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MIL visiting

27 replies

glenthebattleostrich · 22/02/2019 11:01

This is not a MIL bashing thread. I love my MIL, she is in early stages of vascular dementia and is in fairly poor health. I'm also feeling bloody awful with a chest infection and laryngitis (I'm asthmatic and not contagious!). I am fully aware that this is a very petty list of complaints and I'm putting them here so I can be a nice DIL and not throw things at my husband.

So she's visiting until Sunday. Arrived tea time yesterday.

On arrival DH announced he couldn't get today off work (I don't work Fridays). Ok fair enough, he's has something dumped on him last minute. He's been informed he will not be watching the rugby on Saturday!

Last night she asked me 23 times between 5:45 and 9 how long is lost my voice.

When she arrived she teased a mindee, who is quite shy, until he was a bit upset. Then called him spoilt because he wanted a cuddle. DH took her to show her her room. (The child should have been collected but parents were late).

We have had the same conversation 7 times this morning.

She has walked into my bedroom twice, once as I was taking meds in my PJ's and once when I was showering.

She is teasing the dog then complaining when she's growled at.

She has told me off 5 times for not getting dd a gift from her as she wanted to get her a present.

She hums whenever she's not talking.

She's trying to use my ensuite. There is one in the guest room which is nicer than mine bit wants mine and is offended I won't let her.

I know lots of it is her illness but things like the no respect for privacy has been a problem for years.

Right, off to paint a smile back on and go make her yet another coffee to not drink. Thanks for the vent, and to be clear I'm putting it here so I can be lovely and kind to her.

And yes I do want her here, she's a lovely grandmother to my DD and we want lovely memories.

OP posts:
MathsWorld · 22/02/2019 11:19

It sounds tough.
Before the vultures descend upon you, I just wanted to say well done for letting it out on here and not on your family.
MN is a handy venting tool.

Obvs feel free to take it all out on DH if he watches the rugby!

spanishwife · 22/02/2019 11:26

Agree with PP. Sometimes you just need to vent to someone/something impartial!!! Sounds like you are doing a great job and being lovely given the circumstances. It's a frustrating situation even without the dementia. I think most people who have dealt with a family member with dementia will tell you they've lost it out of frustration.. and then dealt with the horrible guilt after!
Try and give yourself little breaks to sneak off and chill out.

Ribbonsonabox · 22/02/2019 11:31

Flowers Wine
You are doing a great job having patience with her! I'm sure your family will appreciate the memories.

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/02/2019 11:34

That does sound tough OP. Make sure you get out for an hour or so tomorrow for a coffee somewhere or a walk.

averylongtimeago · 22/02/2019 11:35

Vent on here! You know she can't help it - her illness is not her fault and is making her existing annoying habits worse.
Dementia is awful- be kind to her and let off steam on here. And make sure DH does his bit too!

Nothingunpleasant · 22/02/2019 11:36
Wine
glenthebattleostrich · 22/02/2019 11:37

Thanks. I was fully expecting to be called a selfish cow!

Just dropped dd and mil at pottery shop so have 30 minutes to walk the dog and enjoy silence! And I've booked somewhere lovely for lunch and cake.

If dh tries to watch rugby I'll be turning his favourite rugby shirt into a dog chew toy.

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 22/02/2019 11:45

To be fair, we have it easy, my sil bears the brunt of it. We live 2 hours away from them (moved because of husband's job 15 years ago) so the least we can do is this.

It's just bloody frustrating.

I'll probably be venting on here lots over the next couple of days, so apologies. But better here than saying it out loud! There's no way I'd want her upset or to know how bloody annoying she can be!!!

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 22/02/2019 11:53

Count totem mentally remind yourself her brain is sick and then paint on the smile. Can you lick your bedroom door to stop her wandering in?

glenthebattleostrich · 22/02/2019 12:02

Can you lick your bedroom door to stop her wandering in?

Brilliant autocorrect 😁

My peace is over and I'm going back to get them. Wish me luck!

OP posts:
spanishwife · 22/02/2019 12:12

Not sure if licking the door would help, worth a try? Grin

longtimelurkerhelen · 22/02/2019 13:21

Can you lick your bedroom door to stop her wandering in? Smile

Maybe it's a territorial marking based deterrent thing?

Op you have the patience of a saint, dementia is awful.

flumpybear · 22/02/2019 13:38

Oh bless you, I feel like smothering mine st times and she's not got health issues I can claims for the terrible behaviour she has exhibits in my home

glenthebattleostrich · 22/02/2019 18:20

Survived lunch.

Same story 4 times. She forgot her activity this morning. Had to be shown photos of it. Makes me so sad 😣

Poor dog is exhausted, she's never been walked so much!

Husband is taking us for a nice lunch tomorrow and brought crisps, chocolate and wine home. He may just survive the weekend.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 22/02/2019 18:34

Oh how difficult Sad

You’re doing a lovely thing though, and it sounds like, in the moment, she’s quite happy

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 23/02/2019 09:40

Bless you OP. My MIL isn't as bad, yet. She remembers who DGS is, although it took her about 6 months before his name imprinted. But it's pretty wearing, especially when her racism surfaces. That's when I miss FIL the most, because he kept her in check. Lovely man, a true old fashioned socialist and the epitome of a gentleman.

Maelstrop · 23/02/2019 11:46

I feel your pain! Trying to divert the same story was impossible, she just carried on like a bulldozer. The racism was a charming aspect of my mil’s dementia, same story of her mother saying the Windrush immigrants ought to have been given money to stay where they were. 😳

It’s a horrible disease, I’m sure in the future it’ll be a reason for being allowed to go to Dignitas. My mil is a shell, her spirit has gone. She’s literally a body, not a person, iyswim.

MathsWorld · 23/02/2019 16:38

How are you doing @glenthebattleostrich ? Keep walking that dog!

glenthebattleostrich · 23/02/2019 16:55

DH has been off today. The dog had a nice long walk, found some fox poo and decided to be an arse in my DDs TAs garden (she lives on the next street and is lovely). I had to bath DDog, who is very unhappy with me. DH took DMIL for a coffee while I did that so got most of the morning off.

Lunch confused her, DH and I low carb so we went to a meat buffet place. She got upset because she hadn't ordered and we explained things lots of times. I had wine so it was ok.

She's now having a cup of tea and watching rugby with DH while I pop to a pta colleagues house to sort some expenses. And have a gin! He's explained the difference between league and rugby 3 times so far!

DDog is being so sweet with MIL and cuddling her lots (because I bathed the treacherous little beast). I keep getting told how little she likes dogs before she hauls madmutt onto her lap for another cuddle. It's quite sweet.

We are currently having a panic about where her ticket home is and how she's going to get back. So keep reassuring her that I have a copy and will reprint before she goes home.

It's the little things you notice. Things like she packed her dirty clothes by mistake and has left clean ones at home. Obviously they were discreetly washed and ironed and put in her bag for today. She used to be very proud of her appearance bit isn't putting her makeup on to go out for lunch. Daft as it sounds it makes you realise that she's slipping away 😣

Thanks for asking @MathsWorld and thanks to everyone else for the kind words and support.

She goes home tomorrow, we are visiting next month and then having her back for both bank holiday weekends in May.

OP posts:
Weezol · 23/02/2019 17:02

He's explained the difference between league and rugby 3 times so far!

What, that League is way better? (Sorry).

Vent away! It's what we're here for. Glad DDog is being loved to bits by MIL.

glenthebattleostrich · 23/02/2019 19:41

Wash your mouth out Weezol. I'll not have that sort of nonsense here!!!

OP posts:
Weezol · 23/02/2019 21:12

Shan't.

How are things going? I have visions of DDogs legs getting shorter through the wear incurred by all the extra walks.

glenthebattleostrich · 24/02/2019 09:00

DDog is loving the extra walks.

DH has come down with lurgie apparently this morning. He's tired and has been up all night 🤔. He needs to rest and relax.

No feckin chance.

MIL goes home this afternoon so need to get all sorted for the week ahead in record time!

OP posts:
Weezol · 25/02/2019 20:59

Does it seem unusually quiet this evening? I bet DDog is missing all the extra fussing.

Cherrysoup · 25/02/2019 21:22

Is she safe to travel home alone?

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