Seriously struggling - need urgent handhold

[blacksquareroundhole]

-NC as don't want this linking to my regular profile-

I am seriously struggling. Ready to burst in anger. Walk out in front of a car. Scream at the world. Walk away and never come back.

I feel angry. Sad. Paranoid. Tired. On edge.

And I've had enough.

My life has become monotony. Even songs on the radio set my nerves off.

I feel the lowest in a LONG time. And I don't know who to turn to, or what to do.

I'm 32 and I can't get my shit together. So many others seem so organised. I can't even manage to take a fucking tablet in the morning.

Though my boy went to school clean, fed, watered and mostly smiling.

Do you know - half-way through your second post I thought 'Thyroid!!!' I really hope getting back on your thyroid meds will help you out of this dark place

@spiderlight I feel like such an idiot. My own doing.

Would the local chemist give me an emergency supply if I can get there at lunch? I don't live far from home but I know if I go home, I'll just want to stay.

I hope you have someone with you irl that can give you a proper hug/handhold, nobody should have to feel like you do.

Please see your GP, tell them just how you feel and they will help. Don’t be afraid to admit to friends and family just how hollow you are feeling either. Your husband will not want you to feel this way and suffer alone, please talk with him. Show him this thread if that’s easier than saying it all out loud, he will not want you to try to climb this mountain alone.

Remind yourself that when you do hit rock bottom the only way is up. I wish I could say something more original, but you are loved, never forget that.

If the medication is at home, explain you're not feeling well and need to work from home this afternoon or just need to be at home as you'[re ill, and go home, take the medication and have some calm time at home. Look forward to seeing your little boy, and plan just the evening - we'll watch a film, have X for tea with DH and then I can have a bath. Baby steps. I know when my depression was at its worst I could hardly get out of bed for a shower, it was almost too much - you got to work today, and your son got to school fed and dressed and happy. You're doing brilliantly - don't let the darkness win. Big hugs. xxxx

I cant offer any help but sending you good wishes and thoughts

he will not want you to try to climb this mountain alone. He is supportive, but we all have our tolerances.

you are loved, never forget that Even though I treat those who love me like shit.

I just feel like everything I do is a mess. And I feel alone.

Speak to the pharmacist - they might help. They could ring your GP and get a prescription faxed. Mine have done that in the past when a repeat prescription was cocked up.

This is a very small suggestion and I hope it won't seem as if I am trivialising your situation.
I have a chronic progressive disease and am also anxious and depressed due to trauma and bereavement.
I have to take my medication properly because I would become very ill very quickly if I forgot.
I bought myself one of those boxes that has a compartment for every day of the week. It was really cheap in poundland.
I put all my meds in there every Sunday evening and keep it next to the kettle.
That small thing has made life much easier.
I also order my repeats by email directly to my local pharmacist. They have an online system with the GP.
I order my repeats on the same day every month.
I hope you are able to get back on your medication and feel better soon.
Your DS needs you.

endofthelinefinally Your suggestion is really helpful. I am sorry if m own situation is trivial in comparison.. I hope I have not caused any offence. Perhaps not as practical for me due to little hands but I am sure it can be adapted...

My head feels all wooo dizzy

Ah yes - sorry I didn't think about little hands.
Maybe you could work out a safer location? Where do you keep your meds currently?
You can buy a lockable cash box for a few £ and put the pill box in that?

We have all of our meds in a locakable first aid box in the drawer in the kitchen. My usual routine is kettle on, take meds. being honest, I was being frivolous in nothing taking my thyroxine and choosing just to take my other tablets.

Hello blacksquare, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Much love and kindness to all of us who have suffered with mental health shiz.