Am I too overprotective?

[MadAboutWands]

I would like some point of views as H and I seem to have complete oppostive view on this subject.

Dc1 is 15yo. They have been selected for a sport event in France. They are going with the team. Two options are possible

1- driving them down to London to a meeting point where most of the team will board on a bus. Bus will take them to the location in France. And then bring them back. The drive to London is several hours. Meeting up for the start of the journey is a very early start (5.00am) so it means going down the day before and staying in a hotel. H agreed he was happy to do it when we first learnt about it and said Yes for dc1 to go.

2- two people who are living closer to us are going down by train and will stay in a hotel near Dover where they will meet up with the rest of team/bus. These two people are proposing to ‘take dc1’ with them. This would mean two trains before arriving in Dover and a stay in a hotel there before meeting the bus. We (H, me or dc1) have never met them before. Dc1 has never travelled in his own. They would have to be in different carriages in the trains (the two people have already booked their tickets) and of course dc1 would on his own in the hotel.

H thinks option 2 is OK and that dc1 would manage regardless. I think he is quite keen in avoiding the drive.
I think option 1- is better but I am told I’m just overprotective and they are mature enough to handle it.

What do you think?

I think the team should have organised a coach for everyone or pre-booked trains or whatever as part of the plan. Or is the team scattered across the country?

Dd is off to Spain on a rugby tour when she'll be 13. They meet at school and a coach takes them all the way. Nothing for us to plan at all.

What does DS feel about it OP? Would he be happy to do 2?

I'd stick with 1. I'd maybe feel different if it was people he knew well and they had booked train tickets and the hotel together.

No way would I do 2

I can’t see why a 15 year old can’t get two trains and to a hotel on his own really, can you not book tickets for the same carriage as the friends?

Team is scattered across the country. There is one bus so possible to have buses starting from lots of different parts of the country.

No idea yet about what dc1 thinks.
But two things are making me careful about asking them

• just like any 15yo, they think they can do anything with the confidence that a 15yo can have. No way they will think about any possible complications (loosing the two adults that are supposed to be with them, first train being late and missing the next etc etc)
• H isn’t always easy to deal with and both dc1 and Dc2 have told me in the past that they know whatever H says goes so wouodnt actually go against what he says. I’m weary that dc1 could say just because they dint feel they can say No iyswim

Also would a hotel even let a 15 year old stay without an adult?

On paper I agree Sirzy but I don’t know about you but I wouod prefer dc1 to ‘try out’ travelling on their own to close town first before travelling across the whole country.
As it is, dc1 has never taken the bus or the train in their own.
It feels like a huge step up to me.

Can you not get a train to London & stay overnight instead of driving?

I’d be worried that your teen would oversleep or something & miss the Dover rendezvous. I’d also want them at the main pick up point.

If people are coming from all over England will there not be a few needing to overnight in London? Surely it’d be more sensible for them all to be in the one hotel or hostel for the 5am pick up.

I wouldn't be happy with option 2 (and I'm pretty laid back about stuff). Different if he knew these people and they were all travelling together. As it is, he may as well be travelling completely alone.

Do you drive? If it were me, I would drive him myself if H is being difficult.

Main Meeting point is in the middle of nowhere. You need a car to get there.

I’m working on the day they are travelling otherwise I wouod have gone with H so both of us coukd drive (couldn’t have done the whole travel in my own due to health issues)

And yes one issue is that the two adults might be amazing and really take dc1 under their wings.
Or they might not. In which case, dc1 needs to be able to handle all of that on their own.

book tickets for the same carriage as the friends

They are not friends though, neither OP nor her DC have met these people.

I'd definitely stick to Plan A OP. It's stressful enough competing abroad (for the first time?) I really wouldn't add such an unknown into the mix.

I started travelling to and from the States for sport alone at 18, and I was only just ready then. I would have needed more support than Plan B at 15.

Can you take the day off to do some of the driving?

I sounds like a bit of a half baked plan

Plan A for me.If DS isn't used to travelling on his own 2 trains and hotel on his own (possibly) in Dover might be stressful.If the people were his friends and he really wanted to go via route B,then maybe. Otherwise it seems an odd plan,plan A seems much more straightforward .

Option 1 is by far the most sensible and least risky one. Could you DH not drive down during the night (say leaving home at 2am) so avoid the cost of staying in a hotel? You say it's only a few hours drive so not a big deal really.

But if your DC is 15 and has never got a bus or train alone, you need to stop mollycoddling them and encourage them to start being more independent. However, this trip to France is probably not the time to do it by throwing them in at the deep end.

As an aside, most hotels don't accept single guests under the age of 18 so if something went wrong with option 2 (such as the unknown couple miss the train etc), your DC could be quite royally screwed.

Thank you all for your comments.
I agree about the hotel and thought they wouldnt be happy to have a 15yo on their own.
Dc1 looks older than their age but still!

I’m going to insist again on option 1.