Is 11 too old for a reward chart / system?

[cheminotte]

Struggling with DS at the moment. Lots of attitude which I get annoyed with and then it escalates into a shouting match.
I was wondering if some sort of reward system would work, eg one star for behaviour we are trying to get, eg
Asking politely to get drink / food at table
Coming to mealtimes when asked
Getting out of bath within 5 mins of being asked
Doing chores (not many) without needing reminded.

Has anyone tried this?

I think at that age you need a carrot and stick mechanism.

Screen time and the removal of linked to pocket money as the carrot seem classic options

Screen time is the first to go - normally phone, then TV then Xbox.
He’s asked for a pocket money raise.

I use a points system with mine, rather than reward charts. We have a list of stuff I expect them to do. Generally worth 10points each but we change the value to reflect more challenging things.
On Saturday they sit down and tot up their list and the total is converted into pocket money (1 point=1 cent/penny) or screen time (1 point=1 minute)

I don’t really need sanctions as such as it’s pretty much built in.
I don’t have to keep on top of it as the deal is that they can only add on a week worth of points at a time so if they forget to add them up, tough.
They can add on things that they are struggling with or challenging themselves.
If they want extra pocket money they just step up and do a bit more.

My eldest is ten but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work with an 11 year old

Just to clarify. They can only have screen time at certain times regardless. They earn their iPad/Xbox time with the points but can watch Netflix/dvds etc if they haven’t earned iPad/Xbox time. I’d go bonkers if I couldn’t have an electronic babysitter break!

That sounds good Wicked . Do you ever remove points or is it all carrot? Do they get some pocket money anyway or only through this?

I agree about the need for at least some screen time for my own sanity which is why we rarely enforce a total ban.

Don't think they can be too old for it, just the rewards need to be appropriate for their age, but so does the tasks involved and maybe even a "negative equity" section for when they don't behave at all to make them realise life isn't just either "they get what they want" or "don't" but that actions have negative consequences too.

11 is not too old. I have a reward system at work. It's done through BACS.

Me point 4point2 !

I agree zzz it’s finding a formula that works.
I’ve never linked chores to pocket money before as I think they are just part of being a member of the household. He does do them but needs reminding several times first!

I use a reward system with teens aged 12 to 17. They do work if they are invested in the system.

We show the money or screen time or whatever the reward is on a A4 chart (for example a googled picture of 50p) .. It's important to show what they are starting with and losing rather than seeing what they are earning (if that makes sense). Don't have too many 'expectations' choose 3 which you would like him to do the most.. too many and it's overwhelming.

So eg?
Do chores without prompting
Come to tea when asked
Put clothes away without reminding

Or maybe even just
Do a specific chore without prompting

I don’t remove points. But if I need a serious sanction I would ban them from using the iPad during a certain time. eg they might not be allowed buy their minutes on the iPad on Saturday morning. There are only certain times when they can have the iPad/Xbox so it’s a big deal to miss out. Fairly rare though.

There’s no pocket money except what they earn ( except for birthdays and Christmas and visits to relatives, and granny and grandpa.....not exactly a water tight system)

I worry a bit about linking things that I think they should just do with rewards. I’m not sure how it will play out in the long run. I started with ds because he has asd and struggled with self management and various behaviors and then dd wanted to have charts and points too so it just evolved.

I am definitely inclined to more carrot than stick overall, I think.

I think it's fine as long as they are bought in. My 12 year old asked for one recently.

Not sure I would put in things like coming to the table when asked or getting out of the bath within 5 mins of being asked though. More stuff to encourage independence and self starting. That said, mine still have teeth brushing on theirs! But IMO it's flat out rude to ignore someone who's just made your tea and put it on the table. Rewarding simply deigning to acknowledge you seems a bit OTT for me. But, you are where you are.

I would involve the child in the setting up of the rewards too, though, so that they are part of the entire process.

So that you ALL get to set what the 'tasks' are together.

Almost like you all set the rules together (so, perhaps you all think of things and make a long list and then together you pick 2 or 3 to make the final list).
This way, you get their buy-in throughout the entire process.

Rewards are brilliant at any age, as long as they're age appropriate.

Yes DS has ASD as well Wicked
Giving cash has never been the norm in either mine or his dad’s family, so it’s only in the last year or so that he’s got it from 1 or two relatives if we’ve run out of ideas.
I agree it’s apalling that I’m even considering rewarding basic politeness Serendipity but as you say we are where we are. Teeth brushing, putting clothes in wash, emptying tumble drier on request, emptying pack lunch box are all generally fine.

I think a long list to be reduced sounds like a good plan Redhat