Feel sad for my dd

[Mrspimplepopper]

My dd is 9, she has one girl that is her best friend. Shes quite a shy girl and lacks confidence. As much as i try to encourage her to be friends with other girls she seems to cling to her best friend.

Ive invited other girls to our house. Dd is never invited back. Ive talked with her about how to make friends and more recently bought her a book on how to make friends.

Now her best friend is lovely and i get on well with her parents. So much so that ive offered to help them with their childcare issues on mumerous occasions. Having the best friend overnight when the parents have been working. Last month i had the little girl with me when she was off sick fro. School as her parents had to work.

Im sad for my dd as shes never invited to best friends house. Yet i find out from the psrents that other girls have been for sleepovers and for tea etc...im just so sad for my dd

How can i help my dd? I just dont know why shes never invited even to her best friends house.

Part of me feels angry tbh that i have gone above and beyond to help her best friends parents out. I know i shouldnt do favours for them and expect anything in return. I know im being unreasonable. Im just pretty fucked off that my dd is always left out

Maybe they are also trying to expand their daughters friendship group too? Perhaps a little DD would love to come & play at yours, next time you have their DD?

Outside clubs (guides, sport, drama or whatever she’s interested in) to try & expand her friendship base? If you feel your DD is ‘clinging’ to one friend through a lack of confidence maybe a chat with her teacher to see if they can help?

My dd goes to brownies, a few of the girls from her class go but dd shys away from them. Infact she sometime cries that she doesnt want to go to brownies because no one talks to her

You might need to ease off a bit. Let your daughter manage her own friendships, don't make her feel that you are anxious and judging her as some semi-friendless loner!

Also don't offer to help with childcare if you then feel they owe you. Let your daughter have her friend over when SHE wants.

Generally step back. Focus on your own friendships. Let your daughter ask if she wants your input.

Ohhhh gosh i never thought that she'd feel i was judging her. I'll definately back off. Thanks for that.

And yep i need to stop offering to help so much. I can be such a twat

Well she may not have noticed, of course. But I think we all need to believe our parents have confidence in us, even if we don't have confidence in ourselves!

It's hard isn't it, and important that you don't micro manage her situations as it never works, I speak from experience unfortunately. However, you could try increasing her confidence by giving her the tools to manage certain situations for herself ...one tip is encourage your daughter not to give away all the 'power'
For example- teach her not to ask others if she can play - instead teach her to say 'what are we playing?' IYSWIM

Your post of 19.08 is interesting. You say girls from her class go to brownies, yet she doesn’t spk to them. Your DD then says nobody speaks to her....But they wouldn’t, would they if she is ignoring them?