Desperate for advice. DD hates school and is making everyone miserable.

[Starsnotbows]

She's in year 11 and has some SN. The SENCO is very supportive although I can't say the same for all the other staff as there are those who are definitely making things worse but as a whole most are trying.
New SENCO corresponds with staff constantly and has put a lot in place to support her.

DD is miserable, she doesn't want to be there, her grades have dropped and she's given up, she feels she's now going to fail and that's that. She's had ten years of struggling in school and being a square peg in a round hole, much of it until the last 18 months or so not getting the right support she needed and for many of those years being bullied because she struggles to fit in socially and she's had enough which I entirely understand.

She's gone from a week behaved child who tried hard but struggled to one who has given up.
She's refusing to go into many lessons especially the noisy ones (sensory issues) and is fighting everything every step of the way. Every day is a fight just to get her to go. Most nights are meltdowns and shouting from her that she is not going and Mr X is stupid and she hates them etc etc.

I'm getting texts and calls kicking off every single break and dinner time.
Then on the way home from school I get the shouting about the days events while she is on the bus the whole way home and obviously when she gets home too. Nothing I do is good enough, if she feels I am supporting school in any way (and sometimes she is in the wrong) she goes beserk.

I'm tired, really tired of living on eggshells every single day. I'm doing everything possible to help her but nothing is good enough. On top of this I have two very ill elderly parents of which I am the only child and have health issues myself.

We've seen the GP, a specialist , had a CAMHs referral (who refused to see us because it was linked to her SN) and spoke to young Minds.

I literally don't know what to do anymore.

Can you take her to local colleges to find a course she would like to do. One that, preferably, will fit in with both poor grades and better grades (for example my DDs course was offered at Level 2 and 3 depending on GCSE outcomes).

That might give her focus to actually get some sort of results and give her an exit route, if you like.

She needs to try and pull off some sort of results to enable her to move on and if she can get a focus that might help.

Its literally a few months now - hardly anything left and she can be free of school forever (if not education)

Thank you.
I have done so. She's got a place on an amazing course based on her predicted grades of 5 and 6 when we applied , her dream course with much practical work which will be better.
There is no chance she will get those grades now and the lowest courses still need 5 level 2 and above.

She isn't bothered though as she knows there are courses out there which she needs no levels at all for still in the same subject area.
I've told her she will have to spend longer in college to get where she needs to be and redo her Maths and English but she's past caring.

Would you be able to afford a tutor to help her with the major subjects and help her to refocus?

She has done it before - things have changed, who knows why that might be, but perhaps all is not lost. She is clearly a capable girl! My two both got no higher than the current 5's and are both working now and doing well but they got those results working hard and its as much the work ethic that's needed and its such a pity that she has lost it currently.

Maybe she is scared of doing badly so sort of self instigating it to appear to save face. Of course, long term, its only she who will suffer from this as you know.

I feel for you.

I don't know if this is a possibility, but given that the majority of the curriculum has now been covered, would she be able to self study rather than attend lessons? Perhaps do past questions etc in the library?

Can't afford tutors , I've looked into the costs (I am a single working Mum but not been very well recently and undergoing a lot of tests)
I have bought her as many study guides as I could and she is getting extra Maths and English support at school.

Emma that would be a good idea to be honest. I'd like her to cut all but core subjects and her vocational course if I'm honest but I'm not sure they would allow it.

I think you need to be firm about her not texting during the day. She needs to access the support on offer at the school while she is there and you have a break from her rants.

That's definitely something we are working on LIZS.
Her Senco has put in place a system where she can leave class if she needs to and go to her, she also speaks to her for daily contact to try and cut some of the drama and explosion that comes home to me.
She knows I work from home and knows I can't turn my phone off incase school call so she knows she van ring or text.

Because honestly it's awful waiting for the kick off every break, lunch, before school, after school and when she gets home. She's in school at break going absolutely beserk down the phone wanting me to sort anything that annoys her and NOW and it's stressful to be honest!

My daughter also has sensory issues and finds school overwhelming. Things have improved since she started taking a low dose of fluoxetine (Prozac), though I know it doesn’t work for everyone. She still doesn’t like school but she finds it much more bearable and stays in most of her lessons.

Have you had her investigated for Autism? It presents very differently in girls and those who are high-functioning can compensate for a long time before the wheels completely fall off the wagon!

It fits the social problems, problems with emotional regulation and sensory issues. And it’s not a ‘mental health problem’ its a developmental condition. Maybe do some reading and then re-approach your GP. The National Autistic Society website is a good place to start.

You can configure your phone so it will automatically send her calls to voicemail during school hours.

Gemme just her calls? Thanks will look into that although I fear she will just text instead.

HelenaJustina I definitely think she is on the AS spectrum. I've thought so since she was two years old when I first raised it. In fact we have actually been told by a specialist he was absolutely sure she had and by another that she had autistic tendancies but when we tried to get assessed Camhs wouldn't see us as there were other diagnosed conditions where attributes cross over.

I might have a chat with the GP verylong thanks.