Bloody football!!!

[Jody31]

I will try and keep it short. My soon to be 9yr old joined a local grass roots team last summer. They were a newly formed team and everyone was egar to get a full team up and going. My lad isn’t really the sporty type but wanted to give it ago. He’s very shy, lacks a lot of self belief and has low confidence.....but he does like to try. So, the last few months we’ve braved the wind and the rain, week in week out at this bloody football!! He’s pretty terrible to be honest, he’s frightened of the ball and kind of runs around in his own little world. A few months ago the team staresd winning games. They are quite a clicky group of parents so is always the same kids who play every game, all game. My son gets maybe 5/10 mins max! This is ok because he’s still learning.

So today, my lad has a real crisis of confidence and ends up being quite moody and grumpy throughout the match. I spoke to him and he ended up in tears. He’s over heard the coaches talking about him and he just switched off completely. So I contacted the coach apologising for his behaviour. This resulted in the coach suggesting he doesn’t play in matches anymore because he “seems uncomfortable”. I’m so distraught! I’ve said this is not to happen and that we need to discuss a way of supporting him during matches rather than stopping him playing in them!! I really don’t know how to proceed with this. I don’t want my son to stop plying but they seem to have made up theor kind that he’s just not good enough for this team. They are a full squad now so won’t really kiss his as such. I think they just don’t want to have to develop someone who’s so far behind the other boys. My son is so sensitive and really does try. Things just take him a little while longer

Of course all kids are entitled to participate but the reason there are divisions even in kids football is so they are competing with similar abilities. Like I said before there are children at 8 being scouted by premiership clubs. There are also 8 year olds who want to play football despite being scared of the ball. It is not realistic they should play on the same team or against each other.

Is he happy? If so then tell the coach you'll continue to send him for games and you expect him to play.
Be prepared for changes next season though, the coach has made his feelings clear.

My 8 yr old plays in defence, has never scored a goal and isn't the most talented! However, the coaches are fully supportive and inclusive. My son loves the social as well as physical side, despite being fearful of getting hurt. I would find a new team and help him build confidence using scouts or similar x

My son was like this and it was clear he needed to get better or play less. The club were great and played him in every match, but he also practiced lots during the week. We would practice with him at the weekends, he often took himself into the garden to practice and he watched lots of matches in the telly to pick.up tips.

I have no idea about football but , as with anything else, he got better by practicing. He now plays more in the matches, although still not the best he feels more confident as he knows he works to get better.

I would talk to your son about how he can get better and help him to practice. He should be able to plsy, but he also should respect the team and coach by practicing.

It's really not baby football at that age Op. You need to find a team suitable to his abilities. It's also important to remember that the coach is a volunteer, not an employee & can therefore choose to play the team he wants.

Just because the results aren't published at that age doesn't mean it's non competitive and 'baby football'. (baby football for me is when the 2yr olds play and even then some of them know which way the goal is)
Coaches and other parents are giving up their time to help your son develop his hobby
Your attitude towards it needs to change.
I agree with you in some respect that they all need to be given a chance but himstsrinf into space and playing with his hair would annoy me if my son was on the same team.
The coach may have a point that he likes the playing but isn't ready for a match.
Are there any other clubs that perhaps have a different view? Locally to us there is a training squad for year 2 and under who practice skills then play a little match amongst themselves. This may suit your son a bit more. Maybe look for something like that?

btw I think 'baby football' is for babies. You know, 18 months old, not older than 3.

Lots of kids are fearful of the ball, and when they do get it they just want to get rid of it straight away. At 9 years old there will be kids who are very good indeed and will be scouted etc. Parents dream of this.

But there will also be the kids who turn up and train every week, who work hard. Then one day they lose their fear - and you see the change in them.

Don’t give up. Grassroots football is about developing every player, if this isn’t happening speak to the head coach. Maybe ask around and get some feedback on other clubs. But there’s a lot to be said for showing up and working hard. Those kids might not be top goal scorer but the earn the respect of their team mates.

My boys are 16/17 now, been playing since they were three. DS1 was the fearful one. He stopped playing about a year ago. His team never won and weren’t very good, bottom of the league every season. Those boys turned up. Parents stepped in when the club couldn’t find a coach and we played and trained week in week out. Didn’t matter they were shit, still so much to be proud of.

Coaches are volunteers.
They need to keep a range of players but if your son isn’t enjoying matches then why put him through it? Our club - who are now in ten competitive ages - run training only and development sessions.

And FWIW my son scores quite frequently and I don’t take him to McDonald’s

Dont give up op the only way he will develop is by playing.
Some coaches and parents are very competitive. Some look to develop all the players others just to win.

Have a word with the coach about him playing as well as training with him at home. The more practice he has the better.

My oldest started playing last season was a whole new team with mixed abilities. Many were afraid of the ball they were terrible. Coach was brilliant made sure they all got time in matches and worked on developing them all not just the few very good ones. I wasnt able to go to many matches at the start of this season but when i did blimey i was amazed they have improved massively and have been winning matches too.
I do believe coaches have a huge impact.

My younger son started in under 8 this season and they already had players that played in last season who were very good but the new additional players were not very good. The coach is very good and looks to develop them all they have a squad of about 9 players. They all get time on matches regardless of ability. The coach rotates them not only on time in matched but in the positions they play.

Its a competitive sport because parents and coaches make it competitive! Most of the kids just want to have fun and play. Win or lose by the time they get home they move on with other things to do, they arent bothered about the league table!

My son is in 'baby football' he is apart of mighty kickers. There kids can run in the wrong direction.
By 8 he should be able to focus and participate in the game.
If he's so bad where the other kids can't enjoy then he should find somewhere else.

Perhaps consider getting some 1-1 training for your son? Basic footwork, ball control etc?

My DS is a goalkeeper in the U12’s league and trains several nights a week plus an early morning session on a Saturday then his match and sometimes a match on a Sunday.

I mean this kindly as I’ve seen it happen, it will only be a matter of time before your sons team mates are moaning at him for kicking the ball the wrong way or not concentrating if the rest of the team are giving it 100% and your DS is is dreamland.

OP there are FA guidelines for children of this age playing football. If the guidelines are confusing you can check with the FA County Welfare officer or the Club welfare officer.
Each coach goes through training by the FA and this subject is covered on the courses.

ok - my thoughts

to be fair if your son doesnt like / isnt very capable to play football and the team are developing in a clique and becoming quite conpetitive then its probably the wrong place for him regardless of how it may have been dealt with

generally if you are at a larger grass roots club they have an A team and one ot two B teams with the best players being in the A team and it therefore generally being far more competitive about winning etc whilst those less capable or doing it for fun are placed in the B team/s where there is less pressure.

Sounds like this team is more of an A team in terms of dynamic and ethos your son would be better suited to the ethos of a B team situation of playing for fun in a more supportive environment.

of course there are other sports whixh are less intense and require a bit less aggression like cricket or running or tennis which are not team sports etc

i feel for you one of my own DS was put in the A team at his club because he is a great player and confident but it took him a long time to grow into the speed of matches and the v v competitive nature of it - and his is a really talented footballer!! At one point we were thinking of moving him because hw just didnt like the dynamic bit eventually he got used to it and it was his own choice to stay bit i often think the environment in the B teams is far nicer !!

It is not fair on everyone else in the team if one person is a lower standard.
It isn't just about your son, and what you want for your son. It's about everybody else's son too. They want their child to develop and run around too, and you can't do that if the people around you don't develop with you.
Take a basic skill 'pass and move' for example.
So, you pass it, you move around the opposition, you get the ball passed back. If you have one player who can do this (player A) and one who doesn't (B), then A makes a pass, moves, B runs around to his hearts content in the wrong directuoband doesn't pass it back. So, B has a lovely time. Player A who would like to develop his game, has achieved nothing. In fact if anything, he's learnt something negative- , don't pass it.
Why is what your son wants, more important than what someone else's son wants.

You are absolutely right, your ds should be able to play football; but find a team for him of equivalent standard players.