Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Declaring self homeless to council

25 replies

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:15

Could someone please help?

I have a toddler who gets 15 hours, in a low wage p/t job with unpredictable hours, no savings, no family to rely on, only receive child benefit as stbXP is loaded.

I want to leave him. I'm so unhappy with my low earning potential, the flat is in his name and I have nothing to keep me and DD safe.

There's a history of DV. Even this time last year he assaulted me in front of DD. He said he'd changed and he booked up for couples therapy. I feel the therapist doesn't really see what kind of person he is or how he is making life a misery. I do everything around the house, take care of his dog, wake up early for DD and even at night to get her back to sleep. I'm exhausted and feel undervalued. He says I don't do enough. What more can I do? I'm so lonely and depressed I feel worthless.

Will the LA help? Does anyone know the process? Will we be put somewhere unsafe?

I want to go, I can't take living in the house anymore.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 17/02/2019 22:25

Best you phone the council and see what they say. Make an appointment to go in and discuss. There are usually long waiting lists for housing. I don't think they'll put you on their housing list unless you're actually homeless, without having made yourself "intentionally homeless". Can you not put a deposit together and rent privately?

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:28

I have no money. I'm on their waiting list, I never updated them when I moved in with stbx. I still put bids in. I would just say he threw me out I wouldn't say I'm unhappy/scared and want to leave

OP posts:

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:29

Rent privately, where? To the middle of nowhere? With no guarantor? Let alone no savings. I can't save with this shit job

OP posts:

Dinnaehinksae · 17/02/2019 22:30

You could try your local authority or go to woman's aid. I made a homeless presentation to my local council and in the process they referred me to woman's aid who then put me and my kids into a refuge. Eventually we were rehoused within the local area in a ha house.

leigh39 · 17/02/2019 22:30

A get in contact with women's aid due to the DV... if you present homeless and your local council and basically leaving due to DV and have a young child they have a duty of care .. unsure if you have to prove DV( police reports etc if any ) of your in a low paid job you will be entitled to claim benefits to top up your wage all so housing benefit or universal credit depending on where you live .... there is support out there and I know it's a big leap ....

LovingLola · 17/02/2019 22:31

Have you family that you can move in with on a temporary basis ?

Jambalaya76 · 17/02/2019 22:32

Can you try a women's refuge?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 17/02/2019 22:33

Unfortunately they don’t just take your word for it, you’ll need proof. Good luck.

BrendaUrie · 17/02/2019 22:39

Hiya.

Both my sister and ex partner have done this.

They will find you temporary accommodation but you don't get a choice of where.

My ex is currently in a hotel room and my sister was given a single B&B room with 2 kids around 6 miles away (quite far with no car)

You will be high priority for housing but again it will be a broad area and you won't really get a choice.

Its kind of take what's given or lose your spot on the priority list.

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:39

No, no family

OP posts:

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:39

I'm sure I'll need proof but I don't. Seriously thinking of ending it all. Can't take it anymore

OP posts:

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:41

Well I don't have any other choice. I'm desperate not to stay, I can't function anymore

OP posts:

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:41

Proof for a women's refuge or council?

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 17/02/2019 22:43

OP - domestic violence falls under priority housing need & in your particular situation, the Children's Act also comes into it due to you having a child.

Present as homeless to the Council and take it from there.

Although Council will deal with their duty of housing care as they must by law, they don't tend to be very supportive outside of that. So you may want to speak with Victim Support and/or Womens' Aid alongside.

If you have proof of his violence then provide that. If not, be aware you cannot be turned away for having no proof. Lots of women don't and it's not a case of no police reports = no housing assistance.

If you have friends or family to stay with whilst your case is being dealt with, they'll expect you to do that. If not, or you being there could endanger you (eg he knows where they live), then they have to provide you with temporary emergency accommodation.

MistressDeeCee · 17/02/2019 22:47

Don't consider ending it all OP. Don't let one man in this world blight you. Live for yourself, and your child. You deserve to be happy so go and take those first steps to get away from him.

You absolutely will get help and no, you don't have to have proof of his violence

Go to the Council with the mindset that you won't be coming back to this man and your flat. Because, you won't be.

WH1SPERS · 17/02/2019 22:47

Speak to your Gp and health visitor and tell them about the domestic violence and also that you are feeling like harming yourself.

As well as womens aid and the Council. You won’t get anything if you don’t apply.

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 22:57

I know if I don't go nothing will happen. I'm not sure why I'm scared but I am

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 17/02/2019 22:59

Did you report the assault?

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 23:01

No I was going to, I ordered him out of my flat. He refused to leave and I just felt defeated that I didn't go through with it

OP posts:

Original poster

Raven92 · 17/02/2019 23:02

I feel so angry with myself. He used to strangle me before DD was born and now that she's here he's gone and kicked me and threatened to kill me right in front of her at 2 years old

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 17/02/2019 23:13

Tell someone
Tell your health visitor
Anything happens from now go straight to police and report it

cestlavielife · 17/02/2019 23:17

Tomorrow is Monday
Tell the police tell health visitor
Be truthful.
Say your fears
Ask for local help for domestic violence for support to get away safely and access housing
And they can help you deal with arrangements for him to see dd or not.

Dinnaehinksae · 17/02/2019 23:19

Don't worry about proof at this point, try to speak to your local woman's aid. Not all abuse can be proven and they're trained to weed out people who aren't being truthful. They can be an amazing support and will help guide you through it all.

LewisFan · 17/02/2019 23:22

You can report anything that's happened within the last 6 months...

Call womens aid on 0808 2000 247

Homemadearmy · 18/02/2019 05:41

You've had quite a few threads on this, and been given the same advice everyone. You need to contact women's aid and the council.
It's really difficult to leave, I would start putting all documents, birth certificate etc together, plus anything sentimental. Take as.much stuff as you can, as although you can get the police to come back with you to get the rest of the stuff, that takes time
Do you have family out of the area?

Flip