Anyone's Mum not like them?

[NarcissistMum]

I was reading a thread this morning about a lady whose parents wanted to take back their share of the business, and give it to golden child, their brother.

This struck so many chords with me. Someone replied 'trying to do more for them won't make them love you more equally' It was a real lightbulb moment.

I have 2 DS and all my life my mother has played divide and conquer with the three of us. By nature she is a very controlling, self absorbed woman. Ever since I was a kid I have memories of her falling out with everybody. Her family, neighbours. I seem to be her whipping boy now. She will never phone me (claims it's too expensive as I only have a mobile, despite her having hundreds of thousands in the bank). Unless she wants something. My poor Dad was under the thumb until he died 3 years ago.

I finally got it in my head that she doesn't really like me. When I ring she never asks me how I am, its all about her. I had pleurisy a couple of weeks ago, and her response was 'Oh I had that once' and had to hear all about her experience of it'

So I get it, that I'm not golden child, and I am just a fly in the ointment to her, but why do I keep hoping that one day she will love me, say shes proud of me? It's not something you should have to hope for from your mother, is it?

I wish I could stop doing nice things for her, like sending her flowers, or little gifts, because it makes me such a mug. But I can't stop. I suppose deep down I will hope for something else until the day she dies.

Narcissisticmum I think this is it. But we took you to Stately Homes" - survivors of dysfunctional and toxic families
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2562518-But-we-took-you-to-Stately-Homes-survivors-of-dysfunctional-and-toxic-familiess_

my mother loved me but I think felt so guilty she left my brother and sister when my parents divorced that they became her end all and be all. I struggled to deal with this right until I saw similar happen to my children by her (clear favouritism towards niece who lived in the same country as her . ignoring mine at the time we were visiting) and I went low contact. In return I formed a close and loving bins with my lovely mil.

my mother died 3 years ago. it is rare I think about her in my day to day life. Darling Mil passed 11 months ago. we speak of her daily she is dearly missed.

Funny how life works out sometimes.

bins =bond

My mum has got more and more critical and judgemental of me over the last few years despite me bending over backwards for her whilst my brother and his wife take the piss out of her constantly. It got to the point she was so rude to me I went NC recently.

I think going NC with a parent is seen by most as abhorrent - I've been telling my other half for years how awful she has made me feel but his stock response was 'but she's your mother...' I countered that by reminding him that I'd gone NC with a previously very close friend after her demands and behaviour were impacting on all of us and what a difference that made to us. He told me last week that it's like a cloud has been lifted from you and he apologised for pushing me to maintain this damaging relationship.

Thank you so much for the link. I wonder if a new thread has been started under a new title, as the last one dates from 2016 and is full. Yes - the stately homes statement is my mother all over. We were in the Natural History Museum in the school holidays, and we bumped into my history teacher. I swore she nearly had an orgasm she was so excited that she could show the teacher what a wonderful mother she was. Everything was for show. My eldest sister (golden child) will sit there goading me, or trying to push my buttons all the putting her arm around the mother. I don’t see either of my sisters now, but that just gives the mother even more reason to have a pop. ‘Oh I want to see you all get on before I die’ No chance. I don’t want to be in the same room as them.

My mum definitely doesn’t like me... but fuck her 😂 she has a lot of jealousy and bitterness inside herself.

I send her flowers on her birthday, a text on the anniversary of her late mums death (my gran) and she sees my children at Christmas

It means 1.) she cant say I’ve done anything wrong and 2.) I don’t hold any guilt

I find it irritating and ridiculous all the bullshit about mothers and unconditional love. There are plenty who really don't care about their children.

I rarely see mine because she can't be bothered to visit me (one hour on the train). She's never helped me with anything my whole adult life (dcs, illness etc) yet I always volunteered to help her .

Like pp I stopped bothering, I see her every six months or so, so my dc can see granny and I can give her a Christmas/birthday present. I've got a busy life, work and dcs, I won't waste my time on someone who values me so little.

Yes, another one here who both parents didn't like, but they professed to love me. They didn't treat me with any love or offer any support at any stage really. My father is dead now but at my wedding he announced to my mother in law that 'I love her but I don't like her'. Just what you want to hear at your wedding.
I was always the scapegoat, desperately seeking approval but always being treated badly. I've had enough and barely see my mother now. I am desperately looking for the exit after half an hour with her.