I feel like I’ve lost myself and forgotten how to parent

[plum100]

Hi all, have been feeling like this for a while and just wondered if anyone else feels the same? Started having dcs 15 years ago, also have a preteen and a 9 yr old. When we are at home together now it seems like we do nothing. Given the choice they would be off on tablets etc and when they are amusing themselves I do nothing! Since having them Obviously the net and social
Media has grown and it’s all too easy for me to just sit on my phone but life is passing me by. I feel
Like I have just gotten too lazy. I can’t remember what I would have done in my free time pre kids but it sure wasn’t sitting on my phone all day! And when the weekends come I think how am I going to amuse them all
Weekend - the oldest wants shopping etc the youngest wants the park and it’s hard to do something all together so quite often I find we do nothing. I feel like I have forgotten how to parent - almost like I’ve been doing it too long and therefore have run out of steam - I know how horrendous that sounds . Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a crap parent? I would appreciate any views. I have to go get the children breakfast somwill
Be back in a little while - thanks for reading

Yep I hear ya...

Mine are 11, 16 and 22. I had my first at 18 and so now they are doing their own thing I just have no idea what I do.... I don't even know what I did before as I started so young.

We don't do anything either really.. they never want to do what I suggest and I don't push it. I feel I've completely got out of the habit of parenting or maybe they just need different parenting.

Either way I absolutely feel like life is passing me by and I'm a watching it happen. I've been parenting for 22 years and I feel burnt out like I don't have much left to give. Lots of people are pretty much done after 22 years but I had large gaps...

I feel pretty lost tbh

Give yourself a break! You’re not a crap parent. You’re not a performing clown employed to entertain your kids 24/7. It’s ok for them to be bored sometimes, it’s a good lesson in them learning to entertain themselves.
To feel a bit better all go out for a walk in the fresh air, do you have woods near by? Messing about in the woods for a while will refresh you and get them out of the house.
Also don’t worry about not being able to go and do what each child wants, choose one activity that you’ll all do together and the next day/weekend whatever, you can do someone else’s choice.
It’s also ok to veg at home some days, get snacks in and watch Disney movies together, build a camp with your 9 year old using a table and blankets, play board games etc.

Yes that’s it! Burnt out is a good way of putting it. When my oldest was 9 I had two younger ones and so we would be painting or play dough - always something going on but now - the older two don’t want to and so I find myself just sat here. Do you think it will get worse when they are all proper grown up? I’ve feel like I’ve spent 15 years being a mum - homecooking all meals , play dates , putting them first all the time - and now they don’t need me so much I’m like - so what do I do now

You don't sound burnt out to me, more like starting empty nest syndrome early...
Like you I put masses of effort into trying to satisfy all of their needs and wants so when they don't need me anymore I'll be lost too!
No advice sorry, I just know I'm heading down a similar path!

I hear ya.
In our house I think screens can be a big part of the problem. It’s hard to motivate the dc to go out or do anything because they’d rather be on a screen. And because we go out less it becomes harder to accommodate different preferences. Yesterday we were all out in the garden together and it was lovely, like when they were little, just having a good laugh together. But a lot of the time at weekends anyway is spent watching or playing on a screen with me on my phone too.

Life just seems to be passing us by as family - they are ok - doing what they want - what am I meant to do