My child is 3 years old- can I still have PND?

[Imdonejustdone]

Nc'd

I've been depressed since DD was born and can't remember the last time I was happy.

I hate my partner for being so selfish. Always going out on the weekends and staying behind at work to go drinking. Whilst I'm rushing in the morning to get DD to childcare and pick her up on time. It's stressful. I'm resentful. I always fantasize about the prefect man and how he can add something to my life. One that cleans up after himself, takes DD to childcare, cooks, wakes up on the weekend to do family stuff, takes his dog out and doesn't neglect it.

As much as I want to leave, I can't. I have a job in an expensive city, he provides us with a roof over our heads- the practical stuff.

I don't regret having DD but I regret not choosing a decent man because I know they exist.

I've been feeling suicidal and the thoughts are getting worse. I know how I want to go and I've chosen a location, just not a date. But I don't want to feel like this. I want to live a contented life. One where I can watch my daughter grow. All I can see is misery as I service a fully grown man who spends most of his time avoiding family life.

OP I don’t have any useful advice for you but I just wanted to tell you that you do deserve better. It sounds like the emotional and practical load that you are carrying one is incredibly heavy. Is there someone you can speak to irl? A good GP, friend or family member?

Please don’t try to do this alone.

It's not likely to be post natal depression, but your circumstances are not helping and no amount of medical support is going to change your home life. You need to get your ducks in a row and leave. Yes it will be hard, but for the sake of your own sanity, this is the only logical option. No one should feel how you feel because of the life they lead, and you can change it. It is worth going to see your gp, but ultimately, no amount of anti depressants or therapy is going to help if you are still trapped in the same life that is causing your misery.

OP please go and see your GP.

I've found anti depressants very helpful, and so have many others.

Have you thought about counselling OP? You seem to be trapped in a circle with your thoughts. Why not take some time out to help you clarify what you want, and help identify steps to help you move towards a better life.
In the short term, is there anything you do for yourself now? Gym/swim/hobby?