Worries that are keeping me awake

[ClusterFukt]

These things are keeping me awake tonight.

Debt
State of house
State of garden
Not going out enough
Not being a good enough mum
Growing apart from DH
My weight
My Dads poor health and financial situation

Not necessarily in that order, they’re just jumbled up and swimming around in my head like a bad earworm that you just can’t shake.

What’s keeping you awake?

I hate that, when that happens I try and think about the last TV show I watched to try and distract myself. Having to go to work in half an hour is keeping me awake. I should be getting ready but DD is stiring and I don't want to fully wake her up so I'm sat in on the bed until the coast is clear.

I meant to say I hope you manage to get some sleep.

My lip has swollen up on one side not painful at all and I’ve no idea why. But the worry about it is now keeping me awake.

Thanks Jelly 😊 me too, I do hate the night time worry game everything seems insurmountable in the wee small hours for some reason 👎🏻 Hope you have a good day at work.

Hippopotas Hope it’s nothing to serious, my brother woke up with a fat lip once, ended up being a problem with a tooth and he needed a root canal.

DD woke up anyway she's now in bed with Dp, it's doubtful she will go back off now.

I'm worried I have cancer. Having some tests at the moment but heard nothing back. I just have a bad feeling. I haven't even told DP about the tests as he never takes me seriously.

Oh God. This drives me scatty. I tend to wake up at about 4.30/5 because I need a wee. Afterwards it’s almost as if i think to myself...‘’hmmm, what shall I worry about..?’’

I should be lesson planning and can't sleep until I've done it so getting up now to go and do it.

I'm shattered but can't sleep, had a miscarriage recently so I'm upset about that and I'm getting a scan tomorrow to see if it's all passed :(

You are definitely a good enough mum Cluster I hope you manage some sleep.

For me it’s MILs recent death and upcoming funeral, and the effect it’s having on DH.

I used to drive myself mad with such doozies as -What would I have done if I had been in Sophie's position in Sophie's Choice. Where will I hide kids in the event of Nazi soldiers coming to my house? What if someone spilled boiling hot coffee into my babies pram on the bus?

This might sound flippant but my nuts, irrational worrying resulted in months of insomnia and a course of cbt to stop me from catastrophising.

I've learned that worry is a waste of time and energy - especially at night. I hope you get some sleep OP .

I drive myself potty with irrational fears and situations but it sounds like most of your worries can be sorted practically.

Based on what you said have you considered tackling a problem at a time. For example, state of the garden. If you spent a weekend sorting it then that will give you one less thing to worry about and (if you are anything like me) give you the motivation to tackle the other worries.

I always find if I have a tidy house it gives me the motivation to eat healthy and lose weight which also helps with my debt issues.

As for the worry about not being a good mum, I would suggest you are (because you worry about it) but the other worries are leading you to think you aren't.

Things that I worry about as soon as my head hits the pillow

Adult ds and will he actually start making mental plans with his life for even the next 12 months

That my business will survive Brexit and a possible recession.

That me and dh are limping along neither happy nor particularly unhappy. It's playing on my mind a lot and I'm finding myself thinking of practicalities of being single with business and dc which would be manageable but it makes me sad I'm even thinking it.

I worry dh secretly thinks similar in that the magic and closeness had gone never to return no matter how much we pretend.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie
What an awful thing to go through alone, I’m sorry you’re DP isn’t supportive but I really hope you get good news soon.

tinatsarina sorry for your loss hope you’re able to recover quickly.

AdoraBell thank you, I’m sorry about your MIL and I hope your DH can get the help and support he needs while he is grieving.

jinglewithbellson feeling much the same about my marriage, think it’s coming to an end, just hanging on for fear of what comes next I think. Hoping things work out for you.

My debt!!!
I had made a plan to get rid of it in 18 months,0% card transfers.
Literally 1 week later Ds1 mental health ( that had been very fragile for 2 years) took a serious nose dive.
Between hospital bills, court fees and fines and paying his Uber for 10 months till he got his license back has cost me 13 grand!!!. I had to cut the payments to the other cards so at the end of 18 months I will still have a balance on those cards. I can only meet the minimum on the card I ran up helping my son.
I had emergency surgery in October and my deductible on my health plan is $4000 so I have that to pay too.
The other thing is my son. He has been GREAT since everything happened, it was awful but got him the help he needed. I still worry bout him though. I think its cos I spent too many years stressed and not knowing what he was gonna be at next and constantly trying to stay one jump ahead of what I KNEW was bound to be coming.
My Dd1 has just moved out and into an apartment with a guy I dont think is remotely right for her, nice enough dude but fckin gormless. She only did this cos her and Dh dont get on so well as she refused to follow the 1 house rule we gave her and blames Dh for EVERYTHING plus her level of contempt for me is very upsetting.
I drink too much, Im over weight and hate it and my job is shaky, if that goes we are stuffed. Im the main bread winner plus I carry the health insurance.
Im so sick of not being able to sleep cos i cant stop worrying.

I ran an event that lost money. Not a huge amount, and not entirely my fault (ticket sales were unexpectedly down) but the association doesn't have the reserves it should to cover that.

One of the officials couldn't make it (went into hospital, just one of those things), but had booked a non-refundable hotel. The association don't want to pay him for it now, because he has couldn't do his job and it saves £150 — ok, but I'm the one who has to tell him that! And it isn't fair to leave him out of pocket. I'm at the point of thinking of not claiming my own expenses so we can pay him. It was just internal travel and a one-night stay, so the chances of him having travel insurance for it are very low.

Then the feedback was mostly good, but there have been some comments that I know I'll have to address at the wash-up meeting. The problem is, very few are actually things I was directly responsible for — they're all to do with people we hired! I'm worried it'll sound like I'm making excuses and passing the buck, but we chose these people because they're experienced and didn't anticipate problems...

Also, I'm in a sort-of relationship that wasn't a good idea. It will never be serious (we're not a good match in some really fundamental ways) but it's been going on for nearly two years now. I can't find somebody else because I'm not really single, but at the same time I know there isn't a future with him.

@ClusterFukt do you mind me asking if there's anything specific that makes you feel similar to me or a culmination over the years of smaller things?
Am finding the feeling more stronger in the last six months than ever before and I have had a few small inner wobbles over the last couple of years.

Just makes me feel sad really.

It's the things that dawn on me like this years valentines card I gave to dh I couldn't muster the enthusiasm to think of anything relevant to write inside it when normally I always like to put a personal message in cards I give him