Hey ladies I’m new around here, in terms of writing but I am a avid reader.
I’m so emotional at the moment. It may be long so please bare with me.
I am 29 years old and got married when I was 21 to the most sweetest man so I thought. To be honest when I got married I just wanted to leave my family home and met someone caring. My mum was so controlling and abusive growing we have a better relationship now but she just does not know how to be a mother. I feel I have become her in terms of how harsh she wasn’t on my dad I become negative towards my husband from the beginning just like my mum was to my dad. I have never hit him but I was always acting out I don’t know if it was the pregnancy I got pregnant at 21 real quick and just felt alone he would come home to me crying and throwing plates on the floor just been a bitch I know I know a nightmare! As soon as my son was born everything changed I controlled myself because I was determined to be a better mother than my mum was.
So here is the problem when I was pregnant with my son and “acting out” and been childish my husband had enough and pulled my hair we have been now married for 7 going to 8 years and have 2 children and one on the way I am heavily pregnant now. In those 7-8 years he has become worst I have learnt to become
A adult and don’t like to talk negatively in front of my kids let alone shout near them however, if we disagree on something I always remind him to leave me alone beciase are kids are near. What I am trying to say is I have a slick mouth and say a lot of stuff under my breath or to him and he responds most of the time by ignoring me however when he is really angry he gets voilent I think it’s my fault because I should
Learn to be more nice because if I was I know
For sure he would never hurt me I know I sound silly but it’s true. However over the years he has held a knife to my throat twice when I was pregnant with our daughter, and a couple of weeks ago he has choked me and bit my finger so bad it turn my purple. He has pushed me of a child held pole to my neck, pulled my hair, grabbed my sons arm who is 5 out the room to continue to argue with me and shout at me I get so scared especially when he was choking me I thought I was going to die. I’m sitting here in tears because last night we argued nothing major but he frappes
My face I just feel so hopeless because my family always push me back to him because they see the nice side of him he is caring giving and goes above and beyond for my family
So they don’t see what I see. I just want to run away but I am a stay at home mum and this is his house I feel so trapped and been so heavily pregnant. I just want to run away with my kids I don’t even want to tell my family.
I feel so bad for me and my kids.
I’m sorry for the long confusing message I just needed to vent. Please don’t say call the police I have done twice before and he was let go because their was no proof and social services was so involved in my life they was been so rude and judgmental contacting my gp and my kids school I felt so embarrassed I just honestly
Want to run away but don’t have the means.
My plan is to stay until I get my shit together and have a solid plan then leave or am I been stupid ?