Do you have a sense of purpose? Do you make plans?

[MuseumofInnocence]

Currently, I'm employed as a consultant based at home. I make reasonable money and DH has a well-paid secure job. We don't have children (we're not sure we can). Financially we're doing ok. However, I feel as if I don't have a real sense of purpose more generally. I do the work I need to, and meet my deadlines. As a consultant, I don't have a career structure to build to, and I feel a bit trapped.

My DH suggests that I should stop worrying, and that I'll do my work, and things will come up, and I shouldn't force myself to have a purpose. On one hand I think he's right. On the other, my desire is to somehow "find a purpose", and make some at least short-term and medium term plans. And I think it's easier for him as he his this structure, and a more defined a career. Not that I think purpose should be about career, as there was a thread recently talking about how most people work to live, rather than the other way around.

Do you need a series of goals, and plans to feel you have a purpose, or is it enough to go through life, and enjoy it as it comes? Who is right, my DH, or is my natural sense to make plans and get a purpose the right way?

I'm slightly like you. Except I do have children, but I had my first at 18, now they are pretty much grown up with their own lives. I work full time but do a lot remotely so not really with people everyday, & not really loving what I do anymore. Sadly I had to put building a career before being a mum to be able to provide, so I feel I missed a lot & now the time has passed that I won't get back. Like you I'm not really sure what my purpose is. Sorry I don't have any ideas on how to fix it. But I would like to be able to. In my experience men & women think differently about these things, I'm not sure if that is something to do with procreation? Maybe we are hard wired to be nurturers & if we have nothing to nurture we feel a bit lost? I'm not sure. Or maybe it's just getting older? When I was younger i felt anything was possible, you think you can make anything happen & then as you get older you realise this is it? Work, bank money & then what?

Yes, it's a funny thing how one creates purpose, or even if we need it. Many people said yesterday how work was just a means to pay the mortgage - which sounds reasonable - and then in that case, what is their purpose?

Good questions OP. I am very much a planner and am always looking forward rather than staying in the moment. I had a huge crisis a few years ago where I wondered what the point of it all was. I guess its what people mean when they talk about a mid life crisis. I was a few years into therapy and was going through some incredibly painful stuff. I was longing for a baby but also knew that I would never have coped with the realities of parenthood. I think I felt I was floundering and was just desperate to get on some sort of path

Several years on and I've definitely put the angst to one side. I feel mostly fulfilled but I'm not craving a bigger sense of purpose. I'm happy trucking on with a quiet, contented life. I'm prepared for that all to change again at some point! But I never did have that baby and while I have mixed feelings about that, overall I feel certain it was the right decision

A very wise friend once told me we have 4 areas of our life that need to be satisfied.

Home
Work
Self
Community

These 4 areas are equally as important as each other, though for some, one area may have more time dedicated to it than others.

All four contribute to our sense of purpose.

Home - Projects in the home, family time together.
Work - Work projects, achieving new qualifications.
Self - Individual time like exercise, mindfulness, arts and crafts.
Community - Charity projects, getting involved in your local church, volunteering for organisations, raising money for charity.

It made sense to me when she said it. Perhaps there is something in there that might give you the purpose you are looking for?