ex threatening to reduce access

[Dadof1daughterhelp]

Hi I am after some advice please and hoping someone who has been in a similar situation or has experience can help.
I have a 6 year old daughter with my ex partner. We split up 4 years ago. We made a verbal agreement that I would have my daughter 3 nights a week and she would have her for the rest. This is due to me working shifts so I have my daughter on my days off. I also pay my ex £150 maintenance a month as well as half of any costs such as clubs, school uniforms, swimming, school photos etc.
I have recently got a new partner of about 7 months and this is where the problem lies, I think. I have introduced my partner recently to my daughter and all is well. They get on and my daughter likes her a lot.
Anyway, ex partner is now threatening that I will see my daughter every other weekend only rather than the three nights a week because she seems to think I am not prioritising my daughter. This is absolutely NOT the case, my daughter is my world and always will be. My new partner is very understanding of this.
What annoys me the most is how my ex partner thinks she can dictate how I live my life, she is not happy I have met someone new and brought them into my daughters life for the first time in 4 years. I didn’t even tell my daughter I had met someone it was my ex who told her when it was still early days with my partner.
It feels like my ex is using our daughter now that I have a new partner as a means to hurt me and threatens that she will reduce access which I truly believe is not within our daughters best interests as she has had the same routine for 4 years. My daughter has a home here with me as well as at her mums. She has a room, toys, I do all pick ups and drops off, I take her to school, do homework with her, take her to clubs. I have been a single dad for 4 years and I have done my absolute best to be hands on and look after my daughter and raise her the best way I can.
Anyway to the point, I do not feel secure with the verbal agreement anymore as my ex is threatening Court. I would like to try mediation which I understand is to be done first before Court anyway. My ideal outcome would be to have our verbal agreement which we have at the moment to be more legally binding and therefore my ex can not threaten to reduce access to my daughter. Can anyone advice what my chances are of this being the case? Our daughter has had the same routine for 4 years and there is no solid reason my ex would need to change this other than the fact I have a new partner. I feel like my ex partner resents the fact I also have my own life too. My ex partner has a partner herself and was pregnant within 3 months of being with him soon after we had split up. I am not particularly bothered by this but just trying to outline the hypocrisy of my ex. Why is she allowed to move on but I am not, even 4 years later.
I have spoken to a solicitor over the phone and t be honest I was really disheartened by the conversation. She said I was ‘lucky’ that my ex had let me have our daughter so much but in the next sentence said it was 50/50 parental responsibility anyway because I am on the birth certificate. Why on earth should I feel lucky that my ex has let me see our daughter when she is my flesh and blood to and I love her to bits. She said that a judge would consider things such as where is best for the child to be considering school. I live within 5 mins of my daughters school and 5 mins within my ex’s houses. Everything is very close and I do school pick ups and drop offs and attend parents evenings, school plays and other school activities even sometimes alone when my ex partner cant make it. After the phone call with the solicitor it basically felt that the last 4 years of raising my daughter alone would count for nothing and not even be considered should I be taken to court.
Please any advice welcome. I am seriously worried and stressed about my ex reducing the time I have with my daughter. Thanks & apologies for the long post

I would get a second opinion. Every other weekend isn't standard anymore. Especially if the nrp is in circumstances like yours.

Personally I would tell your ex you are hoomg to go down the court route so your visitation is formalised. It's not ok, for her to do this.

You both need to act un the best interest of the child.

Unless there has been a significant change in circumstances (i.e. alcohol abuse, violence) a court would not recommend a change in a child's routine.

Go to mediation. Mediators can often educate parents like your ex about what is best for the child and what kind of behaviour is damaging.

I've been through the family courts and I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be allowed to continue the existing agreement as sticking to a routine is in the best interests of your daughter. It's rare to decrease contact that is well established. The only reason would be for safeguarding issues.

Do you have the same nights each week? If not, that may be a slight issue. Do you also have half the holidays?

I would do mediation and go to court if you need to. Your ex can't change arrangements based in her own feelings. It always has to be what's in the best interests of the child.

The only reason it might go against your current arrangement is if the 3 nights you have her aren't the same each week.

Before my kids started school my ex used to have them on whatever his days off were to suit him. Once they started school contact dropped to every other weekend so they had a routine. As they've got older it's clear that this was better for them.

Hi all, thanks for the responses so far, very helpful and made me feel slightly better.
To answer questions about when I have her- I work 12 hours shifts Monday, Tuesday, Saturday, Sunday one week so I have her Wed,Thurs,Fri and the next week I will work the Wed,Thurs,Fri and have her the other days. This has been the same for the past 4 years.

On the days I do have her, I will work bank shifts hours whilst she is in school so that I can drop her off in the morning and pick her up when school finishes so I do not miss any time with her, I only work extra whilst she in school. I therefore work 60 hours a week to pay bills, food, etc just life in general. In school holidays I do not work the bank shifts as much and spend the whole days off with my daughter if I can but we still follow the routine of what my shift pattern is. Hope this makes sense. Do you think this will go against me at all?

I think it's unlikely the court would want to reduce contact from 6 in 14 to 2 in 14 but no one can tell you for sure what might happen.

I spoke to a few solicitors before I found one I felt actually listened and cared what the outcome was. I would speak to another just to put your mind at ease. You don't necessarily need them to represent you in court if you can't afford it.

Find a better solicitor. You might need to speak to a few before you decide on one.

Good luck.

Thank you both for your responses. Yes I will speak to a few solicitors and go with one who i think is fair and can see and understand my POV. I would like to go to mediation but I am worried that should I request this, my ex partner will stop me from seeing my daughter in the meantime and until an agreement is made which is what scares me the most.

Don't worry about your ex limiting contact. If she were to do it, it would look bad on her and I'm sure anyone giving her legal advice would tell her not to.

You'd have to go to mediation before court anyway
Try to keep your partner separate from contact for as long as possible. Don't have her stay over or spend more than a couple of hours with DD during contact. Definitely don't let her take over any childcare duties.

I think the current routine and the fact that you can take her to school and collect her will be listened to by a court. There does not seem to be a good reason to change. I think you need to formalise the agreement and try to keep it as it is unless there is very good reason to change it. Vindictiveness about a new partner is not good enough as a reason to change the arrangement.

If you can honestly say your arrangement has worked perfectly for your DD, then you can go to court stating this. If there are gremlins, be honest and try and work out a way they can be fixed for your DD. Not you or your ex. I assume your ex is the resident parent but you can certainly maintain the current position. I assume your DD would be happy for it to stay as it is. Is DD being prevented from seeing friends, joining clubs or anything like that? If so, discuss that.

Yes that is all I would like, just a formalised agreement which then can't be thrown back in my face if the ex feels like it. To be honest up until I got a new partner, things were so amicable. We would text and swap days and times if needs be, it was very flexible. We would send pictures of our daughter, just discussed our daughter in general and it was amicable. Now, she seems to have upped the ante and uses every little thing against me. For instance, if I was to have an appointment on a day I had my daughter and left her with my mum she would say I was palming her off etc just small things like that which never used to be an issue. If I don't drop off items straight away to her house she would accuse me of being too busy with my new partner when it wasn't even the case, I would just be in the bath or something. I just feel like I can't win.