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Original poster

Children playing out alone

20 replies

AllGoodDogs · 15/02/2019 16:25

DS1 is 10, year 5. We live close to a large estate where lots of his friends from school live, and hang out in the park. DS wants to go play with his friends, but so far I take him and DS2 (6) down so they can both play and obviously I stay until we come home. He now wants me to start dropping him down there alone to play and come back later to pick him up, or let him ride his scooter there and back.

He does have my old mobile phone so we can contact each other but I'm not sure. A lot of his friends hang out there alone but the kids on the estate generally do have a bit more freedom as they live so much closer. Google maps says we live 0.8 miles away by road. He's a pretty trustworthy lad, I leave him home alone for an hour or so most weeks while his brother has a swimming lesson, but this seems like a bigger step.

Next September he'll start senior school so will be going to school and home by himself and will almost certainly need more freedom. WWYD?!

OP posts:

Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 16/02/2019 08:12

Hopeful bump!

OP posts:

Artfullydead · 16/02/2019 08:19

I don't think I'd be comfortable with that at ten tbh.

ReaganSomerset · 16/02/2019 08:23

Hmm. Not unless he can travel there with another child (not his 6yo brother). I get that we mollycoddle them too much nowadays and would let two 10 yos or even a 10 yo and a responsible 8 yo but not one on his own.

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Happygolucky009 · 16/02/2019 08:25

I have a 10yr old y5 who starts secondary school in 18months. I wouldn't allow him to our park, 5 mins from home but I also don't leave him longer than 10 mins alone, not because I don't trust him but I don't think he has the maturity to respond to emergency situations.

Lumene · 16/02/2019 08:27

What is the worst that could happen if you do and if you don’t?

Artfullydead · 16/02/2019 08:30

Er abduction, traffic fatality, beaten up, bullied, assaulted, injured?

Natsku · 16/02/2019 08:32

It'll be a good way to prepare him for the extra freedom and responsibility of secondary school. He's trustworthy, what about his friends? Are they generally alright kids?

Where I live 10 would be very much on the late side for giving that level of freedom so it's not that 10 year olds aren't capable of handling it, generally speaking, so you must just decide if your particular 10 year old is capable. You could maybe start with taking him there, then going for a walk or something with your 6 year old for a bit and then walk back and see how he's getting on. It's good to start with little steps towards freedom like that, rather than just suddenly letting them go.

thefirst48 · 16/02/2019 08:34

If it was closer and without his brother I would say go for it but because it's nearly a mile away I don't think I would let my child go alone.

WilsonandNoodles · 16/02/2019 08:36

If he's going to be getting to and from school alone in September then he is going to need some independence. Why not take him to the park with his brother talking through hazards of the route etc and what to do in various situations, where he should cross roads then leave him with his friends while your and you younger son walk home and get him to return a set time later with fully charged phone on hand. You can always wait part way to check he is following instructions. Once you are confident he is returning when instructed maybe he can go and return independently. I'd leave the scooter for now though, it may take away hid focus of any hazards.

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/02/2019 08:39

I'd let him, you obviously trust him as you leave him alone, and he's obviously trustworthy. He's asking for some independence and I think it does their mental health good to know that their parents think they're responsible enough to look after themselves occasionally.

It's nerve wracking the the first couple of times, but you'll soon be wondering why you were worried!

StellaMorris · 16/02/2019 08:45

We live about 5-10 mins walk away from an estate where lots of ds’s classmates live. There is a football field and big playground there. I am planning on letting DS walk there himself this spring. He needs to cross a main road, but he has been doing that by himself to get to school this term.

StellaMorris · 16/02/2019 08:45

⬆️ He’s 10 ⬆️

ifoundthebread · 16/02/2019 09:16

How far away are you by foot? If your only 0.8 mile away by road.

I'd personally let him go, get him to text when he gets there and when he is setting off from the park. You obviously trust him as you leave him home alone, where there is more risk imo.

Witchend · 16/02/2019 10:18

Round here 9/10yo is about the age they start going up to the park etc.

What if you compromise at first and either see if a friend will call for him, or let him go up, but say you're following with ds2 shortly. Give him about 10 minutes then go up after him.

PottyPotterer · 16/02/2019 10:25

Where I live 10 would be very much on the late side for giving that level of freedom same here. My 10 year old started going to the park with his friends at 9, nearly 10. But his friends all live close by and they go together, sometime on foot sometime on their bikes. They'd been playing out for a couple of years before that though, walking to school alone from 8 and are all pretty sensible, mainly just play football. Can't see the issue if you're dropping him off and picking him up.

riotlady · 16/02/2019 11:02

I would let him, I used to play out all over the place at that age.

Stranger abduction is enormously rare, the vast majority of abductions are by family members. So long as he has a phone and good road safety knowledge (which he should, if he’ll be walking to school next year) he’ll be fine.

Can you ask him to text you hourly to check in to ease your mind maybe?

Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 16/02/2019 12:32

Thanks all, some really good suggestions which I appreciate. I think we will walk down there tomorrow, and when I leave he can stay for longer and walk home himself if he wants.

His mates are fine, I know them well and many of the parents too. My biggest concern would be the older kids who hang out there, and could potentially give the younger ones trouble.

I think small steps and take things at his pace could be the way to go. It may well get to the point of him leaving by himself and he bottles it and calls me to come pick him up 😂

Thanks again. Decisions like this are always hardest with the first born child!

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Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 16/02/2019 12:33

Can I put an app on his phone (Samsung s6) that will tell me where he is?!

OP posts:

Natsku · 16/02/2019 13:20

Yes there are parental control apps that have GPS tracking

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 16/02/2019 13:50

DS is 10. He plays out with his friends on his own around our estate and the local park (which is about 1/2 mile away). He has a phone that I can track him on. He also walks or cycles to school by himself which is slightly further away than the park. All his friends seem to do the same.

He's pretty mature and we've had big chats about road safety, what to do in different situations etc.

He'll also be off to high school in 18 months, which will involve travelling to the city centre by bus, so we'll definitely be focusing on building his independence over this next year or so. Though just now I wouldn't let him take responsibility for getting a younger sibling to the park etc. on his own.

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