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Original poster

Return of the school bully

12 replies

ArgusFilchsCat · 13/02/2019 18:25

Backstory
DD and SB - school bully were together from nursery to Y3. Bullying got very bad yrs 2 to 3 and only ended when SB left the school at end of Y3. Bullying was physical & mental. DD suffered a lot, confidence went and we have worked hard to improve it. School were rubbish, SB had a troubled homelife, parents wouldn't engage , SS involvement etc.
Flash forward to Y6. SB has returned. DD flourished in the years SB was gone. Since Sept she has mostly managed to avoid this child. Until this week. SB has been bullying another child (no surprise there) so has been moved in to DDs class and also workgroup. DD is very responsible, school captain etc so often chosen to sit with the new child etc, usually not a problem. In less than a week it has escalated from making silly noises and poking DD (DD has ignored this) to today has attacked her in the playground and scratched DDs face. I'm fuming. At the start of the week I asked DD If she wanted me to intervene with the school. She didn't want to make a fuss and now she's been hurt by a child the school know is problem. Argh! What do i say when I contact school tomorrow?

OP posts:

ineedaknittedhat · 13/02/2019 18:36

My dd has been physically attacked and hurt by X. I expect you to address this immediately or I will have to escalate it.

NatashaRomanov · 14/02/2019 06:59

If she is in year 6, SB is 10 or 11, yes?
I would consider getting the police involved if the school cannot/will not protect your daughter.

EatToTheBeet · 14/02/2019 07:09

What did the school do when she was attacked in the playground?

I’ve just written a long paragraph about what the school could do and then I’ve deleted it as that’s not your problem really! You need them to step up and protect your child.

Yes, absolutely I’d be contacting them. I think your dd needs you to take charge of the situation now.

ScotchBonny · 14/02/2019 07:15

Children never want parents to intervene because they worry that they will be called out for grassing up the bully. But the only way to stop it is to make a note of every incident, contact the school, get their complaints ladder and follow the steps each way, eg first contact class teacher, second contact dep. head, third contact head, fourth contact governors, moving up a after each time you contact the school and nothing is done. Being very clear with the school each time that you expect action to be taken, don’t expect further incidents etc. If not dealt with at first contact you write to next step up copying in previous contact and explain what has happened. How else do you protect your child? By this stage they are so cowed by the bully that they are petrified of standing up for themselves, cannot think of good retorts or how to tell a teacher etc and need their parent to step in. However much they beg you not to.

Bullying should be called out, every time, otherwise it just keeps going. And no one should be victimised for being the person that goes to authority to complain about how they are being treated.

Penners99 · 14/02/2019 07:21

Police, now.

SnuggyBuggy · 14/02/2019 07:24

The fact that the bully has a crap homelife isn't your DCs burden to bear. I'd be on at the school every time there is an incident

Original poster

ArgusFilchsCat · 14/02/2019 07:36

Thanks for all your replies. Contacting the school today. School were not aware of the incident which says a lot. DD didn't tell a teacher and it happened at lunch. DD didn't want me to intervene as she was hoping she would be able to handle it and that it wouldn't be the same as before. I have always protected my child and have put in place so many things to boost her confidence and resilience. I'm a firm believer in allowing children to work out problems on their own if they can, however there is sometimes a limit to what they are able to do themselves. So I'll be stepping in. I'm in a more rationale frame of mind this morning. Will start with a phone call to the school and follow up in an email to the teacher and the head so that I have something in writing.

OP posts:

flumpybear · 14/02/2019 07:37

I'd speak to the teacher and the head together - tell them if this was happening at work the police would be involved. It's happened before with your DD and remind them what happened. Tell them you want safeguarding procedures written down and how they're going to deal with it, and you want updates

Don't back down - push them as this is unacceptable

gamerchick · 14/02/2019 07:41

Year 6 I would ring the police.

weleasewoderick22 · 14/02/2019 08:05

ScotchBonny

Thankyou for this advice, it's really helpful as I'm going through similar with my ds.

Troels · 14/02/2019 08:15

I'd also give Dd permission to defend herself. If the bully is getting physical, she can defend herself. Shove her, block her and smack her back. Nothing a bully hates more than a person who stands up to them, they count on others cowering and running away.

ScotchBonny · 14/02/2019 08:40

Oh yes and always always ask for their safeguarding policy, ask how they are keeping your child safe at school, tell them that your child no longer feels safe at school.

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