My dd will be 14 later this year. She is very mature and sensible for her age, but she does not appear to be in any rush to grow up iyswim.
We have a very close relationship and talk quite openly about most things. We have had a few conversations about sex over the years, mainly focused on explaining the mechanics of it and answering any questions that she has had. I don't find it particularly difficult to talk to her about this stuff, but so far, all of our conversations have been quite theoretical/hypothetical, i.e. removed from her as an individual who might actually engage in any of this stuff!
I'm aware that she is now at an age where some kids will start experimenting with things. I hope (and sincerely believe) that my dd will wait until she is a bit older, but I know I can't make any assumptions about this, so I'd like to have a conversation with her sooner rather than later about the nature of consent, the importance of not feeling pressurised to do anything before she is ready, taking sensible precautions etc. However, I'm not sure how to initiate that sort of conversation without a)annoying her by seeming to patronise her (she often complains that all the stuff that they do in personal development in school is stating the obvious!) or b) giving her the impression that I think she should be starting to experiment at this young age!
She does not have a boyfriend, but a few of her friends are now starting to "go out with" each other. She does have a few very close friends who happen to be boys, including one who I rather suspect has quite a crush on dd. He's a very nice kid and dd certainly likes him a lot as a friend, but I have no idea if she reciprocates the crush - she doesn't show it if she does, and she is a bit coy about talking to me about that kind of thing. I do know that they text each other constantly, but just general chat, nothing more.
I guess the obvious time to have the conversation about consent etc would be when dd actually started going out with someone, and we're definitely not there yet. However, there is a school trip coming up later this year, and I know from my own school days that things often took a new direction on trips like that!
If I initiated the conversation now, I suspect that my dd would be rather shocked and a bit mortified that I could even think that she is ready to start thinking about this stuff. And the truth is, I don't really think that she is ready. At the same time, I know that things change quickly during the teenage years, and I don't want to leave it too late and then find that I've missed the boat.
I am aware that they have covered a lot of this stuff off in school already, but I feel that it's probably my job as a parent to have the conversation as well. Just to be clear, dd definitely knows about the biology of it all, and the theory! The conversation that I feel that I need to have at some stage is a more personal one, more along the lines of not feeling under any pressure to do anything that she isn't ready to do etc. I just don't know when to have that conversation or how to initiate it in the absence of any obvious trigger.
Please help! Am I just massively overthinking this? My own mum never talked to me about any of this stuff, so it's entirely possible that I am making it more complicated than it needs to be. How do other parents approach this stuff with their children?
TIA!