MH - Really struggling

[cjt110]

I'm in a real low at the moment and I don't know how to haul my arse out of it.

I mean... I do... I know the main thing is time and using skills like mindfulness. But right now I feel so glum, angry, paranoid and just horrible...

I don't even really know why I'm posting this. A cry for help? Some advice? An outlet?

I just want this to stop

Have you tried to get an appointment with GP? They may be able to refer to you to some counselling or prescribe anti depressants or anti anxiety medication. Sorry I know that isn’t the most helpful advice, and GPs aren’t always great at helping with these things.

Spoke to her the other day. She's great. Thing is I feel "OK" when I';m sat in front of them and I really have tried all the tablets they are able to give me, plus counselling and CBT.

I'm just destined to be a miserable twat

Please contact your GP and get some help, it really will make a massive difference to you. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Depending on your area there may be charities that offer a service that could help?

@RhubarbandGin I genuinely don't know what she could do. I've had the tablets (citalopram, sertraline, fluoxetine, mirtazipine, trazodone) I've had the group sessions. I've had to one to one.

I've just turned into a ball of anger and cunt-ish-ness

Try not to think about the bigger picture right now, or how to solve your whole mental health. When you're very unwell, that's just overwhelming and tends to paralyse you and make things worse. Try to focus on the small stuff. Small routines. Make a cup of tea. Brush your hair. Maybe a shower. Watch cats on youtube for a bit, or whatever. If writing down these tiny goals makes it easier, do that. Often it is just about getting through by putting one foot in front of the other and not looking too far ahead. It doesn't even matter that much what little things it is you're doing, as long as you're doing some little things.

But when you can, there are more things you can try, too. Different meds, different counsellors, different coping skills to learn. Don't worry if none of it sounds great and you don't feel any hope about any of them. Hope doesn't come first, and you don't need hope to act.

To quote:

Normally we think we need the hope first, before we’ll be willing to act. Or we worry that we won’t know which particular action is going to be successful. But looking back, I realise that it was the act of acting that was effective. It was the stirring myself, taking charge of myself, and deciding to move forwards. Even without any hope that by doing so things would get better. -www.carolynspring.com/blog/when-theres-no-hope/

I look back at the way I've been, acted and spoken to people - people I love and I am ashamed.

It must be really frustrating for you, which will make you feel even more angery. I found it took a while to find the right tablets/dose before I noticed any improvements. I didn't like the group sessions, but did get on okay with the 1:1s. Do you have any hobbies? What do you do that makes you feel calm or happy? I find going to the gym help me, but I know that won't suit everyone.

I like meditation. When I find the time/space to do it.

I work 4 days a week, married with a 4 year old son. My usual daily routine is get up, get self and DS ready, do school run, rush to work. Work 9-5. Home by 5.15 to then do tea and bedtime. Often once DS is in bed I also do housework bits.

I had a blissful day on Friday. DS and DH both out (work/school) house to self. classic fm on. cleaning house. literally as soon as they were both home my stress shot up

Sounds like you are completely overwhelmed . But like that myself right now .
I find getting out for a walk helps me a lot .

You need to make time, your health comes before housework. Get DH to take DS out for an hour while you spend some time meditating. I know it's easier said than done, but please try. Is there anywhere at work you can go during lunch? Spend 20 minutes doing some breathing exercises?

Your Friday sounds lovely, and even though your stress levels went back up it will have done you the world of good!

I'm on my own now at work... Time for some sneaky meditation

No... not wrking. feel horrendous. cant even bring myself to ring the GP again.

Hey cjt, is it possible to go outside for 5? A walk around the block, to the shop for supplies or just to look at the sky? Be kind to yourself.

I'm trying my hardest not to bring this stuff into work and if I say I need to go out, I have to explain why.

How are you feeling today?

Hey @RhubarbandGin Thank you for asking. I got an appointment on Tuesday with the GP and talked through some stuff. She has upped my propanalol to help ease the physical anxiety effects to give me a a chance to break the cycle. Yesterday I was of work (days leave) and had a joyous day walking in the countryside with family. It did good for my soul.

Today I feel good.

@cjt110 that is so good to hear. Really pleased that you went to see your GP and that they actually did something to help. I also take propanalo and find it is a massive help with the physical symptoms.

Good on you for booking the day off and doing something so lovely, what a great way to relax and spend some nice time with the family. I haven't been out walking for ages! Which is really bad as I live quite close to the Peak Distrct. Might have to dig out my walking boots.

@RhubarbandGin We're in Yorkshire so went over to Ladybower. I grew up in a town nearby.

It did my head a lot of good. Lots of laughing and fun with my son.

Tomorrow is my usual day off work, DS is going to my parents and DH and I are going out or a prossecco cream tea...

Glad to hear you had a lovely day out and also enjoy tomorrow .
Rhubarb yes dig out those boots and enjoy the lovely area

@cjt110 how are you feeling today? I had a really bad morning, anxiety levels through the roof, so I went for a long walk. It really helped, made me feel much calmer.

I love it round Ladybower, I prefer it in winter when it is quieter. Very lucky to have such a gorgeous place on your doorstep.

@cantstop - I will thanks!

I'm feeling much better. What caused your anxiety levels to rise?

I am off child duty tonight. Straight out from work to some evening classes. Won't be home til 9.

I am working away at the moment, and I don't really like the office that I am in. It isn't very friendly and makes me feel very on edge. I had a really bad night last night, I actually ended up calling a help line as I just needed to get it all out. I didn't want to call DH as I didn't want him to worry. Plus side, feeling much better today.

That sounds like a good night, make sure you make the most of it.

10 years ago, I spent a week on London for work on my own. Beautiful hotel in central London. And my world fell apart and that's where my MH story began. I can totally relate.

The class was awesome. Really enjoyed it. It was where my son does taekwando. His coach took me under her wing and I had a great time. I really want to do it. But the costs... £30 a month, plus £30 for a years licence, plus £20 admin fee....

Perhaps something to save to?

I think you should definitely do it, the benefits are certainly worth the costs. It's good that you have found something that makes you feel better.

Your story sounds identical to mine this week - same city, same kind of hotel, same feeling. Back home now, and still feel low but can see an improvement. Just feel like no one really wants me around or that they are fed up of me feeling/being this way.

Still it is Friday and that means in a few hours I get to go home and get in PJs and binge watch netflix!