explained to him that you are really struggling and need more help. Pregnancy sickness support have an information for partners page. If you have not been through it it is hard to believe how bad it will make you feel.

Keep going you are doing well just to get through each day.