What to tell children about alcoholic relative?

[BiscuitDrama]

My children are 7-10. Their relative just missed a major event because of their drinking.
I’ve so far said that they just couldn’t cope with it, but am actually thinking maybe I should just tell them the truth? Relative is now saying they will seek help.

What do you think?

It depends who the relative is, how often are they likely to meet. Could you say your relative is ill

Yes of course you need to tell them. They are-old enough to understand the basics.

It’s better tht the kids know it’s because of a problem their relative has and not anything that they( the kids ) have done wrong.

They were unwell and need additional support. Need more background really.

I’ve been too brief, sorry.

I can easily just lie, go more along the mental health route which is actually part of it.
What I really mean, though, is maybe I should just tell them that relative has a problem with alcohol. Maybe it’s good for them to a) know the full story and b) see what alcohol can do and c) know that there are maybe issues they should watch out for in case there’s a hereditary element.

Dunno. I haven’t had time to think it through so I’m wondering what aspects I haven’t thought of.

I had an alcoholic relative when I was a similar age. He just died last year after around 13 years of not drinking. His drinking did cause problems in terms of family get togethers and him getting drunk and kicking off. I knew about what was going on to some extent.

At that age you're able to process it if it's kept simple. I would try to stay away from how judgenental you are in your language when you talk to them. This can be hard especially if you feel they've caused their own problems. Emphasie it is a dependancey at this point. Also ensure you tell them people can drink and enjoy it. It might also be worth saying that treatment can sometimes not work. As my relative had so many detoxes and stays in hospital. How close are they to the relative? If they're close they may get invested in them getting better just because they've stopped drinking for a few weeks. That dissapointment can be difficult to manage. I'm sure there are people who have more experience who you could talk to. For example your local drug and alcohol service might have a family service.

Have the children asked why the relative missed the event. If they ask or it comes up in conversation could you just say that they are not very well, part of it is because they drink a lot of alcohol and that's not good for the body or the mind, some people have to go to hospital and take it from there. Could you explain that some people drink too much or take drugs when they feel depressed, upset or lonely so if they ever feel like that they can come and talk to you.

Thank you everyone.
Yes, they have asked.
They see the relative maybe once a year due to distance, but for a few days.

I think wiggly has some good wording.

Good advice from wiggly.

And certainly you should be talking to your 10 year old about drugs and alcohol in general, this is when their attitudes are forming. You want to have talked about all these things before they get to high school, or the other kids and social media will be educating them, not you.

I think it’s tricky having the younger one as well though.