Advice please!

[Corvella3]

Ok so I’ve taken to mumsnet in some desperate need of advice!
I am a single mum to a very bright perfect four year old little girl. Four years ago the father of my child walked out on me at seven months pregnant. He suddenly changed his mind, he didn’t want a child. Along with that he had completely broken me emotionally. I spent the first year desperately trying to convince him to see his child as every child deserves both parents, but said he felt nothing for her and had no interest. He has never supported her financially or emotionally, never sent a birthday card or a Christmas card. With absolutely no support network I put my daughter into a fabulous nursery at seven months old and went straight back to work full time. I’ve given her the best of everything, I’ve pushed through it all when it’s been the hardest four years of my life. (If I’m lucky I might go out once a year with friends if I can persuade someone to babysit) 😂... anyway the father of my child has suddenly demanded out of the blue he wants his child. Now I’m here feeling every mixed emotion, in despair not knowing what to do. I feel this overwhelming sense of protectiveness for my child. I also feel under immense pressure to make the right decision for my daughter. Has anyone got any advice? Has anyone ever been through this? What would you do?

Let him take you to court and fight him every step of the way. Keep access to a minimum. And make it clear that access comes with a requirement to pay maintenance. If he’s such a deadbeat he won’t jump through those hoops.

He can't just demand!

There is a procedure to follow and you must get proper legal advice about how to do exactly that.

You say he left you at 7 months pregnant: is he on the birth certificate?

How can he suddenly demand access to a child that doesn't even know him and that he has never supported?
Tell him that you are not giving him access until he pays the four years back maintenance and that he can go through court to see his child and then it will only be through a contact centre as she has no idea who he is.
How on earth does he think he has the right to just demand access like this? I'd just not engage with him anymore until you've had a letter from a solicitor and then I'd take legal advise before responding, he deserves nothing imo.

I'd let him take me to court tbh.

I do think you need proper legal advice.

Legal advice. Proper legal advice.

Has he started with the emotional manipulation immediately by any chance? Because you are pretty much guaranteed to get at least a few posters on here taking the same tack and beating the "fathers' rights" drum, which isn't going to help you figure out what is in the best interests of your child and how to achieve it.

Somebody with a track record of being unreliable and with no qualms about abandoning her (and possibly emotionally abusing you by the sounds of it) waltzing into her life and treating her like a possession is not likely to do her the world of good.

She's not his property. She's a child, who needs stability and reliability and care. What happens when he gets bored and buggers off again?

No personal experience of this, but given this man's track record of suddenly losing interest in his child (with the only consideration being what he wanted, and the welfare of his daughter apparently carrying zero weight in his deliberations) I would be extremely cautious about letting this man into your daughter's life. In particular, I would be concerned that his desire to see her might have been prompted by the end of a relationship and that he might drop your daughter like a stone when he finds a new girlfriend. I agree with others about getting legal advice. I think it is worth testing out how long he persists with his wish to see his daughter. Given his history of changing his mind, it seems possible that he might lose interest again quite quickly.

Seek legal advice, my godsons father hasn't bothered with him for 8yrs! He done his best to get out of paying maintenance by quitting jobs or not declaring them, now he has a new girlfriend who has her own children he's playing the victim blaming my friend for not allowing to have contact but taking all his money, she did her very best from birth to try and get him to establish a relationship he said he would come and his son would wait at the window for him yet he never arrived or if he did on the 2 occasions he's actually seen him he didn't have a clue what to do. If he can't be consistent then he doesn't deserve to see her, it will be her left feeling rejected and confused but if he is genuine then maybe go through a contact centre first. I hope he's doing it for your daughters benefit and not for selfish reasons like to punish you for maintenance or making out you are the bad guy to make himself look less of an arse!