Living in the past too much

[pizzaislife]

Every day I remember bad and horrible things said to me by certain family and friends

Some well a lot are memories from a ex "friendemeny" she was such a bitch to me. Don't speak to her anymore and for years yet what she said to me still hurts n angers me !! At the time sometimes I knew she was being mean but I was scared of her and kept quiet. Also she was literally my only friend at the time. I still have hardly any friends now.

Does anyone have the same thing ? If so did anyone come to terms and stopped remembering awful stuff ? I find any little thing is trigging to me and I would remember what ppl said and did that were nasty to me.

Yea spent some time in therapy. It's self harm. Learnt whenever these thoughts/feelings arise to myself it's over, there's nothing new in this memory and basically self soothe instead of reliving it.

Thank you for replying . How do you send soothe? Iv tried counselling in the past but it didn't help much

I mean self soothe

I think it's a type of OCD in the form of rumination. When I had severe anxiety I had it and it's awful. Like you're bullying yourself. I really feel for you.

Mine stopped when I tested the anxiety with beta blockers and lifestyle changes and time. Knowing what it is, that you're not alone and it can and will get better can be the first step.

Look into what helps people with anxiety and some of that might be if help to you. Hopefully someone will have better advice than me but also I hope the fact I don't have it anymore is of comfort. It will stop.

Tested = treated

www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-ruminating

Have a google. There are plenty of options.

Oh and I forgot to say, mindfulness could be helpful. Focusing on what is happening around you right at this moment and grounding yourself physically to get yourself away from being trapped in your head. Lots of apps and info out there about how to start.

Thank you for your help posters, I'm grateful for that website link and have had a read. I will hopefully try and practice some of these methods . I never realised it was "bullying " myself, and I have been bullied most of my childhood and in my 20s so maybe this is what I'm used too ? Just wish I could stop harping on about my part misgivings. It causes problems In all my relationships with new friends and my partner too.

My therapist explained that we live painful memories to try and make sense of them. So many hours going over so many things, reliving them as they are or trying to torturing myself with what ifs. Learning to self soothe is an ongoing thing. Every time it happens I try and remind myself it's a memory before I get sucked in and repeat lots of self soothing mantras. It's ok it's finished, tell myself where I am what I'm doing, it's over, I'm ok and so on. Doesn't always work straight away sometimes I get into a memory before I come back so to speak. But it feels so impowering being able to stop them or recognise them for what they are. Best of luck op xx