Partners children making our lives hell

[Llanigon]

I've been with my fiancee for over 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous relationship and we have 1 of our own together.
When I first met my fiance I new he had 3 children. He hadn't seen them for over 5 years as his ex wife had ran off with them and re married.
I always promised him I would find them for him and i did find them after a lot of hard searching. He eventually got contact for a few hours a week through her new husband then it became a regular thing every other weekend.
I eventually met them and we got on well and introduced them to my children and family, took them on holiday, days out. It was hard work having 6 children to look after and very expensive lol.
Suddenly all contact stopped and his ex wife kept causing problems messaging him. We found out she split up with her new husband. To cut a long story short she stopped him from seeing them again but the abusive messages kept coming in along with phone calls at silly hours to his phone and also mine. Then the kids refused to see him, and said they wont see him if I am there. I'm sure this was all down the his ex wife as she had no one now again and had to give up her luxury lifestyle!!! My partner pays over 500 a month child maintenance which never got spent on the kids at all. We ended up buying them new clothes every time we had them. We are not rich ourselves and tbh we struggle financially.

Its took a toll on our relationship as he misses them which is understandable and his family kept interfering and seeing them behind his back without telling him.
His sisters now also hate me and I'm really struggling with this.
I've said to my fiance I dont want any of this trouble for you and not being able to see your kids cause of me and now your sisters dont want nothing to do with you cause your with me. The nasty messages are coming in from his sisters and uts sole destroying and we split up over this but them got back a few days later and the barrage or messages started again from his sisters.
I just dont know what to do for the best as its causing so much stress and my kids are being dragged into all his families drama.
He says he is not bothered about his sisters and if the kids refuse to see him cause of me then that's their problem but deep down he is. I've said he needs to see them.
His sisters have never liked me much due to the fact where I live and my work etc, they have not been as lucky as me to have a lovely home and a good job but that's there choice and I've never make an issue just tried to make the effort. They dont like it cause there brother has a lovely home and new family.

Does anyone have any advise on what to do as I hate him being put in this position and I hate being made the bad one.

I'm trying to be strong because of my kids and my health, but its dragging us down.

You won’t want to hear this but it sounds like your partner is the problem. Unless there is more to the story why couldn’t he find his kids himself? The family courts can ensure access so 5 years not seeing his kids is inexcusable, it’s hardly surprising they aren’t happy with the situation. It’s very easy to blame their mum but he is hardly covering himself in glory. Unless you have done something you haven’t mentioned I would be wondering what he says to his sisters about you in order for them to not speak to him because of you. He sounds like he really needs to sort his life out and stop blaming others.

And kids cost a lot more than 500 a month to look after so maintenance is being spent on them- presumably they do eat, have heating, a roof over their head etc.

Thank you for your reply. there was a court order for him to see the children and she broke the court order I dont thinking as ever had the support from his family tbh. They are more bothered about drinking and causing trouble.

His sisters have a never liked me, it's just the way his family are and dont like him to be happy.

I certainly know how expensive kids are with 3 if my own, you need bottomless pockets.

It sounds rough, how old are the kids? Not necessarily specifics but are they of an age where a court would agree they can decide for themselves whether to see their dad or not? Could he see them on his own a few times to rebuild the relationship a bit and talk to them 1 on 1 about how they are feeling? I know it’s not nice to be shut out but he should try doing all he can to build a relationship with his kids, they deserve that. There will be lots of hurt so it may take time. As for his sisters they are less significant and if it is just that they don’t like you then they aren’t worth much. Families eh?!

I know lol..
His kids are 16, 12 and 10.
I just hope he sticks to seeing them and that they dont refuse cause he is with me.
I always let me 2 other children see there dads no matter what has happened with my ex the kids came first and priority was there happiness.
His ex doesn't help at all and constantly blames him for not being there, but she took them away from him and no one could find them until they moved back to where we live. I have all the court papers at home of how much he fought to see them and the trouble she was having from her new husband from the social service reports. Its heart breaking what his kids have been through, you wouldn't get your breath at all. I know shes has tried her best for them but she cant keep blaming him for not being there if she didn't want to be found. Now she has no one she is playing God with them.
I could never do that to my kids at all

What was he doing to find and resume contact with his children before you came along and decided to do what he should have already done?

Is his ex a self-appointed Family Court Judge? Only I can't quite fathom how he was prevented from pursuing contact and custody via the Courts. Again, before you came along.

After all you managed to find his children so they were 'findable'. I suppose you just bothered yourself to find them more than he did.

It's not exactly everybody else's fault except his. & £500 monthly for 3 children isn't mega. Since they're fed housed educated etc it's hardly the case that his wife is spending maintenance money elsewhere. Resenting that maintenance payment is strange.

The focus now is on him rebuilding his relationship with his children. As it should be. Unfortunately they likely won't prioritise getting to know you at this stage, they'll be thinking of their parents. So it's a case of leaving them to get on with it.

Classic example of a man who should have sorted out his life in these aspects before entering a new relationship.

Certainly is. I just need to be strong for my own kids and sanity I think