Hiya, so, not really sure what the point of this post is other than to get it off my chest, and maybe stand a chance of getting it out of my head.. i don't even know where to start to be honest..
Ever since having the implant in I have experienced very low moods, especially around my period. I've read around the implant and come to the conclusion that it is exacerbating what was a minor issue in previous years; for now removing it is not an option as it has been reliable with regards to no pregnancies and that's my priority at the moment until I finish my course and qualify.
I've suffered low moods at various points in my life, including s-h when a teenager and poor emotional processing/high stress times.
I have never been diagnosed or medicated with anything, but have a strong suspicion theres some form of anxiety/depression lurking inside me..
I've been in counselling for about a year I think.. she's happy with my progress - to the point of saying i probably only need a few more sessions..
Tonight, I'm not even sure what kicked it all off. Aunt flo visiting at the moment, at uni for the week (two essays and a presentation to complete within the month), DP starting night shifts tonight. Not a great combination really.
And its like I go into self destruct mode.
Kind of.
Less than I used to, but i shit myself down. I know I'm doing it, building invisible walls around myself, and i know it achieves nothing. Yet it happens.
On top of that all I want is DP to hold me, hug me and kiss me.. and I know I can't ask this of him as he's on a time limit to get ready for/get to work.
I need the security and safety of him around me, just silent reassurance I'm not a loser, not worthless, that he does love me and isn't just tolerating me..
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing day to day to indicate thats how he feels.
Thats just what my mind makes me feel he feels when I'm having a low mood.
And i know he doesn't really feel it, so i get annoyed at myself.. which worsens the self isolation..
The only benefit is that with irregular periods it happens maybe once very 6 weeks or so..
Also, has anyone tried cbd paste for this sort of thing? Ive read about it online being used for pain, but im very skeptical of online articles, and keen to hear views..... ive never touched drugs in my life, so am wary of even the idea of it despite no thc contained in it..