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Original poster

Birth certificate

14 replies

Moll2000 · 18/02/2019 15:34

Hi, I’m expecting and myself and boyfriend have been together nearly 2 years. I get on really well with his family and would hate to disappoint them. I have spoken to various people and they’ve advised not to put him on the birth certificate as the relationship isn’t 100% stable. I’m really unsure, just looking for more opinions on this?

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 18/02/2019 15:37

Pleasing his family isn't a reason to go against your gut feeling.
He can be added in the future if he steps up imo.
If you put him on he can pressure you to hand over a very young dc....
And his family may well interfere too.
You are on here for a reason. Listen to your instincts.

MrsPear · 18/02/2019 15:38

Doesn’t matter what you do he can go court anyway and get put on the certificate. Also no matter how stable your relationship is with him this is a separate relationship. Child and parent x2. It is only your child but his too. Whether or not you are together. He is entitled to be a father as much you have to be a mother. Courts will up hold this fact.

PinkHeart5914 · 18/02/2019 15:40

I never understand this!

He is the child’s father, why shouldn’t he be on it?

Unless violence has been involved in the relationship it’s just wrong not to name the father

If you break up ate you looking to be spiteful and stop him seeing his own child, becuase that is the only reason I can see for this

yikesanotherbooboo · 18/02/2019 15:51

He will be your child's father whatever you do. What would your reasoning be to not both have your names on the birth certificate?
I don't feel the same about your baby having DP's surname . If you are not married ie confidently life partners and particularly if there is any rockiness in your relationship your child should share your last name as per tradition.

Megan2018 · 18/02/2019 15:57

I can understand giving baby your name instead of a partners - but not naming the father on the birth certificate is very unfair on the child - why would you not acknowledge their parent?
I think it would be awful to have to go through life without official confirmation of who your father is - no matter how crap they might be.

Original poster
Moll2000 · 18/02/2019 16:04

My reasoning would be because previously he’s brought up he would take a child off me if we were to break up. I’ve been told by relatives he’s quite controlling. I’ve not said I am not going too, I am just looking for opinions.. I know many people who have been through the same sort of thing as myself and learnt the hard way.

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 18/02/2019 16:05

Why would you not? If you’re currently more stable than unstable, NOT putting him on it will certainly rock the boat somewhat.

However I wound strongly recommend that you give baby both surnames or HIS as a 2nd middle name.

And for anyone (him or his family) telling you it’s traditional for baby’s to have dads name.
ITS NOT. Baby’s have traditionally always had mums name which was traditionally the same as dads as they would be married and women mostly changed their name to match.
Therefore baby’s with mums birth surname were easily identified as illegitimate back when that shit apparently mattered

MsSquiz · 18/02/2019 16:08

If he is the child's biological father, he should be on the birth certificate.

His name on the birth certificate will not mean he can "take your child off you" no more than not putting his name on would avoid that.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 18/02/2019 16:09

I hate women that do this.

You've chosen to have a baby with them so clearly feel they're a decent human being.

I also think it's lying and deceitful to not put them down. It's a legal record and you know who the father is so put them on.

Megan2018 · 18/02/2019 16:09

@Moll2000
Being on the birth certificate won't change that. He can still get parental responsibility through the courts, birth cert or not.
And he can't just "take the baby off you" - the courts have a process for custody and access.

However why on earth would you be in a relationship with and contemplate having a child with someone like this? The mind boggles.

RiverTam · 18/02/2019 16:10

I think the birth certificate is the least of your worries, why on earth are you still with him? Get yourself out and safe.

cjt110 · 18/02/2019 16:12

Not 100% stable yet you decided to have a child with him.... smart.

Putting that to one side, he is the child's father and therefore should be on their BC. Don't be that Mother. You cared enough once to make a baby with him so don't stop your child from knowing their father - whether you stay together or not.

Starburst8 · 18/02/2019 16:19

I personally think you should save yourself the hassle and put him on the birth certificate. He can easily take you to court to get it put on and any judge in the country will agree he should be on there.
If you want to use your surname then you have every right to do so.
As for taking your baby off you - named on the certificate or not, it's highly unlikely that this will happen, unless you pose a threat to the baby.
I wouldn't worry about his threats as they're probably empty and just made to scare you

Wellit · 18/02/2019 16:22

I would put your name only on the birth certificate. If there's any chance of him being abusive them don't take the risk. He needs to be present when you do the birth certificate, worst case just lie and say you put lo in your name because you didn't realise the rules??? If you split up though it will be more difficult to claim maintenance off him, but easier than relinquishing his parental rights. Also, you could put your name on so you can go abroad easily because you share lo name, you could say if you ever get married lo name will change too. I regret putting the dad on my lo birth certificate!! Abuse turns nastier when they have the most precious thing to taunt you with

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