I think my 7 year old daughter is developing borderline personality disorder. Can ANYONE with experience please help?

[BastardGoDarkly]

That says it all really.

I've known for a while, there's something different about my 7 year old.

Looked into PDA autism adhd.. none of them fit her quite right.

After a disturbing parents evening, I stumbled on bpd developing in children, so much of it is her.

Anyone have any wise words?

Camhs services vary hugely depending on which NHS Trust you're in - they're all commissioned differently. That's why I would never tell anyone not to bother with camhs - some people don't have good experiences, but many do. In some places, camhs will be your best route to seeing a clinical psychologist.

BPS - it's not common to be diagnosed under the age of 25. It is highly unlikely your dd has it.

There are a number of different conditions that could produce your dd's symptoms, including anxiety (highly treatable). Probably best to take her to the GP and describe the symptoms, get a referral to the appropriate service.

Has anything traumatic happened to your daughter? Boarderline/ emotionally unstable personality disorders are usually linked to traumatic events in childhood if not to neglect or being brought up by a parent with severe mental health problems.

At 7, unless she's being abused or has been through significant trauma, there's more likely to be another reason behind her behaviour. Autism is possible, as is extreme anxiety, as are other things including environmental cause (bullying, lonelyness, social skills problems, ADHD which she doesn't have strategies to manage and is leading to social isolation and feelings of being different).

Clearly she's struggling and so are you, so absolutely seek to work closely with school and take her to the GP.

Starting a diary of her behaviour is an excellent suggestion.

*BPD

That sounds very plausible, OP. Is this her first experience of death? She's still just a baby really and it sounds like she's trying to process it. Regards to her controllingness, she sounds quite anxious.

Google PANDAS. My friend's 7yo had an infection that resulted in behaviour you've described. It cleared up 100% with antibiotics.

As far as I know, nothing's ever happened to her. Neither of us have mental health issues, and there's no neglect.

But yes, there's something, I'll have to get the ball rolling.

My understanding is that all (most) 7 year olds have traits/ strategies similar to those seen in bpd. As they grow, most will lose/ change these.
(Similarly, most 2-3 year olds tend towards psychopathic traits! Again, it’s developmentally relevant so no indication of future personality.)

An educational psychologist would really be able to help your child - and it’s a lot easier to see one through your school than to be put on a year long waiting list for CAMHS. It does sound anxiety-driven to me. But what also might concern me is that you seem so keen to ‘find a label’ for her presenting behaviours - all behaviour is communication so what is she trying to communicate to you? It doesn’t need a label. It sounds like she does need a skilled MH professional to tease apart her actions however. First stop would definitely be the SENCo.

Thanks Imbattling you're right, I have been looking for labels for her, in the hope I'll find definite answers I guess, I just want her to be happy.

Do any other adults care for your DD?

No. Just me and her Dad. My mum occasionally, not often.

I hunk she sounds super bright and under stimulated. You sound like a very caring mum. Perhaps try a find a age appropriate intellectual activity to keep her busy. A lot of what you said sounds like sudden self awareness and attention seeking. She reminds me of one of DD friends